Comments on: The #1 Reason We Misunderstand Our Kids (And Secrets To Better Clarity)

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 29 Sep 2018 05:47:18 +0000

What about breastfed babies who nurse for many reasons aside from hunger? I often can’t discern whether my son is tired or hungry when he is upset. I would hate to think I am merely stifling his cries when offering him an opportunity to nurse.

By: janet

janet — Sun, 27 Mar 2016 02:50:14 +0000

In reply to Francine. :) I love that, Francine, and thank you for sharing

By: mike

mike — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 23:54:22 +0000

In reply to Lynn.

Lynn:

As Janet’s sometimes editorial confidante, I understand your point. This is something we have thought about a lot, and since no one else is going to be particularly interested in an explanation, I’m going to take my time here(there are so few posts I can respond to in a helpful manner).

Using ‘secrets’ as opposed to ‘tips’ is an editorial choice Janet and I made years ago because it seemed that all the popular parenting sites and mags who dish conventional wisdom use ‘tips’ to describe their advice.

To us, these short tips were usually ill-conceived quick fixes, tricks or gimmicks offered to solve (sometimes) large problems, and that is not what Janet wanted to offer on her site, and it’s certainly not what she writes. Tips — or quick fixes — may temporarily address a symptom, but certainly not the underlying problem. Tips don’t usually include insight or experience… Of course, some caregivers may not care to take a thoughtful, holistic approach, but I doubt those folks actually take the time — or have the time — to read Janet’s work anyway.

Secrets seems a decent — albeit imperfect — synonym with more meaning, because a secret, if you’re going to reveal it, really does demand explanation. Janet has never wanted to offer a purely surface view of any topic. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, she writes rather lengthy posts (sometimes too lengthy) and tries to cover topics completely, offering both insight and experience. Somehow, an article described as a list of “Tips” has always felt denigrating to the substance of the work.

And that’s what I know about ‘tips’ versus ‘secrets’…

By: Lynn

Lynn — Fri, 28 Mar 2014 17:54:50 +0000

I do like this post, but I noticed something that bothers me, that a lot of parenting posts throughout various websites have. They say “secrets to parenting” or “secrets to understanding your child”. In the title of this post it says “secrets to better clarity”.It’s not a secret if you’re telling people; it’s tips, insights, advice, recommendations and pointers. You’re not becoming part of an exclusive club of people who have a bunch of parenting secrets; you’re gaining and expanding your knowledge about relationships and interacting with children.

By: Sara U

Sara U — Tue, 03 Sep 2013 20:30:00 +0000

I have the most trouble with the first one. Other people have this immediate urge to tickle, bounce, jog, stand-up, or otherwise manipulate my baby’s body. He (often, not always) giggles and smiles and laughs. I observe. I try to really ‘attune’, as they advise, and see if he is happy, laughing, enjoying the attention. A lot of the time, I really think he is laughing. I think he likes dad’s hair tickling his chin. He’s truly giggling. The first time I heard my baby laugh was when my husband was tickling him on the changing table. It was such a sweet sound. I don’t know…

By: Francine

Francine — Tue, 03 Sep 2013 07:24:14 +0000

In reply to janet. Coincidentally, I am rereading this post on the first day of his second year of school. I feel better already! :)

By: janet

janet — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 16:48:57 +0000

In reply to Francine. Never, Francine! :)

By: Francine

Francine — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 13:37:29 +0000

In reply to janet. Your reply to Lindsey is very reassuring to me as this is my main worry these days with my son at a public pre-school. I worry so much that those influences will be stronger than those at home.

By: janet

janet — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 23:42:00 +0000

Lindsey, I believe in the scientifically proven power of the first years. If we tend to this foundational period by trusting children to develop skills in their way and time, and if we foster a trusting, respectful parent/child relationship and support children to build resilience and self-confidence, then our kids can succeed in less than ideal situations. They can survive mediocre teachers and schools when their influential parents continue to respect their individuality. We will always be our children’s most important teachers.

Beyond that, some parents are blessed to have more options than others… We do our best!

By: janet

janet — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 23:30:23 +0000

In reply to Maclachlan. Great insight, Maclachlan!