Comments on: In The Toilet

By: Katie

Katie — Thu, 26 Aug 2021 02:05:24 +0000

Hi Janet,

Any thoughts on night time “learning?” My daughter is 3.5 years old and has been asking me for about a month to wear undies at night, however, she doesn’t typically wake up dry. She uses the potty 100% during the day with occasional accidents. I finally decided last night that it was probably most respectful to let her begin the night time journey with my support, as I too finally feel mentally and emotionally prepared for it (I wet the bed at night until at least age 6 and was shamed by my siblings). My plan is to limit fluids before bed, have her potty right before, and wake her up a couple of hours after sleep to go. Then of course be totally prepared for the accidents to come at the beginning.

Just wondering if you had any other suggestions?

Thanks for all your wisdom.

By: Megan

Megan — Sun, 02 May 2021 20:48:32 +0000

My child is 5 and she wanted to use the potty but had a few poop accidents. There was no shaming involved but she was really upset by it. She know refuses to go both pee on the potty. She is never gone poop on the potty. I feel the pressure because she is older and my parents have made comments that I will be changing diapers for another 8 years. My husband sometimes says things too but he is not adamant about it. She is homeschooled so we are not up against starting school and having to be potty trained. If I ask her about using the potty she says she will do it when she is older.

By: janet

janet — Wed, 21 Aug 2019 04:11:25 +0000

In reply to Disappointed. Disappointed - You seem to misunderstand my view. I agree that infants are capable of communicating and it is wonderful for parents to tune in to them. Where I disagree with you is in your projection that an infant communicating that they are urinating or having a bowel movement is asking you to hold them over a toilet. That is a purely adult-led perception and agenda.

By: Disappointed

Disappointed — Tue, 20 Aug 2019 15:09:59 +0000

In reply to Alexandra.

I’m very confused to discover that with all Janets experience, with her belief that newborns can communicate things such as an agreement to be picked up or put down to play etc, that she is adamant that they cannot communicate the need to eliminate. All I can think is that there is a lot of money in corporate sponsorship from diaper companies, and that makes me very sad.
I observed in the first two weeks that my daughter would get distraught right *before* she eliminated, I was fascinated but it wasn’t until 5 months that I started putting her on a potty. By 7 months it had already become quite intuitive, and by 10 months She was out of diapers completely.
Disposable diapers are not only devastating to the environment they run counter to a babies natural instinct as a mammal not to soil themselves. I’ve also witnessed in other friends newborns since, that they too get upset *before* they eliminate. It is only once they’ve accepted being forced to soil themselves over and over again that they do so without any signs.

By: Nadine Hadfield

Nadine Hadfield — Thu, 14 Mar 2019 06:03:41 +0000

Hi Janet,
I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing with my daughter. She’ll be 3 in 2 weeks.
She’s been naked at home for a couple of months after constantly taking off her nappy. She’s got a potty available and takes herself every time she needs to go.
When we go out, I’m still putting a nappy on her because she doesn’t tell me she needs to go.
I’ve tried underwear and shorts with nothing under them at home, but so far she just wets herself.
I’ve also tried nappy pants to allow her to feel wet, but she just goes and then takes them off.
I’ve seen others say that if you put a nappy on sometimes, their muscle memory makes them confused. Is that right?
Or is it ok to keep putting her in a nappy until she requested to go while out?
Thank you

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 12 Mar 2019 05:11:20 +0000

In reply to janet. Hi Janet! I have a similar concern with my 3 year old because of her preschool. They require her to be potty trained, but we’ve been sending her to school in pull-ups anyway. The faculty clearly look down on it, and we got to have a “serious conversation” with the principal when my daughter had a bm in her pull-up one day at school. When I’ve sent her to school in underwear she has either held it all morning (about 3 hours), or has peed in her undies at school. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? I know RIE doesn’t encourage potty training of any kind. But I feel like I have to because of her school. We tried today and she seemed proud of herself after a full day of using the potty. Do you think it’s harmful to keep encouraging the potty even though she can totally do it? Thanks.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sun, 26 Nov 2017 08:34:17 +0000

In reply to Sarah. Sarah I am going though this exact thing now! Not sure when you posted but how’s it going? I need some advice on this as well! Jennifer

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 11 Dec 2016 19:32:19 +0000

Hi Janet, First of all, thank you for this article and for all the wisdom you bring to the world of conscious parenting. I am a huge fan of your writing. About a month ago, my 26 month old daughter started asking to “make a pee pee in the potty” (we have had one in the bathroom since about 16 months, but I have never encouraged her to use it). She did make a pee pee in the potty without much fuss, and since then has been asking to do it periodically. If she’s naked in the house she will go into the bathroom to use the potty when she needs to pee. But the same time as she started peeing in the potty (the next day or so), she started complaining about a tummy ache and her tush burning. At first I thought something was wrong, but I realized that evening when she made a poop right before bed (which she never does, she goes daily in the afternoon) that the idea of using the potty may have increased awareness of the process of “making” and she seems scared now to poop, whether in the diaper or the potty. I tried to show her pooping on the potty because she seemed to have entered a state of purgatory where she didn’t want to poop in her diaper, but also had no idea how to do it on the potty. I have coaxed her through pooping on the potty a few times (saying things like “let it slide out” “it’s ok to make a doody” etc.), and she’s very proud after and feels like a big girl, but the idea of pooping has become problematic. I think she is holding her poop. She has pooped every day since she was born, and now she poops every other day, and sometimes every two days. Unfortunately she may have already been biased against pooping by a bad experience with her dad changing her diaper one day and exclaiming about the amount of poop. Because since then she has been apprehensive to have her diaper changed and has repeated the words (“it’s a major doodie??”). I have told her it takes a while to learn the potty and it is OK to make a poop in her diaper or in the potty, but she still seems scared or apprehensive to poop (she’ll be standing around in a diaper and all of a sudden say in a fearful way “it’s ok to make a doodie!”). Unfortunately, I have also rewarded her for pooping in this potty, and I have let her use my phone on the potty, both of which I am against but which I did the first time she pooped in the potty because she had been holding her poop and I just wanted it to come out, and relied on instantaneous advice from people around me instead of really researching the matter. I have no desire to push my daughter to be potty trained and only want her to be healthy and regular. Any advice on how to either let her know it is ok to poop in her diaper, or help her through knowing it’s ok to use the potty for pooping? And undo any negative thinking about pooping or damage I may have done by rewarding her for using the potty? Thank you!

By: Abbie Saturno

Abbie Saturno — Thu, 08 Dec 2016 20:01:38 +0000

In reply to Pamela. Thank you for sharing that term. I will try to incorporate it!

By: Nora

Nora — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 02:33:12 +0000

In reply to Jordana Shay. Very similar here! How are things going?