Comments on: The Mommy Mind Meld (Guest Post by Marcy Axness, Part 2)

By: Julie

Julie — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 23:08:00 +0000

Thank you, Marcy. Your example with the seat buckle makes perfect sense to me. I mentioned expectation because I’ve been thinking lately about how children frequently behave differently for different people. Specifically, my daughter naps easily for a babysitter, but has more of a struggle when it’s me putting her in bed. And I’ve been realizing that I have to be responsible for what I’m putting forth around sleep. Meaning, it seems it’s time to take seriously the thoughts and ideas, the worries and fears I hold about sleep and her capabilities around that topic, that seem to affecting our dynamic at nap time. I guess it’s time to practice, in your perfect words: “holding an inner tranquil conviction” about sleep and napping. Thanks again for sharing such fascination information. I look forward to reading the book.

By: janet

janet — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 01:57:06 +0000

In reply to Kate. Hi Kate, I can answer this... Part 2 is all written by Marcy, including the blue bit. I usually provide an intro, but since I did that on Part 1, I didn't do it on this one. Thanks for asking, Kate!

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 00:57:32 +0000

I sometimes have difficulty telling what is written by whom. Is the blue portion something someone has written to Janet? I understand there is a guest writer but which part is hers? Sorry to be confused!

By: Marcy Axness

Marcy Axness — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:09:40 +0000

Thank you, Julie, I’m honored to be considered in the same mental breath as Magda and Emmi! Interesting question about expectations. First of all, it’s probably mostly a symantic thing, but I doubt I use that word much at all in the book. I still can hear the mantra in my head that I learned way back when, “Expectations are planned resentments.” But I certainly invite parents to dream of and envision (and cultivate in themselves!) the kinds of wonderful qualities they would like to see in their children, and yes, I deeply believe this has a significant influence — even (and especially) during pregnancy and even before. (But that’s a whole other blog post, eh?!)

Here’s one practical application of the word I tend to use more, which is “conviction” — holding an inner, tranquil conviction regarding daily life events and issues with our children. This, right from the book: “Over-explaining almost always covers up a lack of truth or conviction in the exchange. We need to always check the reason why we want to say something to a child: Is it based on our wisdom or our anxiety? Does it come from a place of real knowing, or a place of fear? If it comes from a place of real knowing and complete conviction within you that it is correct, the child will usually behave in harmony with it. (A good example is that children almost never fuss over putting on seat belts, largely because within the mind of the parent there is 100% conviction: seat belts are an utter non-negotiable and the child picks up on this conviction.) If it’s coming from worry or insecurity, we best refrain from speaking. Yes, we’re still feeling the fear, but it is your self-discipline in containing the feeling the child picks up on.”

So there it is again at work, the transformative power of mental force of which Schwartz writes!

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 02:28:43 +0000

Also, I would love to hear how this might tie-in with expectation. How the expectations that we hold for a child seem to influence the child so directly. Is there a connection here?

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:54:25 +0000

So on that note, I’ll start with some appreciation of both you, Marcy and Janet as well for sharing such incredibly exciting and forward-feeling posts. I feel appreciation for Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler on a regular basis, but I am over-flowing with it upon reading and letting this all sink in. These were woman ahead of their time. I am so proud to be giving my daughter the mindfulness, observation, connection, quiet and clarity that RIE continues to inspire in me. I am so eager to read more. And, I love being reminded that in prioritizing my own alignment I will then naturally portray my best version of the world for my girl. Very good news…Thank you, thank you.