Hi Janet! Thanks for following up on this.

For several years I was quite relaxed about the behaviour and would answer questions myself. The last year or so I definitely feel more anxious in the moment — I feel very aware that she isn’t responding like other kids do, and worried that she ‘should’ be able to speak to other kids and adults by now. My concerns are not about politeness or social etiquette but more about her own confidence and trust in herself. I want her to feel confident and to trust that she is capable of social interaction even if it makes her nervous. I think I’m worried that if I simply let it go, it may become a problem for her down the road.

I do try to wait it out and give her the time/space to make eye contact or respond, and when she doesn’t I’ll often repeat the person’s question gently to her or encourage her to somehow use her body to respond (wave, thumbs up, etc). But she’s very aware and perceptive and I’m sure she’s probably picking up on the fact that I wish she was able to do something differently in those moments.

Hi Jess! Can you share a bit more about how you have been responding to this behavior, what you feel in the moment, etc?

You could have been describing my daughter! So gregarious, lovely, chatty and charming at home or with trusted family/friends… but she turns away from most other kids or adults she doesn’t know when we’re out. It’s really hard not to feel like you have to explain it when people ask her a question and she doesn’t respond… I’m right there with you! How old is your daughter, out of curiosity? I didn’t really feel worried by this behaviour for years, but now that she’s almost 6, I have started to consistently try to encourage her to respond sometimes, even non verbally.

I’m curious Janet, does your advice about responding ourselves and letting it go otherwise apply to older kids too?

I however feel trapped when people talk to him while he’s in my arms and he stares at them in silence or looks down at my chest. for some reason they dont seem to realise he does not feel like talking to them and I know I shouldn’t say “he’s shy” but I feel the need to fill the void otherwise we both end up looking at this person in silence which I feel is a bit weird.

could I answer for him? it seems unrespectful too.

is there a better way to help him through this interaction without putting adjectives on him.that he does not deserve and without making the moment become awkward?

Thank you so much for this Janet
I have an 11 year old boy who wears his heart on his sleeve, he gets offended by really small stuff, he gives me a hug whenever he enters a room – l used to think he was weak because I was a single mum and couldn’t bring out his masculine side but l prayed about it and l have really learnt to love and appreciate him

Hi Heidi,
Thank you for sharing, l have an 11 year old boy who is sensitive and wears his sweet heart on his sleeve,he gives me a hug whenever he finds me in a room, he gets offended by small stuff. I used to think he was “weak” bse l was a single mom and didn’t know how to bring out the masculine side of him but l prayed about it and l thank God that l have learnt to accept him and to love him and to appreciate him.

At the same time, sometimes neighbors approach us to talk to *me*. I really enjoy those brief social interactions but my son screams BYE BYE BYE BYE until they/we leave. I’ve been trying to tell him that he doesn’t have to talk to anyone he doesn’t want to, but sometimes I do want to say hi to friends. Not sure how to walk this line.