Comments on: Baby-Led Adventures – 5 Reasons Babies Need To Lead

By: Long Fei Han

Long Fei Han — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 11:57:23 +0000

Hi Janet,
I am a first time mum. I have a 11.5 months old baby. He has a lot of attention from his family plus grandparents. He has always been parent led and hovered around and now I think he doesn’t know how to play by himself and he needs me to play with him, be with him and find new things for him to play. I also find he has a very short attention span where he will not play with one thing for more than a few seconds. He doesn’t want to finish anything and he seems busy all the time. I stumbled on your blog today. I was wondering if you have tips to change him to be able to play by himself, concentrate on things better and not cry whenever I try to walk away from his playing area but at the same time not feel like I don’t care about him anymore? He is ok as long as someone is with him doesn’t have to be me.

Thank you so much in advance
Fei Fei

By: Kerstin Castle

Kerstin Castle — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 08:45:38 +0000

Janet, this article is just brilliant. I have for a long time understood that what babies need is room to explore. I am a scientist myself with 4 bright and inquisitive children.
I am just so pleased that someone other than me thinks that children don’t need toys but a responsive, understanding parent to share their amazement as they explore their world.
I think some parents might think it sounds like child neglect when you say “allow your child to occupy themselves”. Of course there is a huge difference between ignoring a baby and giving them freedom. Your article makes that beautifully clear. Thank you so much. I have shared your post on my facebook page and hope many of my customers will read it and learn to understand their babies better.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 05:33:28 +0000

Hi Janet,
I’m fairly new to RIE and have been reading many of your posts recently. I have been trying to implement these practices with my almost 11 month old son, but I’m struggling with the independent play. He was an extremely colic-y baby from 2 weeks until almost 6 months (clean bill of health from multiple doctors), and so I was rarely ever able to just ‘leave him be’ as most of the time he was actively screaming and crying, and so I was trying to hold and soothe and be there for him. Unfortunately I did not have much help at the time while my husband was at work, and so most of our days passed like this until others in my life were able to help.
As a result I find he is very clingy with me, and if attempt to have him play on his own he will cry and scream unless I am in the play area with him. Then, he is constantly looking for me to make sure I am still there, or crawling on/over me and pulling at my shirt and crying for milk (even if he was just fed very recently – so I know it’s not hunger)
How can I get him to have some time of more independent play and not look to me so much for reassurance, considering that is how the majority of his life has been spent?
Thank you for any advice you can give!

By: janet

janet — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 15:58:36 +0000

In reply to Comadrona. Thank you, Alison! He is still a precious and affectionate child...a major athlete now. Regarding his lack of frustration, I've come to believe that we cause this through our own impatience or concern that our child will get "stuck", etc. If we just let what IS be (the way children naturally do), they do not feel pressured or frustrated.

By: Comadrona

Comadrona — Sat, 13 Jul 2013 09:45:35 +0000

What a darling little child – you must miss those early years even though it sounds like he has grown up just as sweet. I couldn’t believe the concentration and lack of frustration – really interesting!

By: janet

janet — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 17:40:19 +0000

In reply to Oxana.

Hi Oxana! Please don’t feel sad! Your situation is extremely common…and you can definitely help your boy learn to play more independently. The key is not to plan his activities. Here’s a post that might help: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/11/7-myths-that-discourage-independent-play/

By: Oxana

Oxana — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 11:16:20 +0000

Hi Janet,

I feel really sad, as I was not actually leaving my boy to play on his own, I just seems he wanted to be with me all the time – crying and crawling towards me, as he grew older I was unable to do anything at home as he just wanted me, or so it seems, may be I was not giving him right activities. He is now a months short of 3 y.o and there is no way he would be able to do a puzzle like that and the attentions spam…well not really that long. Just wondering what can I do (like I have not done “enough”), but get that word in the right meaning of RIA to encourage him to be more self sufficient, what activities would you suggest I offer him. Many thanks in advance!

By: janet

janet — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 23:41:04 +0000

In reply to Nickelle.

Hi Nickelle! I may actually write a blog post in response to your question, since it’s a biggy and one I’m starting to think about a lot. To be honest, I don’t believe RIE and Attachment Parenting blend well, especially in the first year. There are distinct choices to be made… I address this in a recent post: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/11/7-myths-that-discourage-independent-play/

By: Nickelle

Nickelle — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 18:20:04 +0000

Hi Janet I have only recently found your blog and been introduced to RIE and I must say a lot of it really resonates with me and makes beautiful sense! I have to admit I’m having a little trouble with the concept of child-led play though. I also take with the attachment parenting style which highly advocates baby-wearing and letting the child experience your day with you. They also advocate high touch less STUFF (so in that way the concepts are similar) and I’m not sure how the styles would mesh. A lot of what I’m reading about RIE makes total sense to me but AP parenting does as well and while a lot of it cohabitates beautifully I’m not quite sure how these work together. Maybe just because I haven’t seen it in action? Any advice?

By: janet

janet — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 14:05:24 +0000

In reply to Lainey. Hi Lainey! Fingerplays, songs, stories, books are all wonderful ways to play together, but rather than allowing those adult-led games to interrupt the precious flow of your son's play, I would do them during transitional and "care-giving" times. For example, Patty Cake at the end of his diaper change or a book and song (with fingerplay, if you like) before bed. I'm a strong believer in doing these things if and when you enjoy them, rather than out of a feeling of duty. If they become part of the routine, your son will soon begin initiating and asking for them. :)