I need to save my years records in Google

My instinct was also to investigate anything that might be happening with her development. While the approach to the outbursts when they happen may not change, assessment or diagnosis (if warranted) would absolutely change the way that this mother interacts with her child in general. We can’t tell if she is ‘otherwise normal functioning’ because we have no idea how she is using or understanding language and social cues. Or how she is perceiving sensory input. I think it’s dangerous to be putting the onus squarely on the parent to be better, when there may be things happening for the child that are being overlooked. She has already said that she is lacking in social support. I think a responsible reply to this email needed to also include seeking local professional and community support.

If the child is otherwise normal functioning a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder would not change in anything in how this mother would handle her child. She would still follow the same idea that Janet Lansbury recommends. It would just be an unnecessary label. The only reason I would ever get my child evaluated for autism is if they were low functioning or had a disability because of it that would require special services. There are many children with behavioral issues and it doesn’t mean they have autism- coming from a medical professional who works with kids with autism

Bless this mom’s heart. I’m a single mom too (5yo and 2yo). 4 is a challenging age in the best of times. Give yourself some grace and let some things go. Janet is right that the key is to control less and lead more. Hang in there. Just love your daughter and yourself and this will pass. Very difficult now during Covid but when possible, get yourself a babysitter once a month or take a day off from work every now and then to enjoy some alone time.

Hi Sarah, I want to assure you that spanking will not change her behavior. It will only make it worse. I reared two strong willed children, a boy and a girl, and never spanked. I had people telling me that when they became teenagers I would not be able to control them.

I was also a single mother from the time my son was age 2 years and 4 months old & until he turned 15 years. I found a decent man whom I married and have had a wonderful marriage with now for 27 years.

Each of my children are grown now with their own families. My daughter follows the RIE and never spanks. My son, well he lives out of state and I do not know what he does. But he is a very committed father to his two.

Action immediately seems to be the key with these testing toddlers and that is what I learned how to do as well. When my son ignored my reminder it was bath time, I got in front of the TV, turned it off if I had to so he’d go do what he was suppose to do. When my daughter would not get dressed for daycare and I had to be out the door for work, I told her I would take her to daycare in her pajamas. She tested me and I delivered her in PJs. The next day, she was dressed by herself. The natural consequences of her decision helped with that. It was a safe consequence for her but nonetheless it worked.

It eventually all became very smooth for me as my children aged. They were responsible and I could let them walk home from school while I was at work for two more hours. They would first eat then watch a favorite show together. They had chores to do as well. One day I arrived home to have my son open the front door, escort me to the table and my daughter presented a plate of dinner for me. She made me a cheeseburger. It was delicious! As they got older life got smoother for a time as they could do much for themselves. One of the things I did when they were in grade school was ask them how long they thought they needed to eat their meal. They told me 10 minutes. I set a timer and when 10 minutes was up I removed their plates of food. They learned to begin eating while the food was hot and shortly after I placed it on the table. I adjusted the timer to 20 minutes and usually they were done too. Eventually I discarded the timer.

I just want you to know that not spanking them did not ruin them.