I am about to have my second. But while I know it is hard at first (all transitions are hard), I think about the love I have for my own siblings, the joy I get from them, and the memories we have together. And hoop boy did my sister and I ever have some doozy fights over the years! My husband also has a great relationship with his siblings. If you have siblings, consider this as well. A sibling is a long term, lifelong gift we give our families, I think! Even if they drive us crazy sometimes, it’s hard to imagine life without them. I don’t think it is traumatic for them. Learning to adapt in this way will teach them to love, grow their hearts, and build resilience. Just my thoughts that may reassure you ❤️

I can! In exactly the same position right now. Contemplating a second but at the same time not wanting my first to have to go through the pain of that kind of transition and wondering how I’d cope with the guilt and how I could ever love another quite as much! I didn’t expect to feel this way. I always imagined having two. And I love having siblings myself. I’m one of four. I think long term about it and I want it for my first. But the thought of those potential early days do make me nervous. We’re undecided at the moment…

Hi Anthony! My advice is that this too shall pass… Just acknowledge the feelings both children are having and keep doing what you’re doing. Try to alleviate yourself of the responsibility of soothing the emotions and, instead, focus on letting them be… while you acknowledge to your baby or your son.. .”I hear you are having a very tough time with this!” Don’t try to make it better. Accept and support what is. That is a powerful way to connect (though it might not feel so good to you in the moment). These experiences will bring you closer if you can let go and let them be. Congratulations!!!

My wife and I love reading your posts and recommend them to everyone. We have a 20 month old son that had colic for almost 9 months ( it was awful) now he is a champion sleeper and healthy! We recently added another little bundle of joy to our family and he is now 2 weeks old. And as it turns also has colic ( how did this happen to us again, I ask myself daily) and this has been super hard on the older brother. Mom is in the room all day consoling the screaming baby and I am trying to manage the house and my job and take care of my sweet little baby boy! He gets very upset when I am holding baby and does not like seeing mom with him either. He doesn’t get to spend time with the little one as he is always either crying or feeding.

Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated! We absolutely love this parenting style and treat our boys like the little humans they are with clear and open lines of communication!

Thank you so much!!!

I appreciate your response, Amy! You all are the nicest commenters ever, even though I just blew in here and started commenting without reading a word about RIE parenting beforehand! I do agree about acknowledging negative emotions and not glossing them over, but I feel also that there ought to be cues from us on what is a big deal and what isn’t .For example, I do acknowledge at a doctor’s visit that it will hurt, etc. and how we can work through it and help them feel better. But in smaller day to day occurences I want to help them learn to adapt by sometimes telling them that “you get what you get”.

I mean, I know everything is a big deal to a two year old, and that’s normal. I do want to validate their feelings, but at the same time, by the time they are four or five I tend to start telling them to put on their big girl (or boy) panties and just deal with it, because that’s how life is. All the while realizing of course that mom shouldn’t be as tough as real life, you know? I mean I do give lots of leeway.

I realize, based on reading some other articles, that you all take a different approach, and I appreciate the new ideas I’ve gained. I will definitely be reading up some more.