The 2yo wants us to be with her when she is playing, not always to interact with her but to have our presence. The thing is she plays best when we are all busy and baby is out of sight/mind and not receiving attention from us either. She has free range of the house and back yard. We have an au pair who watches the two in the morning while I work out and then stays on until 4 on weekdays.

The 2 year old wants our au pair to be close by and watching her play otherwise she doesn’t get into what she’s doing. On the au pair’s day off she wants me to be with her too but doesn’t have as high expectation for me as she knows I have other stuff to do too. Our au pair tries to read and sit some distance away from her, but our daughter doesn’t like it. She is fine when our au pair is doing something, e.g. tidying up, then she just checks in with her periodically.

We also have an issue with the 2yo getting rowdy and trying to hurt us or the baby. Immediately after she causes the pain (if its too quick to catch) she starts crying and saying she needs a hug and to be comforted. It is very difficult to know what to do. When she’s being like that I want her to go away and play by herself but she gets more clingy and testy. Yesterday I gated her in her room and told her because she was having a hard time being with other people she should take some time to cool off and play by herself. Hysteria ensued.

What could we be doing to better support her feel comfortable in her uninterrupted play?

Hi Juliette! You’ll notice in this video that I comment only when the child looks my way and seems to be “telling” me about it, or is obviously experiencing something worth commenting on (like the truck sounds). You certainly don’t have to comment on everything your boy does while he’s playing! That can get tiring for both of you. Peaceful time together is good, too. If he looks at you after spinning plates a number of times, you might just nod and say, “I saw”, or “you did it again.”

There are two things I find I struggle with. The first is very repetitive behaviour. For example, our baby is currently fascinated with dropping with things so that they spin at the moment – provide him a plastic plate and he will happily do this tens if not hundreds of times and I run out of things to say! The other thing that I find myself wondering about is when he is really focusing on something, I worry about distracting him which I have sometimes done.

thank you! this added advice is great for my daughter and I right now. much appreciated. 🙂

Honesty is always the best policy and it’s good for your boy to know that you have needs, too, and can’t be totally available to him all of the time. Just know that he will probably not say, “OK, Mom, enjoy your reading. I won’t bother you.” He’ll probably object, cry or whine, but it you remain calm and confident about what you are doing he’ll be able to focus again on playing. Acknowledge his feelings, but not in a “poor baby” kind of way. Instead, say something like, “I know you want to show me such-in-such. I hear how much you want my attention. I’ll be with you again in a few minutes”. This works best when you have done it at least a few times, preferably at a similar time each day, so that it becomes routine.