I love this because my three year old son is in the phase of telling us to “shut up” and being more defiant than normal. He is almost 3 1/2 . He will listen to my husband because he is gone a lot and I am with him most of the time but when it is only my toddler and myself, he can be pretty bad. It’s embarrassing when he tells others to shut up or will talk about bad guys he see’s on tv and even told my dad that he was going to kill his dog. I know he doesn’t understand a lot of what he says now but I have taken him aside and spoke with him one on one. It can be hard being so calm in difficult situations like this.

I have two grandchildren 9 yr old grandson and 2 yr old granddaughter that have had a tough time in their own home and are spending more time with us this summer , now I come from a very strick home and raised my daughter accordingly never had any problems like we do with the grandkids , not my daughters kids they are my stepdaughters who had a rough childhood.
These kids are so disrespectful and rude , the little one uses foul language hits screams tells me to stop it intentionally breaks things, the older one doesn’t talk back but gives that look and has no respect for other people’s things says he doesn’t care does spiteful things.
I hold my cool most of the time but after a few days I have been known to lower my voice and roughly pick up the little one and sit her down and tell her not to speak to me that way. The older one is bigger than me so I just lower my voice at him.
If I was to ever speak to my parents or grandparents or be disrespectful in any manor like these children my behind would have been sore the next day.
Its truthfully embarrassing , to the point I won’t take them to family functions or church activities. I love these little ones but am wore to a frazzel.

Stop blaming yourself. Your child is acting selfishly and disrespecting others. The authors advice to continual avoid correcting this behavior is terrible. Your reaction is not causing the behavior. All children go through this and it is your job to correct it or raise a maladjusted child no one wants to be around.

After reading your article on consequences, I feel like maybe I’ve been handling it correctly after all! Thanks! I needed that after a trying few days.

Hi Cara! It would be a consequence (the honest kind I agree with and explained here: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/07/truths-about-consequences/) in that you are essentially saying, “I don’t feel taking you somewhere when you are talking to me rudely.” That’s honesty and not being a doormat. I would say it in the kindest, gentlest, most matter-of-fact manner.

Hi Janet!
You mentioned that you wouldn’t jump to help her, or take her on outings if she were treating you rudely. I’m wondering what you might say in that situation? What might this conversation sound like with a 4yo? When this happens with my 4yo daughter, I feel like I’m creating a “consequence” by cancelling plans for an activity.
Thanks!

🙂 Thank you, Anda