Comments on: How to Handle Boastful, Competitive Behavior

By: janet

janet — Wed, 21 Feb 2024 20:24:15 +0000

In reply to Claire. Hi Claire! What are his thoughts about the friend issue? I'm interested in how he's perceiving the situation.

By: Claire

Claire — Wed, 21 Feb 2024 07:05:48 +0000

Hi Janet, thanks for addressing this subject as there is so little information out there. My son is older, going on 13 and is hyper competitive, and is constantly putting others down (says it’s a joke), and although I can see your point that it might come from a place of insecurity, if is mean and I feel I need to point it out. He has no friends because of it so what can I do if it’s seriously affecting all those around him and subsequently his ability to be a kind and good friend. I’m getting desperate.

By: Ana

Ana — Sat, 26 Mar 2022 02:56:58 +0000

Hello Janet! I guess I’m under the worst situation here . My six year old daughter is hyper competitive with me. She hates and throws tantrums every time I want to buy dresses or shoes. She hates to see me putting makeup on, or fashion earrings or fancy clothes. She cries when I do all that and says “you’re gonna look prettier than me” or “I don’t have the same things you have”. Honestly I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried to explain to her in a good mood that her behavior is not right. I tell her that she looks pretty too but she wouldn’t listen to me. She says don’t wear pretty skirts, dresses, fancy earring, and don’t straighten your hair cause I want it straight too. She’s also says, just wear sweat pants, tennis shoes, and put your hair on a messy and ugly bun. Just to name a few…

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 25 Sep 2021 15:57:39 +0000

I like the idea of letting kids learn through natural consequences. However, where one child is consistently doing this with their younger sibling, there are power disparities at play and I worry about the long-term effects on the younger sibling of being told multiple times a day that they’re less-than. It took until adulthood for me to unlearn all the nasty messages I’d absorbed about myself from my older sibling. Older sib is now a caring and thoughtful adult – but does that make my 15 years of suffering ok?

By: Dave Smail

Dave Smail — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 23:43:46 +0000

Thank you for this. Helpful, yes. Two points of curiosity: 1. there is no reference to ‘her’ only ‘him’ or ‘he’. Interesting
2. My situation is my 10 year old daughter’s same age friend, Melissa Melissa is so braggy and must always win, even when it’s not really a competition. A little example. Melissa claims, multiple times, to be taller than my daughter. I measure them and Melissa is 1 inch shorter. No one really cared anout that result. But, Melissa continued to tell everyone in their new class (school went back in September here) she was taller than my daughter. I asked my daughter if this troubled her and she said no, it wasn’t that important – which I agreed with – but still???? Melissa is gregarious and lots of friends. My daughter is powerfully emotionally intelligent and a leader in her class/school, with lots of the same friends, so there is no sheepish behaviour. Yes, Melissa is that way with others as well, according to my daughter. Comment?

By: m blankenship

m blankenship — Sun, 11 Aug 2019 03:46:21 +0000

Hi, this is helpful, thank you. My 5 year old is extremely competitive and boastful. However I often see this behavior hurting his friends feelings. One friend is very clear and direct with him–“I don’t want to race” or “why do you always have to win?” which I think is great. But another friend will often cry and run away when he becomes competitive. How would you address this?

By: Erin

Erin — Sat, 04 May 2019 11:02:29 +0000

Hi Janet! This is so helpful for me with my five year old, who is navigating his first year of pre school. My somewhat related question is how to deal with more explicitly negative or annoying language that has emerged as he is navigating the social world of school. Suddenly, “potty talk” and most recently, words like “stupid,” “fat,” and “ugly” have entered his vocabulary. And unfortunately, his two-year-old brother mimics him instantly. The “potty talk” is just overwhelmingly annoying, but the more negative language is concerning to me. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this! Thanks for all your work.