Comments on: 4 Reasons We Should Let Kids Be Sore Losers

By: Luke

Luke — Mon, 24 Jan 2022 04:38:17 +0000

In reply to janet. I think that this is indeed a symptom of something else but not necessarily related to the child as such. I believe it is an over competition by the parent in many cases. It appears to me that this behavior stems from the parents attempts to avoid disappointment in relation to the child in response to their own issues around it when they were growing up. Every time I have seen this in children, there are other similar things happening. For instance, one child would literally have 2 birthdays a year because he was spared the disappointment of having to watch his brother open his birthday presents on his actual birthday. Also, over praising seems to be a common theme( your the smartest, fastest boy in the world) can only lead to disappointment later. Also, let’s not discount the chance of some learning difficulties here.

By: Luke

Luke — Mon, 24 Jan 2022 04:23:36 +0000

In reply to jamie. So what do you do when your kid is literally attacking the other players if they score and crying uncontrollably, shouting at teachers who attempt to comfort him? Surely this behavior cannot be enabled and what about the right of the other kids who just want to play the game? When do you just pull them out if it’s overwhelming for them

By: Daniel

Daniel — Mon, 13 Sep 2021 02:51:25 +0000

I agree with this to an extent. At what age though do you decide, this is not ok, my kid’s being a jerk and I need to call them on it?

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 13:42:20 +0000

In reply to janet. Uh oh I’ve been saying to my 7 year old ‘come on ‘bounce back’, let’s go’ ‘you’ll be right’ etc What words should I be using to acknowledge her when upset? Can I just leave her to feel it out herself or do I have to actually acknowledge her verbally? Thankyou so much

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 17 Oct 2019 06:24:14 +0000

In reply to Erin. I like this! Awesome

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 17 Oct 2019 06:22:57 +0000

Thank you for this article! I wonder if you can help me out a bit more specifically. My oldest son (7) reacts really strongly to losing. An example is tonight he was at a Jr Forest Wardens meeting with my husband and one part of it the group was playing games. Apparently one of the games he refused to do and the other one, when he lost at rock-paper-scissors he had a huge meltdown. He won’t participate in most group activities whether its at school or at home. Even basic ones like “tag”. He says he doesn’t like to lose so he avoids everything . He refuses to participate in any organized sport or training even if the activity interests him. I haven’t pushed him but sometimes I wonder if I should do more considering the reality of life that we some times have to do things that we don’t necessarily love and that challenges can make us stronger and more resilient. I don’t feel we are strongly competitive usually as we try to focus on having fun but it always feels like he will go out of his way to distance himself and do his own thing rather than join in with us. It feels like part of it is due to his personality and he is stronger intellectually so often people like that don’t do as well in social scenarios which I can appreciate. I guess I just feel unsure of how to address this and move forward in a supportive way. Thanks for all you do! I hope I hear back from you!

By: Jennie

Jennie — Thu, 07 Feb 2019 05:09:03 +0000

In reply to Diana. I was wondering something similar...if there is a public outburst or tantrum, how to (or weather to) lovingly remove her from the situation so she’s “not that guy” but also letting her know we don’t have a problem with what she’s feeling and she has every right to feel upset/frustrated/whatever. So if the child is in a group activity and melts down at losing and is disrupting the activity, how to remove her without making her feel punished or banished or like her reaction is unacceptable so she had to leave.

By: Erin

Erin — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 02:12:47 +0000

Another approach we always use when it comes to competition is beforehand asking him what he wants to work on. He chooses what it is. And when it’s over, win or lose, we only talk about the goal he had for himself. Ie: “Do you feel like you supported your teammates when they were running toward the goal? I noticed you working really hard at that.” It’s really been effective. We are two seasons in with soccer and our son hasn’t cried once when he missed a goal, the other team scored or they lost (we don’t really keep score.)

By: janet

janet — Wed, 18 Jul 2018 20:51:46 +0000

In reply to Ruthie. Hi Ruthie! Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm so happy to connect with you. And thanks also for your kind words of support. I'm a quinquagenarian as well and still learning every single day from the children and parents I work with.

By: Ruthie

Ruthie — Wed, 18 Jul 2018 17:57:55 +0000

I don’t know how I stumbled onto this article, but THANK YOU! I am a child care provider. Current family is highly competitive – dad was an Olympian & mum is a successful lawyer. The children are pushed to their limits and beyond at times. Yesterday, I heard the younger child fretting as they were playing a game & when I asked what was happening, the older replied, “he’s a sore loser”. While I talked to him about how he was feeling and allowed him the space to carry those feelings ‘through, this article helps me to fully understand the dynamic; and to have something more than my opinion to share with the parents.

I belong to a RIE FB group out of interest in serving my clients (the little ones mostly) better & of course, your name comes up often. This is the first piece of your writing I’ve read and I can see why you have so many fans. Thanks, again, from a quinquagenarian who is never too old to learn.