Comments on: The Infant “Need” Experts Don’t Talk About

By: Ruth Mason

Ruth Mason — Wed, 04 Jul 2018 00:29:09 +0000

Great article, as usual, Janet! And wonderful video. We’ve just been discussing this – my daughter who now has a five-month-old, Hari and me…And Anna Tardos! You write: “…but no one that I know of besides Magda Gerber has ever provided a plan to help parents help their babies reap the many benefits of mastery.” Dr. Emmi Pikler, whose ideas are the basis of Magda’s approach, did just that. Not that many people know that in addition to running the Loczy Infants’ Home in Budapest where she applied her approach, she was a private pediatrician for about 100 families in the years prior to World War II. She taught the moms to do all that you write, even writing questions for them in notebooks and asking them to respond. Just FYI. And thought your readers would want to know.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 03 Jul 2016 05:08:47 +0000

I have 5 children 8 and under. I was great at this approach with my first four, but my 5th was born with detached retinas and I am at a loss as how to still do this. He has been very traumatized from 8 evaluations under anesthesia and 4 surgeries so far. He is just starting to be mobile, but gets very frustrated and won’t let me be away from him while he plays. The older kids don’t help because they instantly give him anything he drops! I know I need to do things differently with him, but I also have the major guilt of him struggling. It’s really hard! They thought he had cancer at a day old and our entire lives changed. I know this is good for him, but I’m not sure how to go about implementing a version of this for him?

By: janet

janet — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 14:52:00 +0000

In reply to Claire Larroux. Interesting, Claire! I'd love to hear more about that.

By: Claire Larroux

Claire Larroux — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 13:49:20 +0000

I know it’s not a large sample size but I followed this with my second child (not my first as much) and now at almost 3 (his older brother is almost 5), the difference is staggering.

By: Morgan

Morgan — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 07:36:13 +0000

Hi Janet,

I have a little 4 month old teether who since birth has been very happy playing on her own for the majority of her awake time. I would love to assist her through the teething process (her age means she has limited motor skills to pick up toys and chew them) without compromising this amazing independence she is demonstrating.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 15:43:17 +0000

As a speech language pathologist I must share that many of the recommendations made regarding language are completely unfounded. Parents please read up on RESEARCH based language learning strategies, before taking advice from anyone.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:01:53 +0000

Love the article and that blanket, is that a quilt u just laid her on!?

By: Naama Yehuda

Naama Yehuda — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 00:55:55 +0000

Great post. Good suggestions. Of course–as you mention and as would be respectful to the child–if the child is not developing normally and is having difficulty doing what would be expected at their age (within reason), then we SHOULD help them. However, the way of helping needs to be mediated by someone who can help break down the tasks to what would be manageable for the child AND allow for increasing the speed of the development of whatever’s delayed, so that delays not grow larger with time. Normally developing children CAN and SHOULD be allowed to resolve their problems–like the beautiful example of the baby in the video: it was CLEAR that she was working, and to interrupt that would take away the opportunity as well as the conviction that she CAN. However, we do have to take into account that there are babied who are saddled with issues that further complicate their abilities, and we need to help them more–some babies will NOT move on their own without learning how to do so (or given the opportunity to learn in a more specific way how). Just as with speech–most babies will learn to speak without therapy (magical, that is still to me after all these years!!), but there are those who MUST get help, or they will not learn to speak, and will get more and more behind. The key is to be sensitive to the child’s needs and to recognize when we need to step in–and HOW we need to step in, and who we’re stepping in FOR (for us, so that we feel better…or for the child..). So for any parent who would read in this (though I know this is not what you’d meant!) that it is sufficient to give your kid time even if they are delayed–seeking help for the child and learning how to help them is not interfering with a child’s autonomy but helping them reach theirs more fully.

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 20:42:00 +0000

Love this video and post. I am struggling as I have since birth passed my baby everything (I didnt know RIE then so i am catching up). My son is now 17 months old and regularly asks me to help him with things, I respond lightly with ‘You try it?’ but he just points at me and says ‘you’ (meaning he wants me to), if I then dont he gets upset. Then I have feelings that come up such as ‘he wont feel like i am listening if i dont get it. sometimes i do offer a suggestion if he seems stuck. Today this scenario happened with a ball that had rolled under the sofa, in the end i suggested we walk around the back of the sofa and try to get it, which he did, so getting there. I do practise observation and if he seems stuck and asks for my input i do offer a suggestion, if he declines it I do offer to do it together. Any suggestions or input would be appreciated.

By: Jennie A

Jennie A — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 16:55:22 +0000

What about giving a baby a toy as redirection from something she shouldn’t have? Our house is pretty child-oriented but it is also where adults need to function so there are things that the baby might reach (once, before we move it out of reach for the duration) that I need to take away from her. I always suggest our toddler give her something if she’s taking what he’s playing with, and I try to do the same (“trade”). Certainly my suggestion is powerful in this setting!