Thanks a lot for this episode.
We are going through pretty much same thing with my 3 year old daughter.
I was wondering how long it will take. You mentioned it is a process the child is learning about power. How we can help our child to pass this phase safely and quickly.
Thank you

A lot of this article resonates with me regarding my 3 year old daughter. One of the biggest differences is that it is not person-specific. Her requests are towards both me and my husband, and others, like grandparents, as well. In general, I’d describe her as a pretty assertive toddler that has a plan and is a go-getter. However, she can get pretty angsty or frustrated (sometimes ending in tears or tantrum) when things don’t go exactly as planned or in the manner she wants it to be. Similar to examples above, people sitting in certain places, certain people doing things for her rather than others, eating her food in a certain order, playing with her toys in a certain way, etc. My husband and I are very welcoming of her big emotions and see the benefit in allowing her to have a “good fierce cry” with supportive acknowledgement. Many of her “controlling” behavior doesn’t affect me. I’ll move her carrots to the part of her plate that suits her, or move my seat a little over, or what have you. I generally respond in a gentle, softer tone.
“Sure, it seems like you really want the carrots here, I’ll move those over for you, or feel free to move them yourself.” (And, sometimes they are not okay with me, and I feel very comfortable holding the limit and allowing her to have those big feelings).
However, I want to make sure that these asks, or rather demands at times, are okay. I don’t want foster anxiety or unhealthy perfectionism. Would love your thoughts about how to respond to them. Thank you in advance for your thoughts!

Seems like when your son was a threenager, ‘hair down’ meant ‘stories & chill’. And to the emailer’s threenager, ‘hair down and not wearing work/gym outfit’ probably means ‘out of bed and playing with me, not leaving me to go to wherever it is she disappears to with hair up & that outfit’, which is a lot of intangible concepts he can’t string together, let alone verbalize, hence an oversimplified wording about the tangibles (e.g. hair) plus frustration with not being able to rationally process and express the rest. The mom has to acknowledge all that for him.

It’s my pleasure, Carla, and I’m thrilled that these ideas are clarifying for you. I wish you joy in your journey! x Janet

It’s my pleasure, Carla, and I’m thrilled that these ideas are clarifying for you. x Janet