I am having a difficult time determining the fine line between my 3 month old venting her feelings and truly needing me. She often goes from obviously just venting her feelings to red-faced screaming, which I know what to do in these situations. Other times, she will just cry at the stage just before turning red and I am not sure what to do, I usually pick her up. I want her to develop trust, but I do not want to affect her confidence or for this to become a habit. I am struggling with what is the best course of action at this age. Thank you for any light you can shed on this.

Thank you for your reply. The issues with our 4 year old are mostly to do with him feeling dysregulated since the arrival of his baby sister, understandably! He can’t control his impulses towards her – especially at the end of the day – so they’re not safe to be left alone together when I’m focusing on something else. If I put my baby down in a “yes” space my 4 year old can get to her so I often end up juggling one or the other of them whilst cooking which is not ideal!

Thank you, Rebecca! 4 years old is beyond the age of a yes space, although children who’ve had one will usually continue to focus their play there. In a small apartment, my focus would be to completely child proof the main living area or child’s room (if he or she has one) and close off the kitchen if possible. Can you share what issues you are having with your 4-year-old?

I’m happy that I can allow my son to play in the corner of our family room on his own sometimes while I’m cooking dinner, but I’m equally happy to have him help me in the kitchen, too. That said, I don’t think that the kitchen should be off-limits. I do think that the dangers of the kitchen need to be identified and we as parents are responsible for keeping our children safe in the potentially unsafe situations of the kitchen. Perhaps my family is different since we spend a lot of time in our kitchen and it’s more of a gathering space, but I feel like children learn a lot from observing and imitating. When I chop onions, I’ll let my son have a butter knife and the onion peels to pretend to cut. He even has a small cutting board that he likes to use. When I mix batter, I’ll let him use the spoon, too. He loves stirring! When we cook on the range, we allow him to watch from the safety of our arms or from a stool and feel the warmth in the air to understand the meaning of hot/warm (but obviously not touching anything). I let him help me measure and scoop and all of that “fun” stuff. And I also let him help me clean up. He’s been exposed to these routines so frequently that even when he spills his milk cup, he will voluntarily run to grab the towel and sop it up, or he will ask to use the dust buster to help us vacuum the crumbs from under the table.

I’d want to remind the mom that every child is different. Perhaps her son should not be allowed into the kitchen. Or perhaps she should try to give him an opportunity to “help” her so he can also learn other valuable lessons.