Hi Sara! I would be sitting on the floor there with here and let her go to you as much as she wishes. If you are not sitting with her at that time, I would sit, rather than lift her up. Lifting a child into the air can become this magical “fix” when all the child is needing is some contact. Coming to you while you sit is much less interruptive to play.

Thanks, Bronwyn!

Thank you for mentioning what I believe in your excellent current blog, Janet! When parents don’t see (take the time to observe and self-reflect) how their choices can be conditioning their baby in dysfunctional patterns, the teaching is probably going nowhere fast in the wrong direction. Once an 8 month-old was brought by her mother to observe my RIE class and the baby was extremely uncomfortable trying and failing to move with ease, lurching off and on her mother’s lap over and over again as she attempted separation. At the end of class, believing the Educaring Approach was not for her, the exhausted mother said “My baby needs to be held a lot, and I need to hold my baby.” Because I didn’t want to undermine her confidence, (a major cautionary point taught to me by Magda), I didn’t remark that her statement needed to be reversed to reveal the true cause and effect status of her child’s needy state, having to adapt constantly to being held and thus prevented from freedom of expression. And this was so many years before “Attachment Parenting” came into vogue. Oh my, sadly I lost her, knowing RIE’s universalities that you cite so very well might have transformed their relationship, although truly, as Magda said, “RIE is not for everybody.”

Gwen, I agree that human contact is a need. To me, “contact” means attention along with physical contact. But being carried while parents are doing chores, etc., and NOT paying attention, is not a need, it is a habit.

But babies needing human contact is not a habit, it’s a part of their psyche and as key to healthy development as parent-child communication. It can’t be put in the same category at all as something like using a pacifier, which is a habit (although also one based on a need, simply one that is being transferred).

Some needs can be taken too far, of course, but it’s like saying drinking water is a habit. Well… yes… and it can be taken to extremes in some circumstances, but it’s both an essential habit at some extent and a valid need.

Thank you, Bence. Your feedback means a lot to me.

Love this! It reminds me of a question I’ve been pondering for a few days…. During independent play time, my daughter (5.5 months) will often crawl over to me and indicate she wants to be picked up. Sometimes it is because she is hungry, or beginning to get tired. Other times she just seems to want to sit with me for a while. She may climb back onto the floor to play more, but many times when she does this, she seems to quickly change her mind and want back up. Also, now that she is crawling she comes to me almost any time she gets upset about something. Is it alright that I am picking her up any time she asks? Or should I be promoting more independence somehow? Thanks as always for your wonderful insights and guidance!

Marilia, thank you for your kind words! I love your consciousness about parenting… that makes you a wonderful mom…and person.