Kim your comment about your daughter laughing really connected for me – my son used to do this too. It was infuriating – “THIS IS NOT AT ALL FUNNY!!!”

I realised eventually that he didn’t think anything was funny. It was an anxious, out of control laugh. You know how some people giggle when they are nervous? My kiddo would do that when he was feeling stressed out by his own behaviour, or by not knowing how we would respond to it.

I don’t know if that sounds right for your situation or not, but I just thought I’d share, in case it helps. It helped me to step back a little and realise he wasn’t having fun, he was lost in energy that was too big for him to know what to do with.

Hi Janet! I am so grateful for your work, it has been so helpful for me and my family Our extremely smart and strong-willed (and physically strong) daughter has been more than a handful lately. I feel pretty confident handling the meltdowns, but the defiant behavior has been extremely difficult. Our “time-in” strategy is to have my husband physically hold my daughter when she won’t stop a certain behavior that needs to physically be stopped. It’s also very difficult for me to stop her physically from doing something because I’m rather small and she’s an incredibly strong 4 year old. My husband and I will ask her calmly to stop a behavior (i.e. please stop touching your sister, please give your sister back her toy, please sit while you are eating, etc.). It’s almost like she never hears what we are saying. She’ll literally start laughing which definitely sets off my husband. If I try to stop her physically from doing something (pulling her away from something for example), I feel like I’m going to break my back lol. She has such a big heart despite her intense personality. My husband and I joke that she got both of our most difficult traits lol. I could really use some guidance with our strong-willed girl. Thank you so much ❤️

I am having same issues with my 3.5 yo. All of the sudden he started using phrase I am going to hit you as his response to everything. Yesterday I put him to nap as usual . I usually lay down with him till he falls asleep . He was wired and did not sleep but hit scratched and bit me . I was trying to block him. My neck is all scratched up . I find this behavior the most difficult to stay calm around .

Thanks for all your guidance and help. My 3 year old is a strong willed child and once he is back from daycare, he tries to find out something on which he can have a meltdown. For example – he will ask for candy and I will give it to him, then he will ask for ice-cream and will somehow find something which is not available and then a full blown meltdown starts.

I am having tough time to handle it on daily basis. I know he enjoys his daycare but knowing him, I am sure he is not able to do what he wants there while he can have his way at home (which I take as a good sign).

Can you guide how to manage these situations on daily basis. I really feel like a failure now.

Hi Robert – Thank you for asking. My advice is based on psychology, child development, scientific research and extensive observational studies. I am a Christian as well.

We were on the elevator to get our kids at 12:30p. I had just learned about the after school meltdowns somewhere on this site and exclaimed, “It’s because they love and trust us!!! They can finally just let it go!!!! That’s our opportunity to empathize and just let them get it out and we are there to just be there for them!!!!”

K. She is an extremely reserved woman, I have learned, and I sent that turtle back into her shell! But, maybe she heard me or heard me mentioning Janet Lansbury, or just heard, Don’t worry, it’s all cool.

Anyway, I didn’t flip or rush or worry that my daughter was taking each stair on her toosh with a scowl on her face. The meltdowns have ended, since I haven’t reacted to them. I would be a mess, no lie, had I not learned here that the bottled energy needed to get out with a safe person.

I have learned to pay extremely close attention to her energy to see if she is too hyped up, even just the littlest bit, because it always means something happened at school that she will eventually need to talk about. I actually am relieved when she needs a boundary so she can wail again and we can work it out before bedtime, or by bedtime, but not at lights out … that’s my parenting study time, or I am just exhausted and want to vedge.

Hmmm. I will think about this. Thanks for your reply.