Hi Serena! Thanks for reaching out and your kind words. I did a podcast around a topic similar to what’s going on with your daughter. I think you might find it helpful: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/11/the-best-way-to-encourage-toddler-manners/

Hi Mandy! It is common for parents who were neglected or abused as children to have difficulties setting boundaries, because their own boundaries were either consistently broken parents or altogether nonexistent. I don’t have a study in mind to show you right now, but I learned this through online research. I was curious because I was seeing this pattern in parents I’d worked with who’d had difficult childhoods. If this is your experience, I hope you will get the support you need. Elisabeth Corey is wonderful, if you are not aware of her work. https://beatingtrauma.com/ She’s been on my podcast and you’ve reminded me that I want her on again this year if she’s willing!

Please be good to yourself. x Janet

I had a question pertaining to your last episode on pandemic parenting on unruffled. You mentioned the mom that is not confident or back and forth with setting boundaries, specifically when it involves telling your child to go play. I am that mom! I feel guilt when I am not giving enough attention to each of my children. My question is – is this a generic mom thing or is there perhaps something else that influences one to behave this way? If one was neglected or felt neglected as a child would they more likely grow up to be apprehensive about setting such boundaries and tend to over-give themselves to their children?

We are in a weird situation. I and my husband work full time from home. Our friend didn’t want to return to work during covid due to the risk for her 5yo daughter who has lung issues. So we hired her to care for our 4yo son during the day.

I’m trying not to sound too judgemental but friend’s daughter has quite a range of behavior issues that have rubbed off on our son – she is an extremely picky eater, has very poor table manners, she is very clinging and attention seeking and her “confidence” leads to her insisting on dictating the rules of every game, loudly proclaiming winners and losers for arbitrary situations such as tying shoes. She is a clumsy child and plays up her spills for attention, and she has an exceptionally piercing whine when she’s being scolded. My friend is a single mom and having grown up with a single mom myself I can empathize with their situation and I can see my friend trying to work on the behavior but it’s been six months and I just see my son picking up her daughter’s bad behavior and nothing getting better. Normally I’m all for letting folks make their own parenting choices but it’s directly affecting my family and I wouldn’t even know where to start to model behavior for someone else’s kid while trying to do my full time job – not to mention the disruptions to our work when she has a tantrum as they are in our home 5 days a week. My friend knows the behavior is a problem for all of us but there has been no improvement in 6 months and we have another six months at least under this arrangement. I try to pass along resources but as I said, my friend is a single mom and she’s usually far too exhausted after work and her own home responsibilities to read a book or a blog. Is there anything at all I can do or is it out of my hands?

I am a pediatric physical therapist who has a high percentage of children in the birth to three-year old age range. I have had multiple parents ask me how to socialize their children during these times when we are trying to remain socially distant. Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks!

We have a 3yr old boy who tends to turn to mild violence when seeking for attention (hitting us, throwing a toy at us, hitting his brother). We understand this is a way of saying “I need attention” or “I am sad” and we tend to huge him / comfort him than that happens. Unfortunately, we are struggling with finding the right balance as sometimes it feels we are encouraging such a behaviour with our reaction. Any advice on how to get a right balance would be much appreciated.

My 15 month old daughter seems very shy and anxious around people she doesn’t know – particularly adults. Before lockdown (when she was still very much a baby) she was very sociable and outgoing and loved classes etc. She is now at nursery and while it took her a little while to settle in I’m told she is generally happy. However, we have a babysitter take her to classes some days and she is fine until other adults are present, then she wants to be held and cries and seems overwhelmed. Similarly with adults – even my mum – because she has seen them so little she is very cautious at first. I don’t mind this as much because she warms up eventually – but the anxiety at classes is making me anxious – do I need to be? Thank you