Comments on: Parent Do-Overs – 7 Confidence Building Responses

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[…] “Parent Do-Overs – 7 Confidence Building Responses”: Janet Lansbury shares several suggestions in her blog post on conscious ways to talk to your child in certain situations, especially after negative behavior. […]

By: janet

janet — Wed, 24 Feb 2021 18:56:32 +0000

In reply to T.

Absolutely! We can shift our dynamic with children at any time. It’s takes self-compassion, courage and commitment. Here’s a post that I hope will be helpful: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/08/repairing-relationships-with-our-children/

By: T

Tue, 16 Feb 2021 11:21:40 +0000

Thanks, Janet. Do you think this can be re-implemented after we’ve ‘fallen off the wagon’? I used to follow these and more of your advice, but since baby #2 came along, my toddler is really pushing boundaries and I’ve been in survival mode which often leads to less respectful, authoritarian reactions and more yelling than I’d like to admit because toddler just isn’t listening. I know this old school style of parenting isn’t promoting listening, just instilling fear or threats that make behaviours occasionally change (i.e if you throw that toy no ice cream tomorrow, and other forms of taking things away) and reinforcing negative behaviours (as well as modelling them).Can parents get a bigger do-over and repair their relationship after such a big change? Do you have a blog about this and where to start, if so? Thank you!

By: Chelsea

Chelsea — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 03:37:14 +0000

In reply to Kara. This article and this thread are so helpful! I like the use of “you’re safe” when the child is scared. Language is so important. Thank you.

By: Lara

Lara — Tue, 11 Feb 2020 22:52:46 +0000

What about when you have no idea why they are crying? As an example, my 3 year old will wake up in the middle of the night crying uncontrollably and it only seems to get worse when I tell her I see she is upset and I am there in case she needs anything. Many times she hits or tries to hit me if I get close.

By: Bella

Bella — Sun, 10 Feb 2019 01:54:44 +0000

Hi Janet,

This is a. Excellent list, thank you for all that you do and the guidance that you give!!! How would I handle my 3 year old taking toys and food from my 10 month old? He always does this and I’m not sure how to handle it.
Also, how do I handle my 3 year old when he is constantly yelling at our 10 month old because the baby is in his space or going after his toy, etc? I feel like I’m a referee alllll day and it’s wxhausting! Also there are times when my 3 year old gets angry and screams at the baby or pushes his hand away or swats at him. I go over rules of the house quite often , and when he gets a little uncontrollable I usually take him to his room and explain to him that when he’s calm and Abel to be kind and gentle then he can come back and join us. He usually gets angry and throws things in his room or opens and slams his door 10 times or kicks it. I don’t feel like this is the best way to handle it but I don’t know what else to do? Thank you!

By: Neh

Neh — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 17:40:30 +0000

In reply to janet. Hi Janet - Thank you so much for your reply. It helps. I really appreciate your time.

By: janet

janet — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 03:20:00 +0000

In reply to Neh. Hi Neh! I wouldn't push this learning at all. Just nonchalantly give him the choice (assuming you have the time for him to practice his skills). If he says "no" to doing it himself, gladly pick him up. That's the best way to encourage. Trust, wait, don't push.

By: Neh

Neh — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 18:07:54 +0000

In reply to Neh. I just wanted to add that he can climb up and down steps but just does not do it consistently. We had his eyes checked and there might be issues surround depth perception but the doctor said he does not need glasses and will eventually adjust. I just wanted your thoughts on how to most respectfully encourage him without adding to his anxiety. Thanks again.

By: Neh

Neh — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 17:56:59 +0000

Hi Janet! I have been reading your books and blogs for years and they have been a great help to me. Thank you. My son is four and he has some fears associated with steps and ladders. Regarding the part where you suggest ‘ Instead of “you can do it!”…I hear you getting frustrated, but you’re almost there…This is hard work you’re doing…I’m here and I won’t let you fall, but it is safer for you to climb down yourself. Try placing one foot on the bar below.”’ – What if my child does not want to try placing one foot below? When I do this my son seizes with fear and cries and reaches for me. Should I wait beyond a few minutes and then pick him up? Or should I be waiting much longer until he tries the steps himself?