Comments on: Parenting A Strong-Willed Child

By: Elena

Elena — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 22:46:04 +0000

I am still struggling so much with the day to day application of these principles. My kid is pretty strong willed and by the end of the day we usually reach a point where I feel drained. Also can’t quite figure out a respectful way to deal with boundary testing while having to do what needs to be done around the house and his younger brother – there’s just no time and nowhere to physically contain him when he feels like acting out and I need to be getting stuff done.

By: Kelly Pfeiffer

Kelly Pfeiffer — Tue, 21 Jun 2016 02:40:26 +0000

Yes, internal shifts are HUGE! I know the feeling of being worn down by a strong will child. I could not understand why she would choose certain things to “push” on. It hardly ever made sense to me, no matter how I looked at the situation.

One day I felt heartbroken that I couldn’t understand my child’s point of view and I decided to give up that goal of understanding her. (I thought it was a decent goal, but I made very little progress when that was my goal. She was a teen at the time.)

I wondered how I was going to be an effective parent if I couldn’t be an effective teacher to my child. I wondered why I was chosen to be her parent if I couldn’t teach her anything. Looking at the situation that way wasn’t getting me anywhere.

So I flipped around my view and asked myself, “What if she was sent to you to teach you something?”

It was a whole new way to view my child and to be curious about watching the way she approaches the world.

I don’t mean that I completely let go of being her parent of course, but I freed myself in many ways with my new way to approach her and her decisions. I became curious about her choices and actions.

By: Amy Ross

Amy Ross — Tue, 21 Jun 2016 01:52:55 +0000

In reply to janet.

Thank you for this particular scripting. I feel I handle my 2.5 y/o big emotions this way, I feel, however, he has been making EVERYTHING a battle royale to provoke bigger reactions. Essentially, this is how I react, but this is also an elaboration I could benefit from.

He’s surrounded by passive people who don’t see his aggressive tendencies because they basically don’t say no or mean what they say.

So, I pick up the pieces and feel overwhelmed from time to time–tonight was an example of it, so, I needed this. I need this over and over sometimes, just as described.

He wants to run the show with every single transition–some is spd and some is clearly normal strong willed stuff. I fight myself on when it’s actually not in my control anymore–other than being that sounding board. Sometimes we don’t have the answers, but we still have the acknowledgement.

By: Maggy

Maggy — Wed, 20 Jan 2016 13:58:15 +0000

I love this and I enjoy reading all your posts and listening to your podcasts. I really identify with this mom expect that I have not gotten to the part of my little girl being happier. I get her up 45 minutes before we have to leave and this used to be enough time but anymore, it is a struggle every step of the way. We lay in bed for 15 minutes nursing & cuddling, then it’s time to change diaper & get dressed. I start preparing her by saying things like “In 5 minutes, mommy will pick you up and we will go to your room and milk in the chair”. She always says “ok” and nods in agreement but then the screaming, kicking, trying to hit begins as soon as the 5 minutes are up. I’ve tried the “do you want to walk to your room or would you like me to carry you” option to which I just get a “no” so then I say “ok, looks like you’re having trouble getting to your room. I will just carry you”. Then it’s another battle (after nursing in the rocker for awhile) to change her diaper. Again, screaming, kicking, etc. She was never this extreme and I really don’t know what has changed. It’s gotten to the point where I have resorted back to the timer and I hate it. The timer dings (there is no ticking before it dings) and she seems ok with the next phase of getting ready. Obviously, I’ve done something along the way but I can’t figure what I’ve done. In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to add another 15 minutes to my morning routine. I just try to give her as much sleep as possible.

By: Nicki

Nicki — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 04:04:56 +0000

In reply to Alz. I am with you. I have a 6 year old and almost 3 year old. Both are very strong willed. The 6 year old was an only child, only grandchild on one side his first 3 1/2 years and now it seems no matter what we try he has to be the center of attention and everything is about him. And now some of the unwanted behaviors are being picked up by the younger child.

By: Nikki Lawson

Nikki Lawson — Sun, 21 Jun 2015 21:39:31 +0000

In reply to Diana. I am also attending counseling with my 10 y/o. Im a single Mom of her and a 16 month old boy. Its such an awe expierience to be reading this article, all the wonderful info. , and knowing im not alone.. thank you sooo much:-)

By: Anne-Mette Hermansen

Anne-Mette Hermansen — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 21:28:23 +0000

I very much enjoyed this article, and some of the beautiful stories in the comment thread. I would love to read more along these lines, especially practical advise for how to deal with the strong willed young child. I have an easy going 4 year old and a strong willed 16 months old – I’m A-cing it with respectfully leading the 4 year old through his emotional ups and downs, but not so much the 16 month old. I am still kinda shocked he is so different from his brother and often I find it hard to take the time and mental space to deal best with his testing and tantrums because with both of them around we have a busy life. I also find I write him off as “the baby” often so he doesn’t get to really decide or express things that I was more willing to do with his brother at that age. So while I’m very much enjoying your blog Janet, I am hoping that one of these days you’ll find time to write more about the younger crowd and how to implement your parenting philosophies with them – especially when they are putting us to the test!

By: msun

msun — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 03:29:41 +0000

In reply to Diana. Oh dear, I'm dealing with same thing with my daughter. She's got more the attitude of a teenager than of a 4yo!

By: Melina

Melina — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 21:27:29 +0000

Dear Janet, I am a RIE follower but new and still finding my way. Please direct me to useful articles suitable for raising strong willed pre schoolers! I have an almost 5 year old who is desperately needing a mom with more guided tools in her tool box!

By: Karin

Karin — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 01:39:41 +0000

I LOVE how all of these parents describe the struggles they have with their children….as their children’s strengths! This article was posted at just the right time for me too. Gave me a different view of the bedtime issue, and of the course the solution.