Comments on: My Toddler’s A Little Rough With The Baby https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/ elevating child care Mon, 25 Mar 2024 22:35:25 +0000 hourly 1 By: janet https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-133198 Mon, 25 Mar 2024 22:35:25 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-133198 In reply to James.

I’m thinking that you are spot on, James: “our oldest is just jealous of having to now share toys, space, time, and attention.” And what children often need to help change their behavior is a lot of “safe” space to vent those feelings to us. Safe, meaning we welcome them to share, empathize as much as possible, don’t judge. I recommend encouraging the sharing in safe ways, even if that means she yells, screams or cries toward you, and opening up conversations but letting her know that you see her and feel for her, you acknowledge it’s so hard to be in the position and everything she’s feeling is normal and expected.

]]> By: James https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-133197 Sun, 24 Mar 2024 02:49:04 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-133197 In reply to Ashley.

We’re having the exact same issue with our 3-year old and 1-year old, word for word. You can try all the talking and coaching and calmness, but after about 10 hours of it and she ends up being too mean to the 1-year old, the dam breaks and the 3-year old is in big trouble now. We’re patient with our 3-year old all day. I think our oldest is just jealous of having to now share toys, space, time, and attention.

]]> By: janet https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-132562 Wed, 22 Feb 2023 20:27:49 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-132562 In reply to Oriana.

Thank you, Oriana. If the parent senses there’s more going on than the typical adjustment to what for most children is a highly stressful transition, then absolutely they should get an assessment from a specialist. You might start by checking into some of the online assessments for distinguishing signs of neurodivergence: https://nationalautismassociation.org/resources/signs-of-autism/

]]> By: Oriana https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-132561 Wed, 22 Feb 2023 09:07:44 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-132561 Hi Janet,
I’ve appreciated how much you normalize challenges in young children and seem to constantly seek to understand them in context of what else is going in the child’s life. I’m wondering however, what would be clues/signs to you that behaviours (eg aggressive physical behaviours – hitting, throwing, etc. – in a 4 year old towards siblings/parents), fall outside of what may be expected or understood for a child of a certain age or going through a stressful situation. In other words, what would be clues or signs that there is a challenge going on that may requires a different kind of intervention or evaluation (eg adhd, autism)? I’ve been working under the idea that challenging behaviours persist for my child because of our (parents’) responses or because of the child struggling with impulse control as many 3/4 year olds do and will gain more skills with time and maturity, but what if they are persisting because of some other factor? How would I know?

]]> By: Amelia R https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-131102 Wed, 19 Jan 2022 19:08:46 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-131102 In reply to Felicia.

I would love an answer here too — I’m sure this is close to the experience of MANY readers.

]]> By: Erin https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-131050 Thu, 06 Jan 2022 19:49:59 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-131050 In reply to janet.

I agree…tone and intention matter greatly. Children need assertiveness (I’m going to stop you right now) without aggression (where tone and intention come into play the most!).

]]> By: Felicia https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-130690 Sat, 18 Sep 2021 03:12:03 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-130690 In reply to Ashley.

I wish Janet would answer this! Please!

]]> By: Ashe Humphries https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-130633 Mon, 30 Aug 2021 11:02:59 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-130633 Hi Janet,
My 15mo behaves like this with our cat. I worry because the cat will react and take a swipe at my son, and I worry the cat will get hurt.

Like the listener described above, I encouraged interacting from an early age as I’d hoped it would foster a good relationship between them.

And, I feel I have approached the situation as you advise above. It works to a point. However, my son will not tolerate me holding his hand to slow down his patting, instead he snatches his hand away and moves on. But when I move on, he comes back and we start again. My cat doesn’t help the situation, so I’ve resorted to keeping them separate as much as possible, or at least when I can provide my full attention.

Any extras tips for this situation?

]]> By: Ashley https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-129449 Thu, 27 Aug 2020 06:14:33 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-129449 Hi Janet,
I’m in a similar situation with my kids. My 4 year old daughter is extremely rough with my 10 month old son. She’s not a toddler and there’s nothing upsetting our life right now (not even the pandemic has changed much in our day-to-day life). She does the typical pushing, taking away toys, and over reacting when he’s too close to her things but she also grabs on to him and won’t let go, even though he’s clearly distressed and trying to get away. She gets in his face and yells. She also is constantly just in his space and rough housing him. I’ve always been a pretty calm person but like the mom above, I have a short fuse when it comes to hurting the baby. I will tell her stop, that he needs space, and I point out the nonverbal cues he’s giving (I’m terrible at sportscasting but I try). She doesn’t listen at all. I say “that’s not safe” all day long but I always have to step in and physically remove her. Then she immediately starts it back up again and becomes extremely aggressive towards everyone until I remove her from the room (which I can’t do if my husband isn’t around to watch the baby). I can’t take my eyes off them for a second and there’s no way to keep them separated in my tiny house. Sometimes it feels like she has some unmet sensory need and this is how she’s meeting it. Suggestions?

]]> By: Sophie https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/08/my-toddlers-a-little-rough-with-the-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-126717 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 19:33:52 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=17831#comment-126717 Hi Janet,

I am searching for some wisdom on how to deal with a younger baby who is being rough with his older sibling. Some of this podcast is helpful but obviously not all relevant. I have a nearly 3 year old daughter and a 15 month old son. They love to rag together but my son is quite rough and likes to jump on her which sometimes hurts her. I have encouraged her to tell him’ ouch, that hurts’, but she usually just goes very quiet (or cries quietly) as is a very gentle soul herself.

At 15 months, he speech is very basic but he can understand a lot. How can I guide him to be more gentle to his adoring sister?

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