Comments on: What Children Know (And Might Hurt Them)

By: Melinda

Melinda — Fri, 09 Jun 2023 15:27:16 +0000

My grandson hits his mother,throws his plate and screams when he doesn’t get his way. He is turning 4 next month. But basically a sweet little boy
His mom says he is just frustrated. Makes me sad. He’s an only child. please help! He’s very smart. Has a little speech problem but going to speech therapy for a year. HELP!!

By: Suzannah

Suzannah — Thu, 01 Dec 2016 01:07:42 +0000

Thanks so much for this post. I struggle with this so much, and am definitely guilty of thinking I’m doing a great job of hiding my anxieties, about my son’s development. My son is incredible – smart, inquisitive, playful, tender. And at 26 months, he’s not saying much. He has about 25 words and some signs. He communicates very effectively despite his lack of actual “words”. At my mother’s insistence, we took him for a speech evaluation a few months ago, which left us with a diagnosis of a mild expressive language delay. As a speech therapist myself, it’s been really hard to navigate this situation. He is now receiving speech therapy once a week in our home, and I dread it so much every week. It really revs up my anxiety and makes me feel like an utter failure, as what I hear and see the speech therapist doing are all of the things that I try to do with him day in and day out. I feel like I am walking this impossible line between trusting his development and getting him the care that he needs if in fact there is something wrong. It’s exhausting and really takes a toll on me. Any insight you could offer me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.

By: Emma

Emma — Thu, 01 Dec 2016 00:31:51 +0000

In reply to Claire.

Can I just say. You sound like such an awesome parent and your child sounds so awesome. I know that a lot of parents would freak out but you’re here, so you know to just let him play and explore his idenity. I think it’s kind of crazy that more children aren’t encouraged to, but people are scared. So much of gender is performative anyway but my own parents say things like “don’t scream like a girl” or “ooh pink’s a girls colour” to my kid and don’t understand why that’s wrong. If my kid grew up to be femme, I would be behind him 100% and make sure he has the strongest ever support system. Too many kids are bullied about this and it can have devastating results.

By: janet

janet — Fri, 03 Jun 2016 14:54:51 +0000

In reply to Adie. My pleasure, Adie. Thank you for sharing with me!

By: janet

janet — Fri, 03 Jun 2016 14:53:34 +0000

In reply to Samantha. Hi Samantha - Unfortunately, we can't "get children to see this will be an amazing experience", or get them to see anything else the way we see it. Instead, we must trust them to have the ups and downs of their OWN experience. I would work on being the person that will listen to your daughter's homesickness without trying to talk her out of it or change it or judge it in any way. These are her feelings and part of her path. TRUST is an incredible challenge, I know.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Fri, 15 Apr 2016 19:53:36 +0000

In reply to Joel. I wanted to add that the child is expressing a thought, not a feeling. It might be worth exploring what feelings are prompting that thought. It could be that he feels fear and his thought is to self-soothe by taking that action.

By: Adie

Adie — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 03:58:40 +0000

I love it! Living in fear can really steal away the joy of life. There is something so amazing that happens when I just accept my little one for exactly who he is. I love the suggestions for completely free play. My days with him used to be a chore filled with a constant question of what am I going to entertain him with next? Now my days are such a pleasure together. He sits for 15 minutes just turning pages back and forth or flipping the same book over and over. I love to watch him discover things organically. It really makes me treasure our days together. Thanks again for making this information so accessible!

By: Samantha

Samantha — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 21:46:41 +0000

Hi Janet. My children are older, 12, 10, 9. I wish had this information when my children were younger, I can see very clearly why we had the number of issues we did and still do. However, my question now is, my 12 yr old has just started boarding school and is very homesick. Loves day school hates boarding. We perceive this to be because she now has to conform to their rules & routines and is told what to do all of the time where when she was with us there was more flexibility and more often than not we just gave in. How can we help her and stop the ‘I want to come home’ and tears and get her to see this will be an amazing experience for her if she just gives it a chance?

By: Andrea

Andrea — Wed, 20 Jan 2016 22:27:28 +0000

In reply to Andrea. I forgot to say that she is 28 months

By: Andrea

Andrea — Wed, 20 Jan 2016 22:25:34 +0000

Hi Janet! My daughter and I are in a super sticky cycle right now. I am overstretched and lacking in self care, and she is incredibly clingy and emotional. Her Dad (who doesn’t live with us but we see frequently) just left the country for a few months, and she is really feeling this. I am finding myself irritated often, reacting in ways that are out of line with my Mama desires, and verbally asking her for space as she is constantly attached to me in some way (which makes it worse of course). Reading that it is a simple shift in the way I feel internally doesn’t seem like enough right now. Is it?! Your insight would be incredible. <3