Comments on: An Expectant Dad Ponders Discipline

By: John S Green

John S Green — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 21:18:50 +0000

It seems that the father-to-be has come from a past of tough discipline. The mother-to-be has come from a more RIE philosophy. In my opinion, this discussion brings to light perhaps the most critical and valuable benefit of Janet Lansbury’s work.

For our society to change the future of humankind into a non violent world, eliminating senseless war, and embracing peaceful ambitions of health and education and opportunity for all, it will take a generational paradigm shift in understanding. Understanding that nurturing the child’s spirit from birth to five with utmost respect will ultimately make all the difference in our world’s future.

By: Hiedi

Hiedi — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 03:17:38 +0000

In reply to Candace. So true!!

By: Melissa

Melissa — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:46:44 +0000

@Jennifer, I think that before a lot of us had kids we had all kinds of crazy ideas about how discipline should work. My husband and i remember watching those Nanny shows on TV and thinking that they had it right! Then when our son was born those ideas seemed insane!
And back to the original question, I just wanted to add that for us on of the most difficult parts of parenting for me is slowing down to my son’s speed when it comes to housework. I was taught as a child to just get the housework done as quickly as possible so that you can have fun, but my son has taught me that housework can actually feel good when you’re not rushing through it! I try to keep in mind that my son has just as much fun trying to figure out how to use a broom and dustpan, or spraying and wiping down the fridge as he does playing with his toys. He needs me to be patient as he works on those skills and rushing him through it so that we can “play” is the last thing he needs.

By: Jennifer Lehr

Jennifer Lehr — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 08:07:30 +0000

it was very hard for me to read mitchell’s question. i absolutely applaud them for discussing issues this early on in their lives as “parents.”

it’s not how to discipline them but to look at what their “bad” behavior is trying to communicate. he is focused on how to teach lessons long before a crime has been committed which tells me it will be very challenging for him to focus on what the child is clumsily trying to say and instead on how he can control, teach, hurt the child.

By: janet

janet — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 21:55:01 +0000

In reply to Gauri. Hi Gauri! Thank you for the boost of confidence and support. I can promise you that you will never regret following Magda Gerber's approach and I plan to be here to support you all the way. It felt the same to me when I first learned about it...so common sensical and "right". Cheers!

By: Gauri

Gauri — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 08:56:12 +0000

Dear Janet,

I’m writing from Chennai, India. I’m relatively new to your website. I stumbled upon it while trying to find more about Jane Healy. I LOVE both you and your website! 🙂 I don’t have children yet but planning on having them soon. I’m doing lots of research before we start trying. My baby will definitely be a RIE baby. Everything about RIE is so common sensical and still I keep on having aha moments while reading your beautifully written posts. I hope you never stop doing what you do, or at least till my baby is all grown up. 🙂

By: Candace

Candace — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 06:37:11 +0000

Reading this post reminded me of a woman who shared her story that she cannot do dishes by hand as an adult now due to massive anxiety brought on from her traumatic experiences of being forced to wash dishes as punishment, and also being forced to do them ‘correctly.’ I think that its a hard line to walk, manual labor as “punishment” and then the child believes that chores or errands are dreadful activities that soon begin to elicit a deep sense of shame or foreboding. In that respect, I absolutely disagree with this expectant dad’s idea of using manual labor for punishment. I say do chores joyfully, together, for each other, out of love and respect for your family and your environment, out of thankfulness of your home and fortune, for cleanliness and hygiene, or to help others feel comfortable or acknowledged. Children can learn to be thankful for their luxuries in many different ways that don’t involve negativity or resentment.

I think the “manual labor” punishment may come in useful when the child is, say, 15 and defies some convenant of trust like not coming home from a friend’s house on time. Maybe then they can choose to wash Dad’s car sunday morning as a way to help them meditate on their breach of agreement and as a sign of good faith that they know they made a mistake, but for a toddler or even the young child, I cannot see it being very applicable!

By: Claire

Claire — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 06:26:25 +0000

Hi, i’ve just recently found your blog and website. This is an interesting post. I have 3 kids aged 4 and under. One thing i’ve found to be incredibly important is consistency in how both parents discipline the children (however that is!), and that needs really good communication. We are always learning how to be better parents and don’t always get it right, but as long as my husband supports me and we are consistent, the kids respect us and i think, feel more confident having consistent boundaries and knowing we are all on the same team. I think this guy has the right idea in talking with his wife about how they want to parent, but it needs to be an ongoing conversation and a flexible one. Things change, we need to keep reading, learning, our kids are often different to us and each other….you need to adapt!

By: janet

janet — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 03:38:20 +0000

In reply to Safra. Wow, Safra, that gave me goosebumps. Thank you for sharing! You've done well!

By: Safra

Safra — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 03:03:41 +0000

As always, I just love reading your posts and learning to be a better Mommy to an amazing child.

Just today, thanks to not quite two years of positive reinforcement and building a life framework of understanding, empathy and trust with our not-quite-two year old, our son unintentionally hurt me. On his own,he made the choice to stop what he was doing, come over to me (I needed a second to turn away, breathe and calm myself…it REALLY hurt) and say, “(I’m) sorry”.

I was shocked, awed, and truly appreciative of this amazing gesture of understanding from my baby.

I guess he is not my baby anymore, but truly turning into a boy. All of what you have just written in this wonderful post, and your other posts on discipline, have led up to that spectacular moment earlier this evening. As always, thank you for your advice, and keep it coming!