Comments on: The Powerful Effect of Respectful Parenting for Children With Special Needs (Case Studies from Sandra Hallman)

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sun, 20 Jan 2019 01:09:18 +0000

In reply to Moshi.

Hi Moshi,
Great question. I think the best way to answer that is to TRUST your gut. If it’s your child, your mommy or daddy instinct will never misguide you. If there is truly a neurodevelopmental issue, you’ll see atypical patterns in developmental skills. If you’re concerned, I would consider an evaluation with an professional, but know that they are often coming from a medical model that can get hung up on numbers and remediation of any delays, rather than looking at the bigger picture and typical/atypical development.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sun, 20 Jan 2019 01:04:12 +0000

In reply to Heidi.

Hi Heidi,
Your son is a lucky guy to have a mother like you who is so thoughtful in your parenting. I have many thoughts on your last comment about a “miracle cure” for autism. My other passion, along with RIE, is learning how the body can heal itself when the interference is removed.
I have met many functional and holistic practitioners who are helping children with a diagnosis of autism heal their guts and their brains, which in turn helps their nervous system find homeostasis, leading to decreased symptoms and often times complete recovery and typical development. It’s not a quick process, but with consistency and the right protocols, these children are no longer ‘autistic.’ I think it’s respectful for our children to educate ourselves on how we can best support their overall health for optimal development. Feel free to reach out to me if you’d like more information.

By: Amy

Amy — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 04:46:37 +0000

Hi Sandra and Janet and parents,

This article is fantastic and I so appreciate the information and responses. I’m a child/family/marriage counselor in Hong Kong and I had the pleasure of working with special needs students for over four years at an international school here as well as in private practice. Unfortunately, I didn’t know about RIE then. I stopped working in the school when I became pregnant and that’s when I discovered Dr Pikler, Magda and Janet’s work. Since, I have dreamed of getting RIE certified and opening my own center once back stateside in June 2017. Sandra, I am so pleased to know you are already successful with this idea! You’ve given me hope! Thank you so much!!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 18 Jul 2016 01:25:28 +0000

Hi- this resonated with me a lot. My 28 week preemie has severe SPD affecting motor planning, body awareness and attention and most problematic was with eating (texture aversions, etc). He’s been in special Ed preschool for the past few months- he’s 3.5 and has been making good strides but lately since we are in the summer and the schedule is not consistent, he’s been having a lot of meltdowns. He has a few new behaviors like screaming when he doesn’t getting his way or refusing to move or go to where we need to be when we are out of the house. He also has pushed his 13 month old brother very roughly several times where it has made me concerned that he could get really hurt. I’m having trouble dealing with these outburst and meltdowns. It doesn’t seem like anything I do really helps. Do you have any advice, Sandra?

By: Moshi

Moshi — Fri, 15 Jul 2016 06:17:22 +0000

Thank you! I learned a lot from this blog.

I do have a question.

I understand the uniqueness of every child, my concern is if we apply the RIE approach, how are we able to identify early identification of disabled children?

By: Heidi

Heidi — Fri, 10 Jun 2016 23:55:29 +0000

Hi Sandra and Janet,
I really enjoyed reading this. I’ve been following Janet’s blog for several years now, since my son was a baby, but have felt frustrated in the past because my RIE-inspired parenting doesn’t look as successful as other people’s. My son has ASD and he is generally a happy and engaging person. However, what seem like small things to the rest of the world are big for him. So even though I implement this kind of attention and care into our home every day, he continues to have tantrums and moments of just general overwhelm. It took me awhile to see that our situation was a bit different and to be ok with that. Without RIE, I think my son would struggle a lot more and I am glad I found this when he was so young. As my son gets older, I actually find him struggling more, or at least his behavior appears more unusual, as he starts to recognize his differences, for example, that he has a harder time connecting with or understanding other kids than they do with one another. But I continue to try hard to keep our communication strong and use RIE principles. For us that doesn’t mean that he will stop having tantrums or fixating on things others can’t relate to. It seems to me that the world outside our home is a confusing place for him and I so appreciate RIE and this blog for supporting my instinct to be there for him as he finds his way through it. It’s has been a real blessing to be able to embrace the gift of tantrums and allowing space for my children’s emotions (although I don’t always succeed at this). The hardest part for me has been accepting that our success story looks different and trying not to be affected by how that might be judged. I haven’t found anything to be a “miracle cure” for autism and it actually feels disrespectful to my child to try to look for such a thing. I’d love to hear both of your thoughts on that because there is so much out there that goes in that direction. Thank you!

By: Sandra

Sandra — Tue, 22 Dec 2015 02:08:34 +0000

In reply to Helen Rubin. Wow, Helen! I'm amazed that you've stayed connected to that girl's family for so long. You must have had a huge impact on them!!

By: Sandra

Sandra — Tue, 22 Dec 2015 02:01:53 +0000

In reply to Erika Cedillo. Hi Erika! Thank you so much for your kind words. It's so wonderful to hear from parents like you who make the work with families so rewarding and worthwhile!!

By: Helen Rubin

Helen Rubin — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:08:00 +0000

Dear Janet,

What a wonderful post! I know I’m late in finding it just today.

It really is SO supportive of my work over the years. This is the first time I’ve read of a therapist using similar patient and respectful care to aid a child and his/her family in making developmental improvements.

I’ve worked with at least two children who might have been diagnosed around 18 months who have gone on to be mainstreamed. One couldn’t even be held until she’d been in my care for three years, at which point she asked me “Will you be my mummy?” When I told her ‘no, because you have a wonderful mummy’, she laid in my lap and sobbed and sobbed while I stroke her hair and back.

I saw her a week ago and she is a wonderful 14 year old – it was as though our connection hadn’t left (we haven’t met in several years) and we had a most wonderful and mature conversation!

Thank you a thousand times Janet! And Sandra too!

By: Regina W

Regina W — Sun, 23 Aug 2015 17:56:22 +0000

In reply to Karin.

Thank you for sharing this, Karin. So often I feel alone reading these blogs because I feel like we can do everything right but that nothing works when our child loses control of herself. She is 6.5 years old and has severe ADHD, SPD, a pragmatic language delay, and high-functioning Autism is on the watch-list. When her brain is fully connected (she’s well-regulated), RIE works about as well as you would expect with a kid who isn’t very intuitive but wants to do well. We’ve had lots of good talks, though sometimes I’m not sure they lead to a change in her ability to control her behavior or feelings. (Time, give it time, I keep telling myself.)

When she’s struggling and heading towards a meltdown, sometimes we can avoid a full meltdown with forced sensory stuff, but once she hits the fight-or-flight mode, it’s just survival and protecting her and everyone else from her. However, RIE has helped us be able to talk to her about these times afterwards and seems to be helping space out the meltdowns (maybe?). We’ve been working towards RIE our whole parenting journey but only just discovered the official system this past year. I love it and I wish it worked 100% of the time but I tend to see meltdowns as kind of emergency situations since our daughter does become a danger to herself and others during those times.

I like your idea of getting her permission while she’s well-regulated to hold her, move her to a safe place, etc. during meltdowns. That makes total sense to me but I hadn’t thought to discuss it with her. It’s so hard to respectfully parent a child during a time when they’re violent and out of control but I know it must be possible and your comment gave me a bit more hope. 🙂