Comments on: Stop Feeling Threatened By Your Child’s Behavior

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 26 May 2022 10:26:31 +0000

In reply to Thomas. Somebody doesn’t get it, and didn’t read the article.

By: Bri

Bri — Mon, 29 Jun 2020 10:26:58 +0000

In reply to Thomas.

“your baby boy hits his infant sister, you need to actually impress upon him that yes, other people can get hurt, and no that’s not okay to do. “Apologize to your sister” you have to actually make him say it, and if he won’t, no dessert (or if he’s being really bad, no dinner). Gasp, you say, that’s abuse. No it’s not. This is a child harming another person who can’t defend themselves. It is important for the growth of empathy to know what it’s like to suffer hunger or some other thing”

Punishment (ie removal of dinner etc) for bad behaviour doesn’t actually encourage “growth of empathy” as you put it. Punishment encourages a sense of shame and can ultimately create resistance, even if children comply after being punished often it is not because they have developed empathy or are sorry it can be out of fear and resentfully, if you create a sense of guilt in a child you may look like you are getting the behaviour you want out of them but it won’t be genuine. It isn’t actually teaching them empathy. Empathy and compassion has to grow from them, you have to teach it – explain why it hurts why its not okay, punishment is very rarely for the Childs growth or benefit but rather an impulsive reaction from a parent triggered from our own fear that our children are “uncontrollable” and not behaving “well”.

By: Nina

Nina — Tue, 26 Nov 2019 13:09:47 +0000

In reply to Thomas. One person ends and another begins! This is brilliant and a very important boundary to learn for a child. Probably the most important to become a decent adult.

By: Emily Carroll

Emily Carroll — Tue, 22 Jan 2019 14:49:46 +0000

Great piece.

By: Mehri Pouliquen

Mehri Pouliquen — Sat, 22 Dec 2018 03:38:04 +0000

Thank you thank you so much for all your great articles. It feels so comforting just to read anything that you write and I love your books. Every time I need an explanation for my child’s behaviour I just automatically turn to you for an answer. I’m so great full to have discoreved this positive and gentle approach to parenting. Since few days I have been hearing my 27 month old daughter saying ‘pas beau ‘ to my mother (grandmother) which means ‘not good’ in french. She is just saying it randomly like that , even when mother looking at her. My mother came from Sweden 10 days ago to France to visit us and everything was going so well until 3days ago that my daughter starting to say that to her for no reason. She express ‘not good’ to me and her father too but only when she disagree with something not for no reason. First I thought she could be tired or exhausted but she has been expressing it even when she is not. My mother is leaving in 3 days and I’m really upset that my daughter is talking to her like that. My mother and I had an argument with each other in front of her few days ago which was was so regretting and I’m suspecting her behaviour could has to do with that! And if it does, will it go away ? Or what could it be. I really feel awful about it because everything was going so amazing! I would love and appreciate your opinion about it. And thank you so much again . Lots of love – mehri

By: Marian

Marian — Sun, 01 Apr 2018 01:16:15 +0000

In reply to Razaan.

Keep reading everything here and EXERCISE. Even just doing as many jumping jacks as possible, before 10a. Push ups, sit ups: Move.

Before 10a. so you aren’t still carrying the day before into your lunchtime. 5 minutes, 3, more, whatever, just get a burst of you moving in your morning, everyday.

We are all doing our best and that is awesome 🙂

By: Bree

Bree — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 02:30:56 +0000

I need some serious help. Do you have any advice for two year old twins?? My girl is precious, sweet, and compliant; with the occasional expected meltdowns. My boy is a “beast” constantly throwing things, angry, crying, and CLINGY. I’m at my wits end. I tried to hold him even more to make sure he felt secure. I tell him beforehand what to expect, including our expectations. I make sure he is fed and he sleeps. He just seems to be getting worse. HELP.

By: janet

janet — Sun, 01 May 2016 18:24:11 +0000

In reply to Anna. Thank you for all of your wonderful encouragement, Anna! I'm thrilled you've found the articles helpful! And yes I do have a spy camera ;)

By: Anna

Anna — Sun, 01 May 2016 10:29:17 +0000

I have been following your page a while now and always wishing it was around years ago when I needed it parenting my own children when they were younger. I have found it very handy for the new mum group I facilitate and as a parallel line of thinking to the more mindful parenting I try to exhibit in recent years but it has often taken some thinking to extrapolate it out to my older one in particular. My boys are 7, 10 and 14 and we went through a big Mummy’s reached her limit meltdown/tantrum just a few days ago which we are working back from. I too can now say, like many others who respond to your writing, that you seem to have some sort of spy camera in my home and this was most perfectly timed! Thank you.

By: Razaan

Razaan — Wed, 22 Apr 2015 11:24:32 +0000

In reply to Amy. i have the same thoughts here