Hey, I do totally relate to this comment. We had hard time with our 4y for the past few month and read most of your article around it. I feel that those defiance behavior happen mostly when we set boundaries, but can’t physicly maintain them because we are working on something else (that’s why we set the boundaries!) . As it happen so less often if we include him in what we are doing, we tend to do that instead, but we end up not answering his need for play. I would so want to free his play without worrying about safety issue (especially with a 2yold sister who also need boundaries set with breastfeeding). Wow thats a long comment. Sorry.

May lots of love surround you as you navigate this! As for electric outlets- there are protective plastic plugs to put in them. Maybe you want to consider putting those in the ones your child reaches (or at least in the ones you don’t have to use that he is do tempted by!) Then he would be safe and you could focus on keeping the dog safe and the other stuff. Maybe you could put the dog in another room (if you have one) when your child is in that mood…but maybe you’ve already tried that!
Maybe I didn’t understand correctly, but I think you said you’re teaching him letters and numbers and he’s not enjoying it? I would say that at his age it is developmentally inappropriate to be strapped into a seat learning letters and numbers. He needs to be playing and moving around with adequate things to climb on and explore (not necessarily all the furniture unless you choose to allow it.) And also sensory play can do wonders at helping to calm and occupy. Things like sand, oats, beans, lentils, cornmeal, soil, water…. oh and play dough! And slime when he’s old enough to not eat it. He might like to mix different things…or play with trucks or other toys in it. ( Let him know where it’s okay to play with the dirt and if you don’t want him to throw it…if he starts throwing it you can give him one warning letting him know you don’t want him to throw and what you will do if he throws it and then the next time just cover it or put it away and move him to a different activity for a time. Once a child is 2 or 3 years old they can generally learn that they can make some messes but they will also need to help sweep it up with a little broom.) And yes, I’m sure you will look into communication delay and attend to healing the earaches as best you can. I don’t know if any of what I said is helpful, but my heart goes out to you as I know that this must be very constant for you and it can be exhausting! But it seems like you have a growth mindset, so I really feel like surely things will better and more clear for you even if they do feel tricky and sticky now! <3

Also, he’s been getting EXTREMELY upset at certain times of the day when I leave his playspace and/or don’t let him climb on me. He gets so hysterical, it really would make me think something was wrong if I hadn’t witnessed that it was nothing physical. What can I do? I’ve been trying to hold him and just let him cry; do I need to say anything? I think it’s actually easier for me to emotionally cope and stay calm if I don’t feel the need to say anything. I feel terrible when he’s like this though and then feel like I have to keep coming back, particularly if I’m not doing something urgent like cooking.

Would you just not provide dinner that night then? Just a snack before bed so they don’t get too hungry overnight?

I’ve handled this with my two year old by calmly refusing to let him move on to another activity until he complies. Until he does the thing, I will not make a snack, not turn on Paw Patrol, not take him outside. Once or twice I have had to gently take away the toy he moved on to until he does what I asked. Each time he asks I tell him I will make the snack/give the toy back/etc after he helps me clean up the playdough.

Of course, this won’t work if you are trying to get them to clean up before doing something they don’t want, like go to bed. I just don’t pick that fight, though I suppose you could make stories at bedtime contingent on getting toys cleaned up with enough time to spare before they need to be in bed.

Hi Ada – I don’t see that as testing. He is expressing his opinion and he has a right to. Between his time away from you at daycare and also the shift in your attention he senses in regard to your pregnancy, it sounds like he’s feeling sensitive and protective of his time with you. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still choose to see your friend if you wish to, but I would welcome him to share his feelings about that and not scold or coax him to feel another way.

He is happy in daycare but after daycare doesnt want to meet with children his age and their mothers. yesterday he said “no friends”! and when we met with a friend and her boy. he ignored the boy and once i started talking to my friend he cried ” mom come, not talk , sit here” i tried it a few times when he played in the sand, but he immediately noticed and said “mom here no talk”

what should i do? insist? i meet with friends only once a week so not to stess him too much. I am 4 months pregnant, so maybe this is the reason.

My question: how should i deal with it? not meet friends? meet and then just acknowledge but then do I “give up” and stop talking or do I continue talking while him crying in the backround (not so easy)…

My toddler (2.5) tests by stretching things out – for example rearranging the bathroom stool and climbing up in the toughest way to brush her teeth. She is constantly trying to find a new way to do each step of the routine. At first I was tolerant (it seemed like a new form of exploration), then I said ‘if you can’t do x, I’ll do it for you’ (she’s happy for me to do it and I’d really rather she just learn to go through these daily motions herself), now I’m in a rut of nagging. Is there a better way?