Comments on: Parenting Secrets That End Power Struggles

By: Lakshmi

Lakshmi — Wed, 29 Dec 2021 06:01:16 +0000

In reply to Rick Ackerly. Will paste it on my fridge. Thanks Rick!

By: Shelley Robson

Shelley Robson — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 17:15:45 +0000

Hi Janet
My 3 year old daughter has started acting like a baby, she’ll talk like a baby and I can’t understand her, she asks for a dummy even though she hasn’t had one for about 2 year and asks for a nappy on again which she hasn’t had for about a year.
I no it doesn’t sound bad but I find it really frustrating behaviour and I’m not sure weather to act along with her or to discourage her from doing it.
I don’t want to crush her imagination I’m any way but I find it hard to understand her and I do t want her to go back over.
Thank you

By: Mary Leinberger

Mary Leinberger — Fri, 13 Jul 2018 00:49:16 +0000

Please add me to your mailing list. I’m really struggling on setting boundaries and am with my daughter (2.2 yrs) 24/7. She breastfeeds all night and constantly wants my attention all day. I’ve gotten into the habit of mostly agreeing with her to stop her mega tantrums (since birth she has had crying sessions that last hours. Started with colic up to 9 hours a night. But now it’s morphed over time to temper tantrums/tantrums when she wakes in the night etc with no apparent cause). I often empathise and say “I see you’re feeling cross/sad because xyz, and that’s ok, but mommy still has to xyz”. I feel ragged and worn out, but I have never shouted at her or raised my voice or left her alone to tantrun. I hold her or stay close by always. And I try hard to have a flexible day that still has structure and routine. Plenty of nature play and open-ended toys. And very healthy food etc. I’m at a loss really. She is angelic in public but at home she rules the roost and it is seriously unpleasant

By: janet

janet — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 06:25:18 +0000

In reply to Maura. It's not a phase. You've got this! Yes, empathy does feel good. Very, very good. I love your story and am thrilled to the bone that these ideas are giving you confidence and enjoyment. You are so welcome and thank YOU for making my day! x Janet

By: Maura

Maura — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 02:19:11 +0000

Hopefully it is not just a phase, but I have been truly unruffled for so many more moments than not. Thank you!

This evening, my daughter did not want to get out from under cozy covers to go to the bathroom one last time. “Let’s go, it’ll be quick,” was my first response and then I remembered to empathize. “I know how hard it is to leave a cozy bed. You want to stay cozy.”

I then offered that her stuffed animal could keep her place warm and we could wrap her blankie around her. She thought that was silly and fun and off we went.

You give these examples all the time in articles and podcasts and I enjoyed myself putting it into practice. Empathy feels good. And it’s received well. Thank you for the guidance leading to another pleasant bedtime. They are accumulating and becoming the norm.

By: Joanne Dixon

Joanne Dixon — Sun, 07 Dec 2014 09:39:22 +0000

Hi Janet,
I’m hoping you can share some insight for us. We are a brand new family of four. We had discipline all sorted in loving ways before my second son was born and for the first time I was away from my toddler, now 2 1/2 years old, for 5 days recovery in hospital. After this of course everything changed in our family and now baby is 6 months old and our toddler is going wild for attention. We are most days sleep deprived and low on energy which is the major issue. If I can get at least 4-5 hours sleep then I am almost a different mother. I have energy for both toddler and baby. But when I don’t my toddler hits stamps whacks the baby and glass for my attention. I’m so tired its all I can do to not break down in tears in front of both boys. It feels like I don’t have enough energy to be in two places at once let alone think of the right words to use with my toddler or think ahead and plan activities for him at times when I need to nurse baby etc.
a lot of what you do requires training yourself and keeping up with your child but I find it so exhausting and baby suffers more on those tired days that I have to put him down and go constantly to raging toddler. I have sadly introduced a naughty corner which I am sure he will not even understand yet, but it is actually helping us at the moment.
Any advice for this anxious weary mum and dad?
Thanks Janet and we love reading your posts they give us much hope

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 07 Dec 2014 02:08:26 +0000

In reply to Stephanie.

My first thought is… don’t give her that much food. Help her not throw food by only giving her a little at a time, and take it away and end the meal if she starts throwing.

Second thought is to not make a big deal of it. “I see that you are done with your meal. You don’t need to throw food to tell me that. I will help you by taking the rest of the food away.”

She’s trying to figure out where the boundaries are, and you can make it easier on both of you by being firm and unemotional about it.

(I know it’s hard to remember that in the moment, though – which is why not giving her the opportunity and tools to test those boundaries – lots of food to throw – is helpful for both of you.)

By: Hawley

Hawley — Tue, 06 May 2014 23:30:40 +0000

My 6 year old twins have two big power struggles with us every day. One is brushing their teeth at night and the other is getting up in the morning and getting ready for school.

Cannot seem to figure either one out.

By: tiff

tiff — Tue, 06 May 2014 12:35:01 +0000

I have been reading this page and following on face book for about 4 months now and I wish I had found RIE when our son was born four years ago. As a home visiting nurse I have started talking about these principles with my clients and I am really watching babies now. So lovely, I feel a little sad that I missed a lot of this with my son. I have never felt good about redirection/distraction/punishment/ and am always looking for more gentle respectful ways of parenting. Basically, I was missing the boundary setting and giving him too much choice(incredibly wishy washy and way too wordy) and RIE tonight helped me help my four year old son discard a long held sleep association of being carried and sung to sleep (transitioned from being breastfed to sleep:-). Either my husband or I walk and sing him to sleep. I was expecting a lot of resistance and tears. I was prepared. I was calm. I was matter of fact. I explained briefly last night that he is too heavy to carry now and it is winter and cold and we need him to learn to sleep lying down. He was upset and said he didn’t want to. I said “tonight is the last night of singing songs”. He was upset and wanted me and not my husband to sing. He woke as I was putting him down and requested my husband sing as well. His own way of saying goodbye. Tonight, we lay down after our usual bedtime routine. I spent two hours after work today playing his games instead of my usual hour (my husband is the stay home parent). When time came for sleep, he asked to sing songs. I said calmly, “it is hard to make changes, tonight is the night to sleep lying down. I am here and I will stay with you while you learn”. After a bit of tossing, he asked me to rub his back. I did so and he was asleep within minutes. I think my working on my boundaries over the last few months has really helped him trust what I say. We have had many tears and testing since I have been setting more limits. Thank you so much for the page. I am learning, our son is more settled and our whole family is gaining so much from this new (for us)perspective into human communication.

By: Dina

Dina — Fri, 27 Dec 2013 14:30:18 +0000

In reply to Juliette. Juliette, Did Janet reply to you about this? If you still need support, let me know. Also, if Janet did respond, I am interested in her suggestions.