Comments on: Dad Feels Undermined and Defeated by Partner’s Lack of Limits https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/08/dad-feels-undermined-and-defeated-by-partners-lack-of-limits/ elevating child care Tue, 22 Nov 2022 18:58:53 +0000 hourly 1 By: Guitarmaned https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/08/dad-feels-undermined-and-defeated-by-partners-lack-of-limits/comment-page-1/#comment-130247 Sun, 09 May 2021 05:30:52 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=18990#comment-130247 Good luck if you are a dad with a teen daughter and a wife that has basically formed a team against you. I have talked till I am blue in the face with my wife about being on the same page. Talking doesn’t do squat. It has turned our daughter into a disrespectful(to me) entitled brat. It’s not her fault. It’s ours and specifically my wife’s. I love my daughter and want the best for her.
It has affected the way I feel about my wife. She doesn’t have any respect for me so naturally my daughter doesn’t either.
I am just done. I don’t have the energy to start over and it’s cheaper to stay married.
I really work on not being resentful to my daughter.
Sad and depressed in Virginia

]]> By: Rachael https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/08/dad-feels-undermined-and-defeated-by-partners-lack-of-limits/comment-page-1/#comment-126529 Tue, 28 Aug 2018 20:52:38 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=18990#comment-126529 In reply to Vicki Burgess.

Beautiful.

]]> By: Vicki Burgess https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/08/dad-feels-undermined-and-defeated-by-partners-lack-of-limits/comment-page-1/#comment-126471 Tue, 14 Aug 2018 06:37:18 +0000 http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=18990#comment-126471 I was a working single mom. As one it is easy to get into that trap of not wanting to be the bad guy. Well I was the only one so I could not allow guilt or any other feeling lead or get in the way; Otherwise, I would have completely ruined my children. I learned to avoid going overboard bt reading ten books one night but too tired to do that again. Avoid setting a habit or precedence you cannot keep up. Children are resilient and will do fine with an excellent caregiver. They can even get through a war. And then think of tge stringent rules for that. I can hear the cries and defiance now over wanting to do things that during wartime would be unsafe and then you have to back up the rules. I don’t think it is fair to be the “fun” parent, leaving dad to be the enforcer. When tge children get older they need a united front especially for those teen years. My daughter said the other day that she wanted me to take her eldest to an event because she knew I would make sure not to just drop her off & leave. She knows me and knew I’d sit to watch and make sure her child connected with those she was meeting to go out of town with. My daughter was the teen that tested me the most. Instead of being home enjoying my new husband, I was out on the night she was out looking for her as soon as I found out ahe wasn’t where she should be. I have that reputation with my kids that I follow up. That’s what a parent needs, I think. I identified with the mom too because after being away from children and giving the best energy away to others, I felt awful. But I got a new perspective and once I did, I felt better and my home ran smoother. The parent is the leader. Sets the mood of the entire household. Come in cheerful and they usually return that. Come in cranky and no one has a good evening. So it is all based on the leader. Leaders lead. We can follow tge child’s interest by listening to them talk about what they lije, want more of, etc. Then set up their play area with the items for them. That is one way to please them and have fun observing them. When I observe my little children, I have sticky notes in my pocket to write down ideas I get from them. Things like, he wants to paint…likes tractors. Baby wants to climb. So that is how I follow my littles and make them happier. Mom let the 2 1/2 yr. Use dad’s tablet to view cartoons when potty training. Now it became his favorite pastime. He wants to look at it during meals. He rejects my offer to read books. I refuse to let any electronics at the table. In my home they are not allowed during dinner. I make a point that all guests leave them on the counter. So now I asked the 13 yr. Old to help support this by avoiding bringing her phone to table. She is a busy girl and her mom lets her use it while she eats. Toddlers should be active. They need exercise so that’s what I tell him. It has been a battle and he calls for his mom as if he needs rescued from me. He will get it if I stick with it. She also gives him candy. So that’s what he wants when I ask what he wants for meals. There too I stand firm. Like my own mom, I gave treats out sparingly. Less sugar the better. His behavior worsens on that junk. So he will tell me to go home. He will call me monster grandma. It is his way of conveying how disappointed he is to not get the tablet or candy. I know it won’t last because I give him genuine attention. I sit with him when he cries. I build things with blocks he can knock over, and he knows he can trust me. I told him today, go ahead and go, I will save your ice hammer for you. We played Don’t Break the Ice. He was concerned his baby sis woukd get it. I promised it will wait right here with me for him. Soon as he returned, I gave it to him. I can see the thoughts in his head by his expression. This little boy who calls me monster grandma leaps into my arms to hug me tight. I am no longer afraid to stand up for the rules.

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