Comments on: Toddler Discipline That Works (It’s About Our Attitude)

By: Jessie

Jessie — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 03:59:19 +0000

I have to say I’ve seen mass improvement using several of your methods with my 2.5yr old daughter. I was so proud last weekend at a playdate. Kids were taking turns riding and driving in the big hot wheels car. The older kids were pushing her out and taking longer turns. Instead of her usual crying, on the ground, pushing back other kids and a tantrum, she walked over to the steps, sat down, took some deep huffy breaths and when I asked if something was wrong, at just 2yrs old, she looked up and said “I fwustrated mommy. I really sad. You help?” (Pointing at the big kids not taking turns). I felt so connected to her and proud she knew to step back, feel her feelings in a safe space, and ask for my help.

Now she still has bad days. Like yesterday at the pumpkin patch she threw herself on the ground over not getting a longer turn riding the hot pink tractor. I sat with her as she cried for a minute, told her I understood and taking turns can be hard, as dozens of ppl walked around us. I finally said “I’m sorry your sad but I can’t let you block others and just lay here kicking where you may accidentally hit or trip somebody. So you can walk to the car with me to feel sad a bit longer, or I can pick you up and carry you to where it’s safer.” She didnt like either option and I had to carry her kicking and screaming. We ended up leaving and going home. She cried the whole way home. It was exhausting and my nerves were shot. But it’s those good days I remember and like to think of on tuff days…where i know something’s connecting and in the end that feels far better than how i felt as a kid when my mom in public would yell at us to “straighten up” and “better stop this crying or I’ll give you a real reason to.” Fear was what kept us in line. We all turned out ok, and still love and are strongly connected as adults to her…but I never really felt that connection as a kid. If there is this other, more positive way I can get the same results without using fear so we can connect while shes young AND as an adult – i choose that! It’s tuffer some days, but feel it’s worth it. Thank you.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 02 Jan 2019 02:58:19 +0000

“The times we must wear our professional hat are perhaps the most precious kind of quality time, because children need our empathic leadership even more than they need us to be their playmates and most ardent fans.” This really spoke to me tonight and is just what I needed. I have been following you since my son was 1 (he is now 3) and it IS very hard sometimes as I am a full time working mama. My husband definitely wears the party hat all the time and I feel like I have to be the professional one all the time (not that I am not fun, but I always have to be the one setting the limit). However, when my son does have has his meltdowns, hard feelings, etc., he always comes to me and wants to “talk about that”…we sing songs, etc. about the difficult feelings/situations and viola, he is better and it is so so very connecting for us both. Thank you for teaching us to always acknowledge and accept <3

By: janet

janet — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 00:36:05 +0000

In reply to Andrea. Hooray! I'm so glad to hear that, Andrea. :)

By: Andrea

Andrea — Mon, 01 Jan 2018 23:56:03 +0000

“One of my biggest aspirations as an educator is to effect change in our perceptions of discipline, boundaries and limits — to help transform these terms from negative to positive. ” Thank you for this… it is exactly what you have done for me 🙂

By: Lacey

Lacey — Fri, 30 Dec 2016 16:19:10 +0000

Hello! I have a very caring and sensitive 3.5 year old boy. He is smart and loves to help and do things by himself. However, he has these negative tendencies that we are trying to get him out of! We are all for positive parenting and we try to always go with positive words rather than harping on negative things. Meaning we say ‘please stay on your chair’ rather than ‘don’t get off your chair’ etc. Anyways, if we give any resistance to him he begins with his negative words. His big one is ‘I don’t like you’. Or ‘I don’t like anyone’. And lately he has started going up to pout in his room when he ‘doesn’t like anyone’. We try to tell him we only say positive things and then we give a few suggestions, or we say some positive things to him. Is this just a phase? Is there something more we can do? My fear is that we end up with some disconnected ’emo’ child who doesn’t like anyone and hides in his room! We even tried playing a board game as a family and he just hits the pieces away and wrecks it for everyone, and then went to pout in his room after… I feel like we are giving into his behaviour and enabling him by going after him, and playing into his ploy for attention… maybe more attention in other areas would remove this tendency? But I do not feel he lacks attention…

By: Annabel

Annabel — Tue, 03 May 2016 18:11:05 +0000

Hi Janet
I have a wonderful, energetic and smart 24 month old son who has started to voice his independence and his way of seeing things. Even my ped has recently commented that he ‘is a handful’. I really like the RIE approach and have read your book and it seems that we do communicate beautifully (generally). Lately though I have to admit that I am at a loss on how to deal with his stubbornness, so much so that I’m starting to doubt myself (it doesn’t help that my mother keeps telling me to distract him when she sees that we are at a point where either he or I need to cave in). The example today was that whilst having dinner, (he ate all his food sitting down at the highchair), he wanted some favourite items that were still on my plate. I have no problem is sharing my food however I expect a “tomato please mama”, words that he knows very well how to say rather than whining, hitting the highchair with his feet and banging his hands on the highchair tray. I calmly said that if he says the word please and which items he wants then he would have them on his plate. needless to stay his stubbornness kicked in and crying, shrieking and more banging ensued, plate being thrown on the floor. i stopped eating and told him that i understand he’s upset and when he calms down he can tell me what he wants and ask nicely with the word please. after 15 minutes of crying and shreiking, my husband took him down from the highchair, he came for comfort, i explained it again but by that time he was so worn out by the crying that he didn’t want to eat anything else, he just took his pacifier and went to lie in his reading corner. i felt that i failed in my lesson and this has started happening regularly as in i’m not sure whether my message is getting through. any advice please? should I see through it? should I have left him in the highchair until he calmed down and then what? your advice is much appreciated

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Mon, 04 Jan 2016 14:00:00 +0000

Hi Janet,
I am slowly working through your website and find so much info; I am excited to review it all but being a FT working mom of the 20 month old, i have very limited time. I am wondering what your thoughts on Time Outs are. I have a feeling it is not supported and I am really on the fence if it is something that is reasonable and effective. Can you direct me to the discussion on this topic if on your site? I did a search and could not see anything. My thinking that you are not supportive is by way of your other positions on discipline but would like more explanation of its lack of effectiveness and disservice.

By: Stacy

Stacy — Fri, 30 Oct 2015 13:28:12 +0000

I recently stumbled on your website and it has turned everything I thought about parenting upside down! I am trying to apply RIE principles with my 8 month old but it is quite difficult. My grandmother is taking care of him for a majority of the day (I feel I have to remind her that he is my baby and not hers) and my Asian culture does not understand the concept of a non-“community” baby-the many friends and family we encounter everyday love to parent him the non-RIE way unfortunately. But I will keep trying! Thanks for your wonderful posts and encouragement.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Wed, 21 Jan 2015 21:52:53 +0000

I am wondering what exactly I should be doing when my daughter is having a tantrum. My daughter is 22 months and I also have a 3 month old son. Lately she had been having tantrums while I am nursing my son. I try my best to remain calm and tell her “I’m sorry but I can’t pick you up right now I’m feeding your brother. I will pick you up after he is done. I know that makes you sad and upset”. I also give her the option of coming to sit or stand beside us but she usually stands far away and cries and yells “Mama up”. Just wondering if there is anything else I should be doing or if I am on the right track. Thanks so much. I have read your book No Bad Kids and it had made a world of difference offering me some useful strategies and opening my eyes as to what to expect from my daughter and how to adjust my attitude and not get ruffled.

By: chaitra

chaitra — Tue, 20 Jan 2015 12:30:06 +0000

Thanks a lot for this post Janet!
I love you soo soo much . Can’t even tell you how much I have learnt and grown as a person after discovering your blog.
Along with your post, its also the comments section which really interests me and your wonderful responses to them.

God bless you Janet.