Due to his problem, it is very important for him to go to school. But they won’t take him in without toilet training. So I don’t want to be invested in him going to the bathroom, but he sort of needs to learn to go to the toilet for his own good.

And I have a huge concern now. Because I could and would like to take a break and use only diapers. But she attends a day care and there she has only underwear and no accidents at all… And when I said the caregivers that I will probably go back to diapers, they didn’t uderstand the reason why. She uses toilett, she remembers about this, undresses herself. For the last 3 months she had only one accident and only because her trousers were too tight and she couldn’t put them down on time.

And I don’t get it at all, as well 🙂 What I’m doing wrong that it’s not working at home and it’s working at day care centre. And is right to give her diapers at home and no diapers at day care? Or is it too confusing for her? I’m very confused, as well.

Anybody had a similar experience?

Thank you for this… I wish I’d known about you with my first child!!! She is now nearly 5 and still asking for a nappy for her poos. She withholds until we are home and has never gone at school. I’m trying to let go and give her control after I’m sure she felt a forced agenda from us when starting the training just before three as she is emotionally very sensitive and clearly not emotionally ready. If I respectfully ask her to try on the loo first she becomes upset and says it’s done back inside… (hence total back off and now she is nearly 5)how can I give her back the control and let her know she’s got this?
Her younger brother 2.5 trained himself and there was no agenda and stress as we have learnt from our mistakes… he tries to help
encourage his sister too.
Thank you so much for your insight, I love your posts , they are so helpful!

Hi Tiffany! It sounds like what might be missing is you being clear, comfortable and confident in your decision. When you say “reassuring him”, that can mean you are projecting your own uncomfortable or guilty feelings. A routine to the day will be of great help to him in letting go of you. It also sounds like he needs the opportunity to share feelings about this shift to a sibling and is “using” this as a time to do that with you. So, I would perceive this situation positively and be 100% clear and comfortable with your choice.. OR, not attempt this at all. It’s really up to you.

I read your blog, listen to your podcasts and I have your toddler discipline book, however, I still can’t figure out the best way to handle my son when he protests being left in his gated playroom. I like you’re idea of just letting him be and finding something to do, so I tried that this morning, hoping he’d eventually play with his toys and entertain himself. Instead he was taking dishes out of the dishwasher as I was trying to load it, getting into the trash, and climbing on the dog. So to the playroom we went. I told him I needed to keep him safe while I got some things done.. I acknowledged that he didn’t want to be in there, but I’d come back as soon as I was done. Our playroom is right off the kitchen, where he can see me, I thought it would be a good space because I am right there and he won’t feel left alone. He. Was. Miserable. The entire time. It was about 30 minutes and he never did anything but stand at the gate and scream and cry, he had himself so worked up he was gagging and needed a nap earlier than usual. I kept acknowledging his upset and reassuring him I’d let him out as soon as I was done, but I must be missing something. It can’t be good to let him be this upset? One thing I can say, he’s seeing his playroom as a punishment now. He certainly doesn’t eventually give in and start playing like some of your other posts on independent play suggest. Today may have not been ideal because we started out not in the playroom and had to move there, but he acts pretty much the same even if I put him in there to begin with. Please help! This is only 1 of a host of issues we are dealing with at the moment (new sister is 6 months old and boy has that transition been fun). I have also tried putting him in his bedroom, out of sight, but he acts much the same. Am I really supposed to just let him get this worked up? I’ve also tried staying with him to acknowledge his feelings and wait for him to calm down before I leave, but he doesn’t get really upset until I actually leave and when I come back, he’s better. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!