Comments on: Guilt-Free Discipline (3 Secrets)

By: Ivy

Ivy — Tue, 28 Aug 2018 03:59:57 +0000

Hello Janet,
My 2 year old daughter I guess started her toddler life, she started to throw tantrums anywhere and she will cry and scream for 1/2 an hour if she don’t get what she want, or if her Dad try to stop her from something like not using her soother during the day, it will really upset her and she will cry out loud and nothing can ever stop her.
It is becoming a problem between my partner and I because we are not used to crying, my daughtet has been really easy and independent all along. It is affecting our relationship to the point that we realized we are not on the same page on parenting her. He is very strict and firm, he can stand putting her time off and let her cry for long time. I would say I am very soft, permissive and dont wanna deal with her crying so either I talk to her calmly eventhough she would scream at me, or divert/distract her from being upset by asking her staffs that she want to do instead.
My partner thinks that I am making him the bad guy in our daughter’s eye by simply not following what he is doing on disciplining her.
Please enlighten me Janet, I know I can never be tough as him. It breaks my heart seeing my daughter desperately crying. Yet at the same time I dont want my relationship with my partner be affected. Thank you.
Regards,
Ivy

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 22 Dec 2016 16:00:20 +0000

My current challenge is helping my 3.5 year old toddler. As most of his challenging behaviours occur when I am nursing or putting his 6 month old sister to sleep. Therefore I have to constantly interrupt her down time to address his behaviours, and she will not get the needed rest she needs. Any strategies to address this would be great thank you.

By: Leslie

Leslie — Fri, 04 Mar 2016 22:19:28 +0000

Hi! I just found your site a few weeks ago and follow you on facebook. I really like this approach to parenting, but I have no idea how to backtrack out of what we have been doing. 🙁 I feel pretty bad about something actually. Should I start with your book and then ask for a consult if I am still lost? I have a 9 month old and want to change my ways soon as everything I have read so far is spot on to how I want to interact with my baby, I just don’t know how to start. (Is there a how to get started page?)

By: Jae

Jae — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 18:05:03 +0000

I have been feeling depressed lately and felt like my relationship with my daughter was deteriorating because I didn’t know how to parent her. It felt like being a meanie to her not granting all her wishes. But when I was carrying her to wherever she was pointing to, I had a very similar experience as Stephanie – I was telling myself this was not right. Yes, I was afraid to face her meltdowns whenever I said no and I was afraid she would love me less.
In the beginning, when I thought about discipline and parenting, I was reminded how even the abused children still loved their parents, which is so sad but testimony to their ability to love so deeply. So I was prepared to be a loving but firm parent. But that was before I had a baby! When you have this person who fills your heart so full with love, it’s so easy to forget the perspective and affirmation that setting limits are important for them.
Thank you Janet and others for continuously writing these wisdom to encourage and remind me why I need to do this and why it will grow our love not diminish it.

By: janet

janet — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 17:24:43 +0000

In reply to Elizabeth. With respect, Elizabeth, you sound like a victim to your tiny child. How are you not able to prevent a less than 2 year old from hurting you? Be ready for this behavior and calmly stop him.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 17:16:58 +0000

The way this goes with my almost-2-year-old:
‘I won’t let you dump clean laundry.’
*Child punches me in the face.
‘Son, I won’t allow you to hit.’
*Child punches harder.
‘I understand you’re frustrated because you wanted to play with the laundry but I cannot allow you to hit.’
*Child screams, ANGRY! and bites down hard on my arm.
*I rip child off my arm.
*Child swings at me scratching my face.
*I freak out because now I am in pain, I have ten bruises on my arm and scratch marks all over my face from all the times this interaction occurs.
*Desperate, I resort to time-out.
*Baby cries, I feel guilty for giving him time-out.

By: Machin

Machin — Wed, 19 Aug 2015 13:20:13 +0000

Janet,

I’m curious as to how we should handle our most recent barrier.
Our daughter, she’s one, recently had a major abdominal surgery. As such, we are having trouble with meal times. She is refusing many foods she once enjoyed and has started throwing food.
Her mom and I are patient but aren’t sure the best way to handle this?
Thanks,
Machin

By: Bella

Bella — Sat, 07 Feb 2015 22:01:27 +0000

Hi!

I am having a difficult time with my son, soon to be 2 year old. He has a very strong will. When he has decided that he wants to do something its difficult to change his mind. Like when he wants to unplug/replug the electrical devices. Even if we tell him paciently that we cannot let him do that because it can be dangerous, he either gets very angry, or he smiles and says “no no” and runs off. Its not long before he tries again. Sometimes he waits for us to be occupied with something. He sometimes tries not to have eye contact when we speak to him and suddently says he want to do some colouring etc. He also likes to hit the load speakers. Same behavior. He recently started to hit us, sometimes in anger and sometime for fun. When he does it for fun he usually gives us a hug afterwards. But then he hits again and then a hug again. Should I reject his hug and say that I feel sad that he hits me? Or should I just continue what I do. He does not seem to listen to us… I dont now what to do sometimes. Do you have any advice for us?

By: Brittany

Brittany — Thu, 06 Mar 2014 23:42:51 +0000

I have a lot of difficulty enforcing limits with my daughter (now almost 18 months). She is very strong willed, and as mentioned above by some, there seems to be no middle ground between her laughing as though it’s a game and her crying because it’s too harsh. I’ve tried being sensitive and communicating as though she understands my words and is capable of accepting them. When she doesn’t listen I repeat them and try to stand firm. But the pattern I’ve found is not like the stories in your post .. Instead she will repeat the unwanted action over and over in defiance and there seems to be no end to her stubbornness. It often reaches the point of absurdity in terms of how long I spend trying to get her to comply. I’m not sure where the happy medium is in this situation.

As a background, I’ve tried from the beginning to be responsive and to meet her needs, and so far she is still very clingy and demanding (of my time and attention in particular, while generally being very happy and independent for long periods of time when taken care of by others). Any wisdom would be appreciated:)

By: Staci

Staci — Thu, 06 Mar 2014 20:37:05 +0000

In reply to janet. A lot of what you recommend in your post and in the comments makes good sense. However, asking the child to set the timeline and tell the parent where things belong is the sort of approach that causes children to feel unsafe subconsciously. They wonder, "How am I supposed to know?" We raised our kids in the US until they were 13 and 16, then we moved to Central Europe. Parents here aren't afraid of their kids. They just tell them what to do, the kids do it, and life goes on. It's much simpler. Twenty years ago I'd have read my own comment here and thought I was oversimplifying childrearing, but now I firmly believe that unless you have a special needs child, the best thing you can do for your child is tell them what to do and expect them to listen. Kids here are FAR better behaved than in the US.