Perhaps if a child is looking for that validation and you can’t be genuine to give that validation in that moment, wouldn’t it be better to say I can’t or don’t want to give you that validation right now. Keep the authenticity in the relationship even if it’s not full of praise.

I like your response. However as a parent, grandparent and retired teacher of exceptional children, I would add that the current climate of social media seems to be escalating our children’s need for social approval, even for our adult children. I do think there are appropriate times for the response to be, “what do you think?” Follow that with reinforcing comments when they do express an internal locus of evaluation. Our adult daughter has come through some trying times recently, and we try to”catch her” in her strength and value her intuition. Thanks for the podcast.

Similar to this, how do you recommend we respond to our children’s comments throughout the day, when they are asking us to look at the latest bug they found, telling us about the colors they used in their artwork, or telling us they finished all their vegetables, etc? I typically will say, “aha, very cool”, “oh you did” or some other positive affirmation, after giving them my full attention. It has always been important to me that I acknowledge not only what my children say, but, what anyone says to me. My question is, does this turn into a “too much praise” issue where they then expect praise and adult acknowledgment for everything? Am I encouraging it too much? Or is this a normal kid phase that will pass and I can continue to acknowledge positively to their questions, statements, etc?

The fact that these requests are pushing your buttons is the problem, similar to the “4th reason” I shared for the parent in the podcast, who seemed to indicate that she was a bit thrown and unsettled by the requests. When we give these kinds of behaviors the power to bug us, we risk creating an interesting test that our child is then compelled to repeat. Does it bother you because you feel you must respond every single time? You don’t. I would say something like, “Ah, missed it, sorry!” Or “Aha, very cool” when you do respond, but you can also let some of the demands go unanswered. The most important thing is not to let this push your buttons. Again, the first step to getting over this might be to explore why these requests are such an annoyance to you.

The fact that these requests are pushing your buttons is the problem, similar to what I shared for the parent in the podcast, who expressed that she was unsettled by the requests. When we give behaviors the power to bug us, we risk creating an interesting test that our child is compelled to repeat. Does it bother you because you feel you must respond every single time? You don’t. I would say something like, “Ah, missed it, sorry!” Or “Aha, very cool” when you do respond, but you can also let some of the demands go unanswered. The most important thing is not to let this push your buttons. Again, the first step to getting over this might be to explore why these requests are such an annoyance to you.

Thank you.