Nope nope nope!!! “Many humans are biologically programmed to be drawn to babies and children”??!!! Do you hear what that sounds like???!!! I love my 2 boys and I cuddle them all the time. When they are open to that. I don’t force them to cuddle if they aren’t feeling like it. One of my boys is more cuddly than the other, and it almost breaks my heart not to cuddle them both the exact same.. but I am respectful of both boys different needs/desires for touch and if they don’t want to, they don’t have to. I especially do not think it’s ok for any ol’ stranger to touch them just because they are “most interesting” at that age or the adults are drawn to them… That is really messed up! Adults are always in a position of power over children, because of our greater size, strength, intelligence etc… And as intelligent creatures, we can respect this power difference and choose not to use it to our advantage. When we give our little people the authority over their own bodies, we teach them how to respect themselves and how to treat others too. If we take advantage of this power imbalance, because we can and we want to, it teaches them that they can if they want to, when they are in a position of power one day. Is this really what we want to teach our kids?? This is not about over-analysing a simple head pat, it’s an example of a much bigger and more important lesson here, if we choose to hear it

“You cannot dictate to them HOW they should handle your child or KNOW how to handle your child. If they are not ‘sensitive’ to your child’s needs, then that is a resilience experience for your child and really not a ‘big deal.’ “

Sounds a bit close minded. What about children who are highly sensitive… Or on the Austrian spectrum? Just keep your hands to yourself… and teach your kids their body is theirs. You sound like a bad mom

This is a really interesting point – do we NEED bad experiences in our lives at a young age, so that when we inevitably encounter them at an older age we’re less traumatised by the event because it takes the shock and surprise down a peg or two. Obviously there is nuance and degrees of trauma here but the general principle of not shielding your child from all bad stuff, just the worst bad stuff builds a more resilient and grown up kid better prepared for the real world where siht happens?

This discussion is TOO overthought. Why oh WHY do we have to analyse everything? Life is about experiences. Good and bad. The child who (innocently) had their head touched at a wedding) is hardly going to be scarred for life!) What about resilience? Every single one of us needs to learn to interact with all sorts of humans on this earth. This was NOT an abusive interaction. It was at the very least a ‘surprising’ interaction. The human meant no harm at all! Being a baby or a child is the only time in your life when other people are really interested in you! Strangers smile and make a fuss. What is wrong with that? You cannot expect PERFECTION from others. You cannot dictate to them HOW they should handle your child or KNOW how to handle your child. If they are not ‘sensitive’ to your child’s needs, then that is a resilience experience for your child and really not a ‘big deal.’ Of course, a caring parent would swoop in and intervene, if the child was genuinely distressed! Many humans are biologically programmed to be drawn to and interested in babies and children. It results in the child being protected and nurtured. I would be alarming if we had a Society that shunned babies and children because they were afraid of misinterpreting if they ‘wanted an interaction’ with the adult. What a sad world that would be.

Thank you! Though it does sound like you are misinterpreting my advice. Where are you getting “we have endless amounts of time to negotiate and respect our children’s boundaries”? Nothing I recommend takes extra time, it’s an attitude.

Lindsay your comment makes no sense and completely misses the point of the author. You say ‘as long as the child is comfortable and Ok’, did you not read the article? Children cannot easily express to ADULTS that they do not consent to being touched. So you more than likely will not know if you are making that child uncomfortable. But, what is obvious to me is that, if you are a stranger to the child or do not have a close relationship with them, they will most certainly NOT be ‘OK’ as you say, with touch. How do you like being approached and touched by strangers or people you have just met? Is it ok for them to stroke your hair or tickle you? Just because they are a child, doesn’t make it OK. So check for consent, or keep your hands to yourself.

As for unwanted touching of toddlers, the worst offenders seem to be people over 70…