By: Miki

Miki — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 08:16:28 +0000

Hi! First of all, thank you, Janet, for all your wonderful posts! I find them really helpful and supportive!
I found something in this episode that made me curious, I was actually wondering about this – you said that it’s good to involve children in establishing the routine, but that you cannot hold them accountable for not holding up their end of the bargain. Fair enough 🙂
However, how much and how should we hold children accountable for the plans we make together? My son is 4 and a half, I’m happy to say you’ve been with us pretty much from the beginning :)) So the relationship is good, the communication is good.
It does happen often enough that we make plans, but that he ends up “not being in the mood” for them. A recent example is that it’s customary in our country to offer little trinkets or flowers to women for the 1st of March. I asked if he wanted to make something together for his kindergarden teacher, whom he adores, because he likes crafts, all the cutting and glueing. And he was excited, he wanted to do this, but “not today”. I am not emotionally involved, so if we end up not doing it, that’s fine with me. But what would you feel is better for him in this kind of situations – to push a little because it is my belief that he will pe happy with the result, or not to push because maybe he does not want to do it, maybe he is anxious about the result, or any other reasons?
For more context – if our plans include other people, say meeting with friends, I say that I’m sorry if he changed his mind, but someone arranged their schedule around this, so we’re not bailing out on them; if it’s about not wanting to stop the playing, after the extra 5 minutes he negotiated, I say that we both agreed to this time limit and no more, I understand he would like more time, however now we’re off to dinner or shower or whatever it is – and he has no problem accepting this.
So my question really is about plans that are not actually relevant or important, but where my feeling is that the refusal is about either some anxiety of sorts, or maybe just not being in the mood anymore.

Thanks for reading anyway, hope that maybe you have time to share your thoughts on this!

By: Teresa Marazita

Teresa Marazita — Sat, 24 Feb 2024 08:33:17 +0000

I have a 3.1/2 year old grand son who’s parents are going through a very bad divorce,,the mother has always slept with him and treats him like a baby my son has just got custody,for a couple of nights a week ,he loves his dad and is happy to be with him ,but his mum I know says things to him like if you want to cry for mum ,just cry ,and she tells him in front of my son ,it is very hard to put a bit more structure in his life ,when his mum still gives him a bottle and a dummy , his mum does not send him to kinder as he might cry ,
How can he help his son ,without alienating him ,they are still going through court for him to have him a couple more night a week which is so stressful on everyone,how can we help my grandson came to terms with both his mum and dad is there a book. That might help my son to help his son ,thanking you for any help
Teresa

Comments on: Toddlers That Won’t Go to Bed (Solutions from Eileen Henry)

By: Miki

By: Teresa Marazita