Comments on: When Sleep Isn’t Working (Guest Post by Eileen Henry)

By: Anna Klajban

Anna Klajban — Sat, 18 Sep 2021 08:43:49 +0000

In reply to Marge. I'm wondering the exact same thing and am in a similar boat. My son will only fall asleep with me in the room. This part of the article is so deliciously vague that it sounds dreamy but in reality, was there crying? How long did she leave for? Did Olivia fall asleep when Alex was in the room or out?

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 18 Sep 2021 08:39:22 +0000

Thank you for all of your articles, I’ve been avidly reading them all and they make a lot of sense to me. I’ve seen a lot of progress with my 10 month old after putting into practice the principles on this website.
My question is: when Alex is leaving the room in this example, is Olivia crying? How long does Alex wait before returning? Does she continue to leave after soothing until Olivia falls asleep when Alex is no longer in the room? I know that crying is ok…. provided I’m in the room… I’m confused about whether some crying is ok after I leave the room?
Some background:
I fed to sleep until 8 months but from 6 months had hourly waking overnight so something desperately needed to change. My son can now fall asleep in his cot by himself, but only if I am right there standing over him. My problem is that it can take up to an hour for him to settle for a nap because as long as i’m in the room, he just plays. I know he’s tired and really needs to nap. As soon as I leave the room, he loses it and becomes hysterical. So I come back into the room and am only then able to settle him to sleep in a couple of minutes. It feels like we’re in a bit of a rut and I’m leaving the room for the sole purpose of getting him to cry and stop playing so that my return will sooth him to sleep. I don’t know where to go from here! Any tips would be much appreciated!

By: Miranda Mitchell

Miranda Mitchell — Mon, 16 Nov 2020 02:22:55 +0000

What about a toddler ( 26m) who is struggling who is across the hall from a 4yo? His sleep is impacted severely and it feels terrible. The toddler slept FINE until he slept in our bed for a few nights when we lost power/ heat and now we’re in the mud. He’s waking 4-6x per night and we walk him back to bed but will scream unless we sit next to his bed while he falls asleep. It’s so discouraging. The 4yo is exhausted from hearing him wake up as it is!

By: Sandrs

Sandrs — Wed, 22 May 2019 01:55:04 +0000

I also have a nine month baby Olivia 🙂 and I just found this post while searching for some ideas on how to make my baby sleep AGAIN. She’s been a good sleeper since birth, I always tried putting her to bed awake and she settled by herself always, rarely needed any extra cuddles. She’s been sleeping true the night (app 8pm-7/8am) every single night from 1-4 month of age. Then just like that she started to wake once (I breasfeed and she feel back to sleep until morning, except when teething) Than at 7m age she started to wake more, teething or not; at 11pm, 2am, 4am, 6am always nearly catching these hours… I just got in gave her the pacifier and she fell back to sleep, than I started to give her bottle again at around 2am and first few nights she slept until morning after feeding, thought she was hungry… Now she’s waking again regardless the bottle, except now she wants one, very often also the second one at 5-6am… Please help, soon I go back to work and feel exhausted, she’s becoming worse as she was as newborn :O

By: Ryan Walker

Ryan Walker — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 10:43:53 +0000

OMG! What you’ve said is so true. When my little Jackie was born, me and my wife have had quite a tough time. It’s glad that i’ve finally found your post.

By: Marge

Marge — Wed, 31 May 2017 01:58:15 +0000

In reply to Marge.

Also, what does this part quoted below look like specifically? I guess I’m at a loss as to how to do this. Is there any way other than staying in her room until she falls asleep? At 25 weeks pregnant, this is getting more and more difficult as she wants / thinks she “needs” me to lay on the floor / pallet next to her.

“I then showed her what coming and going looked like in this context, slowly coming and going from her room. ‘Then I am going to leave so that you can relax and sleep. I will come and go, and I’ll help you fall asleep on your own. Olivia sat in her crib wide eyed and watching.’

Alex came and went and offered Olivia the love, empathy and support she needed in learning a new skill.”

By: Marge

Marge — Wed, 31 May 2017 01:52:35 +0000

Is there any advice for a toddler? My daughter does not go to sleep on her own and needs myself or my husband in her room to help her sleep (really me unless I’m unavailable). We are expecting another baby soon and do not have room in our bed for two kids. Is it possible at this point (25 months) to get her to go to sleep without one of us in her room?

By: Alex

Alex — Tue, 23 May 2017 20:59:21 +0000

We are struggling with similar things in our house. Our 22 month old is a sweet and affectionate guy all day, but has regressed to seriously struggling with naptime, bedtime, and morning wakings at least 50% of the time.

We have always talked to him about modifications we’re making in the routine to accommodate his needs, but we get frustrated. It is extremely difficult at this point (screaming, kicking) to get him to settle, and while we are often able to provide acknowledgement and calm presence, we are often just as ruffled.

Please help!!

By: Pessy

Pessy — Mon, 08 May 2017 21:35:55 +0000

The above story describes a lot of what i been through. My 15 month old never went into a crib awake without resisting and screaming. Wjat can i do to make sleep happem wothojt an hour of rocking??

By: Eileen Henry

Eileen Henry — Thu, 27 Apr 2017 21:58:41 +0000

In reply to Rachel L.

I like what Rachel says here: I bet that removing the power struggle dynamic will allow her to sleep, as she won’t feel compelled to test and act contrary to what she senses you REALLY want her to do.

Yes there can be an emotional environment I call “chasing the nap” – where our natural attachment to nap can create natural resistance in the toddler.