Comments on: 4 Reasons to Relax About Sibling Toy Taking

By: Pilat Patti

Pilat Patti — Fri, 14 Oct 2022 19:30:49 +0000

I am a girl three years older than my boy brother. I always thought my parents allowed him to take my toys and brake my toys and hurt me because he was younger. Now that I am adult, I realize that it was because he is a male. cultural religious patriarchy results in ssexism. I am 50 and still under him because I never married.

By: The secret of parenting? – Jenna Alton

The secret of parenting? – Jenna Alton — Wed, 27 Apr 2022 04:13:18 +0000

[…] consult much later than I should, because her advice always makes my life easier.) Janet recommends intervening minimally in sibling toy battles. That doesn’t mean she recommends parents should leave children to fend for themselves, of […]

By: Jackie

Jackie — Wed, 06 Apr 2022 03:12:54 +0000

What do you do when one twin wants what the other has very badly & without my involvement, he will escalate- yell grab cry & be persistant until he grabs it out of the other ones hands, & then she cries cause he took it. if i sit back i have someone crying & screaming for a while, it doesnt resolve itself. & anything i say doesnt change his persistance to get the object

By: Chris

Chris — Wed, 09 Feb 2022 01:27:02 +0000

In reply to Jennifer. What if the older child is taking toys and claiming them as her own?

By: Lauren

Lauren — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 20:32:09 +0000

Hi Janet. Great article! I wonder how this could apply to cousins? My son just turned 4 and is at least 2 years older than his oldest cousin and I’m struggling with navigating the dynamic, especially because the other parents involved do not agree with this approach. My son ends up being scolded constantly by the other parents and is told he is the oldest and needs to “be a big boy”. The other parents have told me that if I would intervene they wouldn’t have to. So I’m a bit at a loss as to how to do that without shaming my son for what I view as normal behavior (toy taking, running around, etc.) Any direction would be so much appreciated. Thank you for all you do.

By: Elva

Elva — Sun, 25 Oct 2020 01:16:31 +0000

In reply to janet.

I have met parents who don’t see their child as a bully (I am talking older children) and either refuse to acknowledge or can’t acknowledge it. While this child certainly does’t show ‘bully’ characteristics perhaps a new parent is concerned and wants to try to prevent these characteristics from development. ‘Well Joan, this child is expressing concern about losing his toy but he seems to be managing the situation adequately on his own.’
Different ages, different birth order, different personalities, but respect for your sibling or playmate overall.

By: Elva

Elva — Sun, 25 Oct 2020 01:02:47 +0000

In reply to Joan Fleming. Joan, I agree with you. All children need to be respected but as well parents must ask themselves "what is my bottom line? What are my standards? At what point do I intervene? " I think parents should be more pro-active and communicative before a concerns arises rather than reactive to an event.

By: Pia

Pia — Tue, 20 Oct 2020 05:31:36 +0000

In reply to Kelly.

Hi Janet, may I ask you for your suggestion.. I’ve two sons- 5 and 1.8 years. They are great friends but my elder son has the habit of having fun by holding toys high up in front of the baby and tell him that he can’t have it. This happens very frequently and most of the time, the younger one is crying helplessly trying to chase his elder brother in vain. And the elder one laughs out loud and enjoys during this time. I’ve tried everything, from interfering to not interfering at all.. But nothing is helping to make the situation better.. I don’t feel good to see my younger one frequently angry, provoked and helplessly crying over this. I think I need to make my elder son conscious about his brother’s feelings by talking about it during his special time with me, which I’ve started trying now.. But I’m not sure if I’m on the right track and if there are more effective ways to deal with this. Thank you for your wonderful article and for your reply in advance..

By: Nicky

Nicky — Mon, 07 Sep 2020 01:26:21 +0000

In reply to Kellie. I am also curious about this... not particularly in school but let’s say play dates with other children.

By: julie constable

julie constable — Sun, 26 Jul 2020 10:23:34 +0000

Hi there, this is a great article and really helps, but what should I do if the kids get physical? We always have the same issue. My son 9 is extremely sweet and a great older brother to my 5 year old. Whenever we have a party and it’s her turn and she receives a lot of attention and gifts at some point he will (still even at 9) go and find the toy he knows she love the most and take it from her, she screams and chases him to get it back and this will turn into a wrestling match. I have to pull them apart! And it’s very difficult A) not to feel triggered and B to calm the whole situation down. I can’t ignore and walk away from the wrestling as they are both getting older and quite strong. What can I say! Or do? It’s like they can’t even hear me. In the end tonight I had to try to separate them which was really hard but when things minimally calmed I tried to name feelings like I understand you may be feeling jealous and eventually that helped and they worked things out. How do I stop it from getting to that point?