That’s challenging, Jen. Here’s another post I’ve shared with my thoughts for you. I hope it helps: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2016/07/confident-momentum-how-to-stop-battling-your-toddlers-resistance-and-defiance/

“Confident momentum is decisive and prevents power struggles from taking hold. Fueled by confidence, we won’t need as much physical strength as we do when we unwittingly create a stand-off by being tentative or asking more than once (and then getting angry or annoyed). Our momentum is even more important if we have personal physical issues or very strong children. I recently did a home consultation with a single parent whose back issues had made her afraid to set limits and be decisive with her toddler. I was able to demonstrate confident momentum for her, showing her how, with a fearless, focused attitude, she could guide him by simply placing her hands on his shoulders. Within a day or two, her boy went from resisting every step of his bedtime routine to rarely resisting at all. He could relax into her leadership and was getting the nurturing he needed.”

I might have a solution for this. My daughter is now closer to 4 but about a year ago I faced the same problem. On occasion simple questions didn’t receive any answers, just silence, even when I gave options ‘yes or no?’. I found it very frustrating. But then I realised the reason behind the silence was that what she was feeling in response the question was neither ‘yes’ nor ‘no’ but somewhere in between, and she had no idea how to express that.

So I taught her, “If I ask you a question and you don’t know what to say, you can say ‘I don’t know'”. Once I taught her that expression – and it’s not intuitive, it’s an idiom that has to be learned according to each language, and children don’t understand the whole concept of ‘knowing’ without being taught about it – she was able to use it and has never again been silent in response to a question.

These idiomatic expressions come so naturally to us that we don’t even think about it, but to children who are still learning language, they are quite foreign and it’s necessary we teach them the expressions explicitly and how to use them correctly in context.

Sounds like you need help. Use what energy you have left to find it. Public services, social services, there are many charities with professionals that help parents and families in your situation. In our area a very respected organization is: https://littlesistersfamily.org/ founded by Pfizer. I would think if you get in touch with them, they might know of a organization in your area that offers help. You certainly have your hands full with hyperactivity being involved. Wish you the best,

Sounds like you need some real counseling, not Google. The yelling and “popping” of the butt is only going to escalate and continue to damage your relationship with your child. You need to learn better ways to communicate and you need to get to a doctor and rule out other causes for your child’s behavior. You need professionals, not random people on the internet. Best of luck to you.

I hope you get an answer because I’m having the same issue. I just want a yes or no answer from my son turning 3 in a few days. He knows what yes and no means he knows what I’m asking he just refuses to answer. I don’t know what to do I’m so frustrated. I want the simplist of answers even a nod or a shake of the head but I get nothing or he talks over me about something else like I never said a word.

This was what I was hoping to read advice about. I have two daughters, 4 and 3. They often ignore me when they are focused, which is understandable. If it’s something urgent I’ll go over to them and touch their shoulder or something to get the answer (eg, would you like toast or porridge for breakfast?). If they are ignoring me because they don’t want to stop what they are doing i give a limit (eg: one more turn down the slide and then we are going inside).
The ignoring I’m struggling with is when, for example she crawls into my bed at night, we wake up in the morning and I say “good morning, how was your sleep?” And she say nothing back. My partner and I role model saying good morning to each other all the time. I have even coached my daughter on what to say so I honestly don’t think she’s not responding because she doesn’t understand the interaction that should be happening. Other examples of ignoring would be if we are eating dinner snd I ask her what she thinks of dinner. We are very accepting of her even making a disgusted face or saying gross. But we get no response. It’s as though she doesn’t hear us but there is nothing wrong with her hearing.

This is exactly why I read this article as well- my daughter not responding to a simple question because she’s very focused on what she’s playing. I think this really frustrates my husband.

Here’s what usually works for me.
When I have a simple yes/no question like if she’s hungry for a snack or needs to go potty, I’ll go right up to her (like as close as i can get to her line of sight) and say, “Amelia, look at my eyes”. Sometimes I’ll even gently touch her chin to indicate to look up. Then when she looks at my eyes, I can ask and she will answer. And sometimes I need to even specify that it is a yea or no question. For example, “Do you want some grapes? Yes or no?”
And I gotta say, probably 90% of the time that she seemed to be ignoring me was actually just her way of saying “no”. Because then when she actually answers, it’s a “no”.

We only have a two year old, but if they say they don’t want the dinner they’re looking at, they want to go and play, then we tend to believe them. We eat our dinner, then ask “do you want your dinner, or shall Daddy eat it?” Then there’s either a hurried run back to the table and they eat a bit, or, more often, there’s a call back of “Daddy eat it.” And then we do bedtime at the regular time, and if they wake up and say they want dinner now, we remind them that we don’t eat any more after dinner/teeth brushing, but breakfast will be in however-many hours. And then they go back to sleep. No breakfast before half past six, but they sometimes have a double helping of porrage!

Sometimes a kid just isn’t hungry, or needs something else more than food. The odd missed meal isn’t going to hurt them.