Thanks Janet,
This is a very interesting and empowering article. I have a 2.5yr old who resorts to pushing in certain social interactions. I find it incredibly stressful. She has amazing language and often talks about the interactions before or after. It happens a lot with one particular (close) friend. Previously the before chat I’ve said “oh we don’t want to push xx over, that will make her Sad and/or she might get hurt” upon recommendation from daycare about how they deal with pushing, dialing up the feelings of the other child. However I will try to adjust my response as above.

After the interaction she will often talk about it if the person’s name comes up, sometimes weeks or months later. I really don’t know how to respond and it drives me crazy (internally) reliving it. Any suggestion on what to do/say?

He subtitled his remarkable little red book: A Warm And Wonderful Book About The Largest Experience In Life.

I found your book and blog when my son was about a year old and RIE really resonated with me and was much like how I already was and wished to parent. So, first, thank you for your continual wisdom and advice. Every post gives me new “tools” in my parenting tool box to help my kids grow.

I now have a very verbal and sweet 2year 2 month old boy and a 1 month old little girl. As expected with the big changes (we moved homes, childcare, and baby sister came all within 2 months) my 2 year old has been testing more and showing us his uneasiness. He’s been so sweet with his new sister and
I couldn’t have expected a better transition, but he’s been emulating his sisters cries for attention and just “testing” our boundaries (likely as though saying “pay attention to me like you used to”).

I feel like I’ve been trying to give as much one on one with him as I can and when he’s having a rough time telling him I’m here for him and seeing what I can do to help him in that moment. But that often turns into him telling me what he wants, then in his turmoil changing again what he wants and often ends in me saying “it looks like you’re having a hard time, it’s ok to let it out. I’ll be here if you need a hug or snuggles when you’re ready.” Which works now, when I’m on maternity leave and it’s ok if we’re 20 minutes late to where we’re going. But I want to be sure I’m fostering the best way to transition because this may not always be the case. Am I wrong to try and give some autonomy in some of these times? I feel like it’s a cry to want to control something since so much has changed, so try and give him some control back, but if it doesn’t seem to help I let him know it looks like he’s having trouble and take control. (My husband agrees with the respectful parenting and is a great dad, but he definitely doesn’t have as much patience…. when hubby is starting to get frustrated I usually intervene and sometimes get a comment from my husband how he has me wrapped around his finger since I let him do some of his “stalling” actions). My son has been very attached to me -vs- my husband for the months leading up to and now first month of daughters life. I don’t know if this is because I’m not giving him enough…. or if it’s because he sees that I see him better than my husband.

We have nightly talks about his day as we snuggle before bed and if it’s been exceptionally rough day or night I be sure to tell him it’s hard with all the changes that have happened and it’s ok if he needs to let it out and that I love him so so much and always will no matter what. Is this the right thing to be saying? What are other good statements to say after the fact and in the moment of a “hard” situation?

Sorry such a long comment. I’m trying to see my son and help my husband see him too and just feeling like I’m failing somehow, or not giving our daughter enough of me in trying to help her brother.

Any and all guidance or words of encouragement welcomed!!

Thanks, Jeff!