Comments on: Helping Kids Adjust to Life With the New Baby

By: Gian

Gian — Fri, 23 Jun 2023 03:35:47 +0000

How do we get grandparents on board with the program?
My mom/the grandma comes over twice a week to help us out with the newbaby.
While the approach seems to be working with us, the parents, and our eldest child,
my mom/the grandma has been struggling and our child acts out more with her now. He disrupts her chores like pulling out clothes she is folding or jumping around the sofa she is cleaning.
Because of repeated outbursts like this, I see also that she is starting to feel negatively towards him. I’ve heard her call him a brat and respond “I dont like you too” to my son. This breaks my heart.
How do I share this parenting philosophy with my mom/the grandma without appearing to criticize the more authoritarian approach she used to raise me? I tried to talk about it with her, I asked if she could hold off from doing laundry when the child is with her etc. I encouraged her to instead just play/ spend quality time with him. But her response is that she feels triggered and that I should start “really disciplining” my son.

By: janet

janet — Tue, 11 Oct 2022 19:32:20 +0000

In reply to Katy Wood. Really helpful, Katy, thank you for sharing your experience.

By: Katy Wood

Katy Wood — Tue, 11 Oct 2022 09:52:33 +0000

In reply to Mina.

Our daughter was 18 months old when our youngest was born… Basically following what Janet says worked really well. Our 18 month old lashed out at her new sister – I’d make it boring and matter of fact “I’m going to put your sister where you can’t touch her while you calm down”. It didn’t last long, because the 18th month old quite liked having a baby on the floor to stare at… and while the baby napped I’d make sure to read a book one on one with her older sister.

By: JOSEPH AGNELLO

JOSEPH AGNELLO — Sat, 09 Apr 2022 07:57:20 +0000

In reply to Zoe.

I am 2 years older than my brother who was born in 1952.
I did feel abandonment , and Mom saying with pointed finger ” be nice”. “Don’t be a bad boy.”.
I picked him up and dropped him in his crib.
It felt as the natural thing to do.I thought I would be praised. I was shocked at SHOCKING negative reaction from Mom especially and relatives calling me a ” very bad boy.”I might have gotten spanked. I was sent to bedroom, feeling massive shame and guilt. A foreign emotion which I have never felt before ; I did not know why.I did act out and internalized this treatment from Mom. ALWAYS in trouble with authorities :classmates , teachers and safety patrol–street crossing guards.
It lasted for years, THROUGHOUT my GRADE SCHOOL . It took YEARS.IT TOOK CONCENTRATED EFFORT TO GET OVER SHAME- BASED behavior and DISCIPLINE that followed.

By: Tereza

Tereza — Sat, 02 Oct 2021 05:54:23 +0000

Hi Janet, love this article. I have one question, we have a 20 month old son and a few days old baby girl. Our son has a very gentle and caring nature, he is very lovely with the baby but anytime she cries for food or wind, he takes it so personally and starts crying too looking so genuinely sad and stressed he has hurt the baby even though he didn’t apart from the odd accidental poke when he is showing interest in baby sister.
How do I help him to cope? He worries so much about her it makes me worried about him.
We follow gentle parenting and talk about everything but he is still quite little himself (and from a bilingual family) so I feel like he doesn’t quiet understand everything yet.
Thanks for any advice.

By: Ayesha Gordon

Ayesha Gordon — Wed, 10 Feb 2021 01:42:04 +0000

Hello, I am working with a family what are expecting a new sibling and the older sibling would benefit from this social story

By: Kirstie

Kirstie — Sun, 05 Jan 2020 06:27:13 +0000

Great information Janet, have you got any posts about preparing a child for a new baby? I’m due with my second in 3 months. My first will be just over 3yo. I have one big sister book I’ve been reading but feel we need to do more to prepare but not sure how to go about it. She’s very bubbly and boisterous and enthusiastic but used to being the centre of her universe. I’m not sure how to better prepare her.

By: Mina

Mina — Fri, 15 Nov 2019 16:27:05 +0000

This is great for an older child who understands, but what about do you suggest for a child who doesnt quite understand such complicated ideas yet. My toddler will be 21 months when the new baby is born and I am a bit worried since he is too young for me to prepare him for a new baby brother. I am trying to teach him concepts like “being gentle” and “sharing” but I know that is not enough. What else can I do? Right now he is 16 months.
I am also worried because he does not go to daycare and while I do take him to the park, he doesnt often interact with babies his age or younger. He is a very loving, enthusiastic and intelligent boy, loves to fake laugh to make us smile and randomly gives us hugs and kisses. At the same time, he also occasionally smacks, bites, and throws his head back when we are holding him. He is very used to being the only child at home and having my attention whenever he needs it.

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 18 Jun 2019 05:46:24 +0000

In reply to Rafaela Rios. I think you can still talk about it. Next time she acts out maybe ask if she needs a hug? Find time to talk about the feelings she might have been having & tell her it's okay. Say sorry for specific reactions you've shown in the past that you realise were not right / came from being overwhelmed by your own emotions or expectations towards her. Hopefully she'll see the change in your attitude. All the best!!!

By: Rafaela Rios

Rafaela Rios — Wed, 10 Apr 2019 15:11:15 +0000

What do we do when we feel like it’s too late? I wish I had read this article before the arrival of our son. My daughter is struggling and I feel like we have wronged her with our reactions and remarks. Her behavior seems to be totally out of control. How do I win her back? Please, help!