Comments on: When Your Child Seems Stuck Seeking Negative Attention

By: Kay

Kay — Tue, 05 Dec 2023 15:44:09 +0000

We have a 6 year old boy who is constantly causing and seeking negativity. For example we are having a nice day and when dinner comes and we make something he doesn’t like he will go on and on about how bad it is and we ruined his day. Or we will go out and do a fun thing then get home and he will say he’s sooo bored and need something to do the minute we get in the door. He will also try and convince his sister who’s three to go along with him. He can find something to complain about no matter the situation and it brings the mood of our whole family down. What can we do to help him and us?

By: Moon

Moon — Tue, 14 Mar 2023 08:52:14 +0000

Hi Janet, your post appeared on my timeline at just the right time. I have a 2.5 year old and a 2 month old. My toddler is aggressive with me whenever I’m nursing the baby, as he knows I can’t really do much about it unless I put the baby down. I know his goal is to get my attention when I’m feeding the baby – he does other behaviours as well where I usually physically remove him/the object, such as walking along the back of the couch or throwing me with toys. I’m finding it hard to keep my cool as talking doesn’t work much – generally things go well when I can talk about his feelings PLUS physically redirect, which is harder when I can’t move with the baby. He doesn’t seem angry – all the aggression is all done as if he’s playing with me. How do I approach this? A lot of your other suggestions have helped so much as he’s always been a sensitive, highly reactive toddler. Not to mention he is a bit delayed in expressive speech (but has improved so much). Now with the new addition, he can’t help himself. Note: he definitely gets one on one time everyday with myself and also with my SO when he gets home from work.

By: Annie

Annie — Tue, 02 Aug 2022 20:08:11 +0000

In reply to karen. What about negative behaviors from my 6 year old son through back talk like mocking others in wing song voice and announcing loudly in a look at me kind of way choices he knows aren’t safe/allowed. He’s clearly looking for attention and limits but I feel like I’m just nagging him all the time to stop.

By: Elise

Elise — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 16:20:37 +0000

In reply to Marian. These posts are great but so often are about toddlers. What about the 11 year old that despite so much love and daily attention is constantly stirring up trouble with siblings and repeating annoying behaviour even when kindly and repeatedly asked to stop. I have parented in the way described above, but honestly I am at a loss sometimes and really disappointed to realise that even in with the best of intentions and constant efforts, older kids can really derail family time and sour everyone’s mood. It’s difficult not to resent the behaviour of an older, more aware child as well. Any advice for those of us still parenting after toddlerhood?

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 16:34:40 +0000

What about when the attention seeking behavior is annoying but not necessarily wrong/hurtful and she is asking for reasonable things but just too much of them? For example my daughter will whine and cry for me to hold her, to take a nap, to snuggle with “boobies”, get her food, for me to play with her. But then when I give her those things I get the feeling she didn’t really need them. She refuses the nap, changes the subject, won’t eat. If I say no, it escalates into crying hard and being truly upset. It seems like sometimes she is looking for me to say no so she can get the emotional release and have a boundary. But how do I know how much of that type of attention she really needs vs when to set a boundary?

By: Helen

Helen — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 08:01:00 +0000

Hi Janet,

Thank you for this helpful article – it really resonated with me.

Any advice for when physically blocking isn’t possible, e.g. when breastfeeding a baby? Constantly unlatching and relatching a new baby who is still figuring out feeding doesn’t seem like the right choice, but neither does allowing my toddler to behave in ways that are unsafe for him, for others or for our belongings. Really struggling with this!

Thanks,

Helen

By: janet

janet — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 16:29:02 +0000

In reply to Kathy.

Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for your support. I’m not sure I understand the situation or your relationship to this girl. If possible, I would gently connect with her one-on-one and let her know that you love her sense of humor, but you’re wondering if there is sadness behind the “poop eater” image. Then leave a lot of quiet open space for her to share. It’s hard for me to say more without knowing more, and I freely admit I’m no specialist in teenage behavior. If she seems depressed to you, I’d reach out to her parents so that they can get her the help she needs. It’s a serious issue.

By: Kathy

Kathy — Fri, 13 Aug 2021 03:44:41 +0000

In reply to janet. Hi Janet, I follow your posts enthusiastically for the young children I work with and lately have found myself applying them to a very depressed 13 year old girl. She has begun naming herself “Poop Eater” in our online group of teens and regressing to very much of drawings and talk that reminds me of the potty mouth stage I have previously observed on some little boys. Do you have perspective on this? I am at a loss!!!

By: Erin

Erin — Tue, 23 Mar 2021 22:57:21 +0000

What do you suggest when you were unable to intervene in time and the aggressive behaviour played out? Ie child smacked a sibling or friend before you could stop them? I had an incident a couple weeks back when my 2yo charged into a friend and pushed her really hard (it wasn’t done in anger but none the less it was far too rough.) I rushed to her and picked her up as he was winding up to do it again and she was sobbing. It seemed more important to comfort and protect her than to block him in that moment but the result was by the time she was calmed a bit, he had moved on. I spoke with him and said that was too rough, that I understood he was excited and playing but that he needs to make sure he plays safely. I don’t think a single word sunk in. He’s only 27mo and while he’s quite verbally skilled the whole concept seemed a bit too abstract/complex. I can’t always be right there and sometimes the kids can be so quick to escalate, (3x 2yo in a small space… sometimes it gets… animated lol) it seems no matter how I try moments like this are inevitable. So I just move on and try to do better next time? It feels wrong not to ‘punish’ that behaviour, but also feels wrong to ‘punish’ for behaviour that is totally natural. Any help would be appreciated.

By: Ty price

Ty price — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 04:30:43 +0000

How do you deal with this type of behavior when it us driven by an audience? My son only seems to put on when we are around others.