Comments on: Concerned About a Child’s Anxiety

By: janet

janet — Fri, 10 Jan 2020 05:01:27 +0000

In reply to Rick Ackerly. Thanks, Rick! And your post is very insightful. Thank you for sharing it.

By: janet

janet — Fri, 10 Jan 2020 04:59:07 +0000

In reply to Amy.

Hi Amy – I’m so sorry you were disappointed by my feedback for this parent and found it unhelpful. Her 4-year-old’s behavior did not sound atypical or alarming to me and she asked what kind of responses I would recommend. If this parent (or any parent) is concerned that their child is chronically anxious, they should consult with a mental health professional. My work is to help parents understand how influential they are in affecting behavior. We all do tend to project our fears (and achilles heels) onto our children. It’s as if our radar is particularly sensitive to those issues. It goes with the territory when we love them so much.

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 03 May 2019 19:23:52 +0000

This was the first podcast I have listened of yours and I was very disappointed in your response. This mother has a concern and you did not give her any information on identifying anxiety in you children. She gave you a single example of what she thought would paint the right picture of her concerns. I am a highly sensitive person (as well as the woman asking the question may be) and am in a very similar situation. I have suffered from anxiety that I’ve been working on since my son was born. I’m not actually a worrier though… I stress over the things that I can’t change and use CBT exercises to keep that stress at bay. However, my 6 year old is very similar to this woman’s daughter as he is always worrying. If he were to ask the same question about getting home and I answered him the way you suggested (just answering it factual), there is no doubt he would follow it up with, “Well what if you forget? What if your phone dies?” He always has follow up questions. But that’s not the only signs. He’s afraid of almost everything, water, heights, his loved ones dying… the list goes on. He also has a zero interest in being independent and now that he’s school aged, we are getting feedback that he’s very uncomfortable participating in class. These are just a few examples. It would sadden me if the woman who wrote in is experiencing something similar but all you basically told her was to stop projecting.

By: janet

janet — Wed, 09 Jan 2019 05:13:17 +0000

In reply to Kristin. Hi Kristin, I am sorry, but it's hard for me to advise without knowing a lot more. Crying sounds like a very healthy thing for her to do. That's how we can release the fear.

By: Kristin

Kristin — Wed, 09 Jan 2019 00:54:58 +0000

Hi Janet,
My daughter is 11 and has been suffering from severe school anxiety since she was 6. We have tried numerous things over the years and she has been in counseling for most of that time. She tells me that the advice she gets from her counselor (and us) on how to work through her anxiety doesn’t help. This morning I went into her room and she had fallen asleep with a box of tissue on her bed since she had been crying so much. It breaks my heart and I don’t know what else to do to help her. Is it possible this anxiety will always be with her regardless of intervention? Do you have any suggestions?

By: Han

Han — Wed, 09 Jan 2019 00:34:48 +0000

In reply to janet. Thanks Janet. Would the RIE approach then to explore by making suggestions; such as "do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable here? " " Do you like that there's lots of children or it's noisy for you?" . To be honest the word nervous is just picked up from me from when he started chewing badly at 2.5 when I tried to help by labelling his emotions.

By: Rick Ackerly

Rick Ackerly — Tue, 08 Jan 2019 17:38:00 +0000

Another excellent article! The question goes to the heart of parenting and your answer goes to the heart of good parenting. All this takes place in a culture which fosters and encourages the kind of anxiety this parent is at risk for passing on to her child. I write about that in my post today at http://geniusinchildren.org: What are the deeper, cultural causes of anxiety, depression and suicide and what we can do about it?
Thank you again for your brilliant way of bringing us all back to our senses.

By: janet

janet — Tue, 08 Jan 2019 16:31:56 +0000

In reply to Han. Thank you, Han. Regarding your son, I would want to know what he is nervous about and what that word means to him. In other words, I would approach this with curiosity and want to calmly explore it, rather than jumping to giving a response.

By: Han

Han — Tue, 08 Jan 2019 11:30:42 +0000

I love this response Janet. It’s true, we don’t have to jump to conclusions all the time. However would you think anchikd chewing on their sleeve alot and saying they are nervous, would that require a different way of looking at things? Should it be considered develomentally appropriate at 3.5 or 4 years if the child is understanding more adult ideas? How should I respond should I ask if he is feeling worried or just observe, “you are cheeing your sleeve.”. ? Does anyone know ?