Comments on: New Baby – Helping Our ‘Good’ Kids Express Hard Feelings

By: Sophia

Sophia — Fri, 19 Aug 2022 00:40:46 +0000

Hi Janet,

I am having similar experience with my almost 4 year old. He doesn’t like to admit his feelings even though I encourage him to: “It’s ok if you feel scared” to which he replies, tearfully, “I’m not scared!”. It would be the same response of when he’s sad, or upset. We also have a 6 month old. I love our baby so much but I also feel like I’ve turned my son’s life upside down. He no longer seems secure or confident. It really really makes me feel so sad for him.

By: Lost

Lost — Mon, 03 Jan 2022 15:27:35 +0000

I’m currently 6.5mths pregnant and my partner has an older son who will be 6 about 2 weeks after baby is born. We have had stalking issues from the boys mother about a year ago, police have warned her on a couple of occasions but haven’t taken any further action. I now leave my partner and his son alone when access comes as I feel terrified the stalking will escalate and I could be hurt if the mother finds out about the coming baby. The mother also found where we live and introduced herself to a neighbour in the building who now “reports” our movements to the boy’s mother and this scares me for my safety. She also moved about 6 weeks ago from another district to 2 streets away. 4 mths ago my partners son stoped speaking to me (and another close relative whom the mother has also stalked their family)and even with cajoling my partner’s son rarely speaks to me at all, care of his mothers wishes. I live with my ill mother and rarely go to my partner’s apartment as I’m scared for my safety. My partner comes to my place instead. We were planning on waiting till baby is born to introduce the siblings as early in pregnancy we asked my partners’ son what he thought about babies and he straight out said he doesn’t like them. I’m aware he can not be left alone near the new baby but don’t know the best way to handle this situation. My relationship with the boy was happy, comfortable and trusting until his mother stopped him speaking to me and would block access to my partner (contravening the court orders), if she thought I would be present. Please advise some suggestions here as I would like the siblings to have a relationship and a bond, not jealousy and negative feelings. We have been in a custody battle for the boy the last year as the boy needs additional assistance since his mother does not provide him with learning opportunities and we are concerned for his welfare. Has not been an easy road for anyone and the boy now prefers his mother as she allows him what he wants not what he needs. Please help, please also keep this anonymous. Most grateful.

By: Lacey

Lacey — Tue, 31 Aug 2021 12:32:43 +0000

We have a similar story but I have a 9yr old and a 3 month old. Man, has it been hard! Not only does my 9yr old have all his pre-teen emotions but also 2 yrs ago I lost a baby over half way into my pregnancy. My son was excited. We had the baby’s room ready and clothes bought. So while he is extra grateful for his new sister especially since the loss, he is also fearful he isn’t as loved and We won’t care for him because of her. It’s so hard to navigate what to do to help him.

By: Isabel

Isabel — Sat, 24 Aug 2019 00:34:04 +0000

It’s so relieving to read the struggles parents have experienced With their second child, and know i al not the only one feeling so sad And missing my older boy. My second is two weeks Old, and my first one is two.
One thing i am not sure about is how To get my two year Old To express his feelings, he is toó young To understsnd what’s happening. Janet ,
Ladsbury any suggestions to address this with a two year Old?

By: Alice

Alice — Thu, 22 Aug 2019 07:21:10 +0000

Sometimes the body expresses what they can’t tell. For about 12 months (from my last term of pregnancy until my son was 9 months), my 2.5 yo daughter wouldnt poop more than once a week. We tried everything (medicines, special diet) but it just wouldn’t improve anything. Until I realized that she just didn’t want to let of the 2 of us (like I did too). She had a lot of challenging behaviour and limit testing and was expressing her negative feelings a lot during that time, and we welcomed everything. But the most striking to me was the poop thing. And it resolved by itself when she started accepting and loving her little brother.

By: Verona Hanlon

Verona Hanlon — Thu, 23 Aug 2018 04:30:12 +0000

Love this – I had thought our amazing 2& 1/2 yr old had been fine with our new arrival – no jealousy, loved her brother etc But one day she came in to me (after reading one of her random books with her/ which also referenced the following) ‘Mum sometimes I feel left out too’ – I was floored, but delighted that she felt she could get it out! Since then she seems a bit more comfortable to express the little thoughts she has when times are a bit tougher (reflux/crying baby!)

By: JLN

JLN — Wed, 21 Sep 2016 20:02:58 +0000

I had similar feelings of mourning when my second child was born. I mourned the “best friend” feeling I had with my daughter, I mourned the “two of us” feeling we had. I mourned our night-time cuddles. I actually felt really sad about it in the weeks following the birth of my son (I am sure the hormones didn’t help). If I felt that sad, and I could name and understand the feeling as an adult – my daughter must have been feeling at least just as sad, and must have a harder time dealing with them.

By: kokie

kokie — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 17:22:31 +0000

Im so greatful for this, As I sit here 33 weeks pregnant with my second child im constantly over joyed and saddend at the same time. I wanted children for a long time, and when i finally gave birth to my first son i felt so complete. I literally have no words for it, my son is literally my happy place. for weeks now i have been asking myself why dont i feel as happy as i did the first time and its not that im not as happy its that im mourning life as we know it. my two year old is having a lot of emotional breakdowns and its been hard reading this gave me great insight

By: janet

janet — Mon, 24 Aug 2015 13:25:38 +0000

In reply to Shiloah. I wouldn't try to get her to talk about it or admit her feelings, because I don't believe that at almost 3 she completely understands them herself. I would warmly accept her happy tears and know that it is very, very positive for her to express them. Congratulations!

By: Shiloah

Shiloah — Mon, 24 Aug 2015 08:52:00 +0000

My almost 3-year-old is going through this now and we’re having a hard time getting her to talk about it or admit to her feelings. We’ve been following your suggestions on sibling relationships and I’m sure they’re the reason she isn’t so resentful of her brother (yet). She is nothing but loving to her baby brother (3 weeks old), but has bouts of what she insists are “happy tears”. We keep trying to tell her that it’s okay to have sad tears, too, but she puts on her biggest (too big to be real) smile and says, “I’m happy crying, mommy.” Breaks my heart. And I know how she feels. I’m grieving the loss of “just the three of us”, too.