Children can have other things going on that we aren’t aware of- a stomach ache, a headache, or maybe a child’s appearance reminds them of ANOTHER child that hurt them in the past, or maybe they just dont feel open, but instead feel pushed by their parent…there are so many reasons that dont include ‘hatred’ or ‘disrespect’ here. It’s our ability to allow them that- there own reasons= our ability to be open and to trust that they have good reasons- that requires us to honestly trust them. Now, if we find out that our child is being a hateful child and actually hates the other child, then we can look into that. You see that all of these things you would never know just by using your own mind. So trying to force the child to ‘play nice’ is just going to teach the child to suck it up and not trust the ADULT!!- which is not the message you want to give.

I agree with your goal, but we have to understand how children get to that goal, and how we as parents get in their way. I’m wondering what you think the dad should have done to correct his daughter’s statement? Further scolded her? Forced her to apologize?

Children tend to be the most open, accepting people on the planet, but when an impatient parent pushes and judges their hesitation and then puts them on the spot, children tend to clam up, close off, push back. Just like all of us, children are at their best when they feel most unconditionally loved, trusted and accepted.

Shaming children into better behavior backfires.