Thank you for this response, I think it can be harder for men to deal with the irrationality of toddlers sometimes. Especially if they were yelled at or spanked for crying or “misbehaving” when they were young, it can be very triggering.

That is fascinating! I wish I could remember my toddler years. My earliest memories are around age 4.

I absolutely agree with you, I believe this 18-month old needs some more positive attention and interaction. If every interaction with this child is trying to get him to do something, I can see how he might get stuck in resistance. He needs some more “yes” time.
I understand though that that can be hard. A parent needs the time and energy to be able to provide time for just enjoying their presence. If you’re tired or stressed or have lots to get done, it can make a toddler seem difficult.

I love your comment! Your son is so lucky to have you!

I’m a first year teacher’s assistant at a preschool (Head Start), and Janet’s content has also been very helpful for me. We have a few newly turned 3 year olds in our class this year, and there’s one in particular who is still very toddler like. Posts like this help me know how to handle certain behaviors in class!

Oh my gosh!!! That’s EXACTLY what my Dad used to say! “This is not a democracy, this is a benevolent dictatorship.”! It came with alot more than that though. He always encouraged us to go above and beyond the call of duty. Each kid was treated as an individual based on their level of maturity and responsibility. As we grew in maturity, responsibility and personal virtue more opportunities were presented to us to make our own choices or have a say in things. We didn’t take that for granted, it was more like a passage to adulthood and it built us up.

I was thinking the same thing about the spanking advice. Honestly, I think, as with any form of discipline, it’s in the delivery. I had a very close relationship with my Dad and still do, and he spanked me. But his delivery was so loving and filled with explanation that you almost felt worse about him having to spank you than actually getting spanked. He would literally sit you down and talk to you about what you did and ask why you did it for about fifteen to twenty minutes. By the end of it, many of us kids were like, “Can you just spank me and get it over with?!”
My mom though, spanked when she was mad and the response to her was the exact opposite. There’s a difference between disciplining and beating when it comes to spanking. We were all spanked, all thirteen of us, and we’re all close to our parents and love them dearly and now take care of them. There’s no fear factor there whatsoever.

I just don’t think spanking is logical. I want to teach my kids to only touch each other with kindness and cinder. I don’t see how I can tell them not to hit to when they are upset with someone else, but then I get to spank them when I dislike their behavior. It doesn’t make sense. I think being against violent behavior is a clearer standard and there are plenty of other ways to discipline without hitting.

Gayle, I love your response, I agree 100 %.
I have 2 grownup daughters and now I babysit my 3-year old grandson. I always welcome articles where I can learn and get assured that I interact with the toddler the right way even if it’s not always easy!

Thank you so much, Dana! Regarding the running away, this is where what I’ve called a “yes” space really comes in handy. It’s a safe enclosed area — a small room or part of a larger room, where your toddler is 100% safe. So running out the door, the kitchen and bathroom, etc., are all off limits unless you are free to monitor. Your child is only doing what she’s supposed to do, which is exploring her environment and your reactions to her behavior. Keeping her safe (and you less frazzled) is of the utmost importance. And speaking of your reactions, I also have a post about running away: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/07/how-to-stop-your-runaway-toddler/
Hope that helps! And thank you again for your kind words about NBK!