Comments on: Cutting the Cutesy With Our Kids

By: heather

heather — Sun, 19 Jul 2015 19:54:27 +0000

To dani and sophie,

This has bothered me for a while. Some of it stems from my own control issues. But, I will never be able to control how others speak to my son. I spend the most time with him and therefore have the greatest influence. I look at these situations as teachable moments. So instead of correcting the grandparent that picks him up without asking – I will tell my son “you can say no thank you or space please.” I know over time he will be able to set this limit without me.

By: janet

janet — Sun, 19 Jul 2015 16:16:17 +0000

In reply to Ellen Cogan. Yes, of course, Ellen. Thank you for asking! I hope it goes well!

By: Ellen Cogan

Ellen Cogan — Sun, 19 Jul 2015 11:14:47 +0000

Hi Janet,
I love your columns – read them regularly and recommend them often. I’m giving a presentation at an infant/toddler conference in NYC on Friday – topic is Perspective Taking. May I please use your first sentence and the accompanying picture as part of the introduction? Of course, with attribution.

By: Sophie

Sophie — Tue, 31 Mar 2015 00:28:46 +0000

I third that request! Any advice, Janet? Perhaps there’s a post on this already that I’ve missed?

By: Dani

Dani — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 02:00:25 +0000

I second Jonna’s question as that is something we’re facing as well (and I can only bite my tongue so hard). Any advice for handling this, preferably gracefully? 🙂

By: Jonna

Jonna — Wed, 30 Oct 2013 18:34:02 +0000

Hi! Thanks for this – very useful perspective. I was wondering if you have any advice on how to talk to family members (grandparents) about how we would prefer them to interact and how we ask them to stop doing some of the things they think are helpful, but are actually quite disrespectful. Examples include, saying “you’re ok. that’s enough” when baby fusses, always asking them to perform tasks, always interrupting play, and projecting feelings/thoughts onto them. Help!

By: Helen

Helen — Mon, 22 Jul 2013 14:33:52 +0000

In reply to Jessica Isles.

I’ve struggled for many years (35 to be exact, since our oldest son was born!) with the differences in early care approaches between the UK and the US. (I emigrated from England in 1972)

Now I think it’s the difference between the mainstream child care (parent or other) in the US vs. many other parts of the world.

Pikler and RIE are really non-American in philosophy and very European in their methods – so obvious since Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler worked in/were from Hungary!

That’s the realization I had last week. That’s why RIE/Gerber/Pikler don’t seem at all ‘strange’ to me!

Thank goodness we have Janet and Lisa Sunbury and their blogs for encouragement and support.

Constantly learning, constantly reflecting.

Grateful!

By: Jessica Isles

Jessica Isles — Sun, 21 Jul 2013 16:00:51 +0000

Hi Janet
This is the first mention I’ve seen of the super cutsie, cutsie approach to kids here in the US. When arriving from the UK we couldn’t understand why adults and teachers would speak to children in a different tone of voice – all cutsie baby tone and quite loud. And, very over the top with the praise and constant interruption of play to say ‘great job’. I thought it was to help them build their confidence but I found it quite grating just to listen a little so I don’t know how the kids must feel to be in a pre – school where that is a constant. I know I sometimes go over the top with praise and encouragement because I am enthusiastic about my children’s success but they tell me when to stop. A few years ago my 5 year old son was trying something new and I was cheerleading from the sidelines. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me and said ‘How can I think when you keep talking to me?’ What I saw as encouragement and help was actually a hindrance to him!

By: Mada

Mada — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:48:11 +0000

In reply to janet.

Hi Janet!

Thank you for your words! I’m really grateful for your help. That’s a great idea to pick him up and not just turn him over, it makes much sense. That was one of the things that was making me feel akward about turning him, I was feeling that it would be the natural thing that he would expect to happen each time he would get stuck.

I’ve read the post and watch the videos you sugested and they where also very helpful, thank you!

I wish your daughter a wonderful experience living and studying at broad!

By: Mazzy

Mazzy — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 15:37:52 +0000

This is a wonderful post (as always).

I find that I revert back to this “all-about-me-fix-someone’s-feelings-so-I-can-be-great” mentality when I’m especially tired and “off.” I guess because I don’t feel well, I can’t get myself out of myself and just be observant.

I wonder what your advice would be about illness in this case. I have a long-term illness that flares up from time to time. I have been sick for 2 weeks now, and I just don’t know how long it will go on this time. I feel like a terrible mother because I just want to rest and be alone (all the time, it seems like), so dad takes over a lot more than usual. Even though the rest really isn’t helping, after dad’s turn, I step back in and then still can’t really engage, my temper is shorter, my patience really thin. I feel like I want to be alone constantly…a whole month in Aruba on a beach would be nice.

My 20 month old son has been cranky lately, and I wonder if this is why. He was very upset when I left him with his daycare providers this morning. I tried to reassure him by giving him a hug and telling him that I would be back later, but ultimately, I felt responsible for his bad feelings. I pulled out of the parking lot, feeling terrible as usual, but then a weird thought occurred to me: “You know what – he’s very sad, but it’s not my fault.”

Or is it? After all it’s my fault that I am leaving him there all day and that I haven’t been as engaged as I used to be. Not sure how to work that around in my mommy brain.