Comments on: How to Make No Mean No https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/ elevating child care Mon, 21 Nov 2022 11:34:33 +0000 hourly 1 By: Aunt Pepper https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-131107 Thu, 20 Jan 2022 22:51:58 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-131107 When my child gets stuck arguing or begging after I made a decision, i let her know I heard her idea (maybe even say her idea back to her so she knows I understand) but am not changing my mind this time, so if she wants to keep telling me her idea, she can, but it won’t change my mind and it’s not very fun for either one of us to keep going over and over this. So maybe we should move on and talk about something else.

]]> By: Cori https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-130653 Sun, 05 Sep 2021 17:38:14 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-130653 Hey Janet! I have twins who are almost two and a half and a newborn. My one twin will not stop repeating, “Go away baby.” Even at this age, he knows it gets to me because he repeats it over and over and I stumble on my words. I didn’t even realize I could say “no” to him in this sense. I often offer extra hugs and sympathize with him when things get hard. “It’s hard when you want me and I’m nursing the baby.” (and so on). It works for most other things but not this one. I would love to try something like, “No. Baby will not go away,” and “It’s hard when I say no to that.” Gently and firmly. Thank you for the tips! I’m so glad I’m able to adapt them to my situation.

]]> By: Tania https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-130437 Wed, 07 Jul 2021 22:18:53 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-130437 In reply to Lauren.

Also wondering. When they physically go and get things, when I said no. Thank you! Loved the podcast, very important topic for me personally.

]]> By: Karen https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-130433 Wed, 07 Jul 2021 14:13:42 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-130433 In reply to Lauren.

I can share some things we have been doing:

My 4 yo is a pro at testing those boundaries. I usually give him a heads up about the natural consequences:

“Hey buddy, I need to talk to you about something, let me know when you’re available.” Helps him see I respect his availability as well as expect him to respect mine.

“Wow, you chose to not listen. Bummer. The TV/snack seem to be too much of a temptation. How can I help? Do I need to keep the remote/snack hidden? I’d rather not, but I need you to follow the rules. What do you think?”
“We need to leave in 5 min, that’s about time to do 5 things.”
“Let’s go, headed to the car. Hmm, I see you’re not coming. That’s your choice. I must warn you, if you choose to delay or disobey I will be less inclined to bring you to the park again tomorrow/this week”
I wait in the car, I don’t start moving, I always want him to know I would never leave him, but I’m also not interested in power struggles.
I always welcome any discussions after cooperation.
“I want to hear what you have to say, but I’m too distracted because we will be late. Let’s go and talk along the way…”

]]> By: E https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-130006 Mon, 22 Feb 2021 11:25:43 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-130006 I have this a lot with my 8 year old – I will say no to something but he won’t leave it unless I answer ‘why’ – just saying No and acknowledging him feeling hard done by without explaining seems to remind me of my own upbringing ‘Because I said so!’ – so how do I navigate the need to sometimes say No yet not just because I said so…??

]]> By: Sue https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-129323 Mon, 27 Jul 2020 13:15:25 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-129323 I’m interested in how you would apply this to,as you suggest, w child who is interrupting? My just turned 8 year old interrupts my conversations a LOT. How do I set that boundary.

]]> By: Alison https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-129283 Wed, 15 Jul 2020 20:11:53 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-129283 In reply to Alison.

I have got into the car and turned the engine on before. Pulled away even, very slowly, to no avail!
Some kids just seem not to care. Then you are forced to backtrack with egg on your face

]]> By: Alison https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-129282 Wed, 15 Jul 2020 20:10:27 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-129282 In reply to Lauren.

Also wondering this.
Eg, they refuse to leave the playground and they are too big to man handle into the car? Because they are 7?

]]> By: Mona https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-129238 Sat, 04 Jul 2020 20:59:44 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-129238 I love your articles (transcripts). Wish had discovered you 7 years back when I got pregnant. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom in this way.
I would also be interested in reading a reply to Lauren’s question.
Also how to set boundaries in presence of grandparents who refuse to co-operate coz they don’t share our views for example showing their love by allowing them to watch TV to excess

]]> By: Lauren https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/07/how-to-make-no-mean-no/comment-page-1/#comment-129231 Fri, 03 Jul 2020 00:27:29 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20288#comment-129231 I am wondering how to handle when I tell them no and they do it anyway, usually turning on the tv or getting a snack that I’ve told them no to already.

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