Comments on: Need Your Child’s Cooperation? Try This…

By: Bridget B

Bridget B — Thu, 14 May 2020 05:30:29 +0000

Hi Janet, can I check, if I’m repeatedly week after week doing ALL of the above every time in a relaxed way, and my kid wants to hold the nail clippers forever and will grab them every time I start to try cut, do I then at some point confidently continue while she cries her head off acknowledging her feelings “you really don’t like this” – or do I move to distraction (she’s completely calm if I do it while I breastfeed or she has video to watch). Ill be honest, I prefer calm compared to two minutes of floods of tears (she never really cries about anything else) because doing it the calm way feels right. But your methods would say the distracting is wrong, and undermining in the long term?

By: Anda

Anda — Tue, 25 Jun 2019 15:15:47 +0000

Hi Janet. I’ve read this article and while it offers some great insight, I’m still not sure how to deal with this particular situation. My son is 3 and he has the night time routine established. So, he used to brush his teeth himself and after that I would brush them too, as he’s basically just eating the toothpaste and it’s crucial that he brushes really well cause he has a demineralization issues. Anyways, he had a cold for about a week and after that he doesn’t accept me helping him brush at all. I’m super stressed out about this and I’ve tried asking him why he won’t let me help but he just says he doesn’t want to. How should I handle this? So far, I’m just saying “you know if you don’t let me check to make sure you’ve brushed correctly, you might get cavities and we’ll have to go to the dentist to do fillings for you and you might not like that”. He just says fine and that’s that. I need help!

By: Trish

Trish — Wed, 16 May 2018 02:26:59 +0000

In reply to Rashmi. Based on the spoon refusal and the belief that you cannot give him the same food, I'd really urge you (and anyone getting ready to introduce solids) to read up on Baby Led Weaning. The book by Gill Rapley and Tracey Murkett is most helpful, though there are many online resources too. I find it so much more inline with my beliefs about parenting, means there's never any of the usual struggles surrounding meals, makes kids into more adventurous eaters and means we can all eat at the same time (while food is still warm!) Between 6-12 months, it's important for development to offer opportunities for solids, but breastmilk or formula still cover all their nutritional needs.

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By: Nana

Nana — Sun, 23 Oct 2016 04:33:31 +0000

I LOVE the song! I think singing is a wonderful opportunity to get everyone through stressful situation (including mom)!

By: janet

janet — Mon, 16 May 2016 15:20:49 +0000

In reply to Shawna. Do you welcome him to express his feelings about this as you are moving forward with your calm insistence? "You really don't like this! I hear you!" I don't recommend using the timer. I think creating those kinds of countdowns only adds fuel to a power struggle. The timer also demonstrates to your son that you are tentative around this issue.

By: Shawna

Shawna — Mon, 16 May 2016 14:19:55 +0000

So, what do you do when holding them down is the only option? My son has an ear infection and possible strep. He has to take meds 2x/day for 10 days. I’ve tried giving him the option to help, walking him through what will happen, setting a timer and letting him know we’ll take medicine when the timer goes off, talking through his feelings and understanding them… Yesterday morning, after 45 minutes of struggle, he won and no medicine was taken. This morning, after trying all the techniques again, we had to hold him down and lay him flat so he wouldn’t spit it out. He’s more cooperative for the evening doses. I want to practice positive parenting, but it just isn’t producing any results with my 2yo son.

By: janet

janet — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 16:36:15 +0000

In reply to Mrs P.

Can you give an example? It sounds like you might be giving too many choices and being tentative. Here’s another post on this topic that might be helpful to you: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/10/putting-an-end-to-power-struggles-with-our-kids/

By: Mrs P

Mrs P — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 11:46:13 +0000

I’m a big believer in RIE and have followed these sorts of things with my son all his life (3 next month). I always found him to be on the whole we’ll-behaved and tantrums were very rare. But four months ago his little brother arrived. They get on well and we seem to have avoided resentment(so Dar so good), but I just don’t seem to have time to give my eldest the choices and time I used to, because the baby is crying or calling in the background. Any suggestions or tips on balancing their competing needs so I’m not constantly nagging, yelling or enforcing?

By: Jessica

Jessica — Thu, 15 Oct 2015 06:19:34 +0000

In reply to Carrie. My daughter protested at teeth brushing until we went to the dentist. Now we play dentist almost every night. "Welcome to the dentist little girl, let me see you teeth. Oh my, you mush brush them at home. Your teeth are so healthy, etc." she sometimes even gets to lay in the recliner and wear sunglasses for the full experience!