Comments on: It’s Okay to be Scared – 5 Steps for Easing Bedtime Fears

By: Sophie

Sophie — Thu, 14 Jul 2022 11:11:47 +0000

Hi Janet, I have been following your amazing work for years, my husband and I have both read your book and I listen regularly to your podcast. Thank you for your incredible work, it has helped so so much.

We have had ongoing sleep issues for a while, my now 6 year old is still sleeping in bed with us, she is too scared to sleep in her bedroom, even with her younger sister who is 3 (and who is ok to sleep in her room)
We have tried many different things over the years…. she is scared of monsters, we have talked a lot – I have asked her what they look like, (they are blue, scary) that it’s ok to be scared, shared with her that I used to have a similar fear, we left out a potion which would make them disappear, asked our pest control guy to make sure he sprayed under the bed, reassured her that real monsters don’t really exist, that ishe is strong and brave and can handle it, slept with her and then go to our bed, check in on her, and more.

Over the years we have tried her in her room at different times with varying success, every time we try she will come running so fast into our room in the middle of the night totally terrified. She wanted to go to sleep in our bed then we would move her to her bed, the same thing would happen. She has asked us to please not move her, every night before she goes to sleep. We now have a very big bed, and for the last year or so we have gone with flow, she sleeps with us all night, my partner and I are ok with this, I know in my heart it won’t be forever, we find other ways to have our space and to have intimate and nurture our relationship. I think my worry is that this is childhood anxiety, which is something I have struggled with (and have worked very hard on) for my whole life. I’m just feeling a bit Stuck on if I need to be helping her to sleep in her own bed and face and know these fears or if they will ease as she gets older. Will the fears just change into something else? Do you have any advice on how we should be handling this? Thanks so much. Sophie and dean

By: Kay

Kay — Sat, 29 Jan 2022 04:12:14 +0000

In reply to janet. This has only been partially effective for my child. She’s terrified of dinosaurs coming into her room. I’m firm that she is allowed to be afraid but that dinosaurs are absolutely not coming into her room. I try to only validate the valid- the feeling, but also find that giving options like opening the door a crack gradually leads to the door being wide open. Anyway, curious on people’s opinions of this approach and if this could be in line with respectful parenting. Thank you!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 20 Nov 2020 03:13:11 +0000

In reply to Sonja. I would also be interested in this question. I have a 2 year old who refuses to stay in bed at bedtime and naptime. I have tried the "1000" walks back (more like a million) and it doesn't work. Bedtime and naptime can take hours!!!

By: Daniela

Daniela — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 09:54:45 +0000

In reply to Heather. Curious on the answer also :)

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 25 Aug 2020 14:54:19 +0000

In reply to Sonja. Sonja did you ever get an answer on this one? We are in the same boat...

By: janet

janet — Sun, 18 Aug 2019 20:09:46 +0000

In reply to Erin. Well done, Erin, and you are so welcome!

By: Erin

Erin — Fri, 16 Aug 2019 14:18:33 +0000

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My 5 year old started being scared when he went to bed. It was taking us close to 2 hours to get him to sleep and sometimes that wasn’t even working . He’d end up in our bed for the night, or up 2-3 times during the night. I was exhausted. I kept telling him, “There is nothing to be afraid off” and I wish I could say that it was said in a calm manner but most of time it wasn’t. Again, I was exhausted. I knew you would have something on this subject, and it was brilliant. I was a bit skeptical, but I followed the advice to a T last night. It took 15 minutes of talking and cuddling, to get him to sleep! We talked about what we both feared and that it was ok to be scared. I left his room and he didn’t even call us back in! Not even once!!! He was up once in the middle of the night to pee, and back into his bed! I still can’t believe it. I wish I had looked up what your thoughts were on the subject weeks ago!!

By: Liz

Liz — Wed, 29 May 2019 20:22:29 +0000

This article is so helpful. My almost 3 year old has seemed to develop strong fears recently around strangers – adults, children, babies. It doesn’t matter who or where or what size, if she doesnt know them she doesn’t trust them. Her anxiety is visible as she freezes, refuses to talk, gets flushed cheeks and starts fiddling with her hands in her mouth. I want to help her be confident, especially around her peers and wonder if there is anything else I can do besides acknowledging that she is fearful and nervous.
Thank you, Janet, for all of your parenting insight.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Wed, 03 Jan 2018 15:51:14 +0000

In reply to Sonja. I was glad to find this and the comments. I’d like to know how you responded to Sonja. THanks, Janet, for your insight.

By: Cat

Cat — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 11:03:09 +0000

You have changed the future for the better JL.

Our sons are lucky we stumbled across you.

Thank you so very much.