Comments on: What to Do About Your Clingy Child https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/ elevating child care Tue, 22 Nov 2022 01:09:41 +0000 hourly 1 By: janet https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-131273 Sun, 20 Feb 2022 18:00:39 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-131273 In reply to Jeffrey.

I love this, Jeffrey! Thank you for sharing

]]> By: Jeffrey https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-131272 Sun, 20 Feb 2022 15:38:54 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-131272 My go-to response is to literally get on the floor and try again—something I learned in RIE class. I think a lot of dads in particular don’t realize how much can change in a dynamic with a toddler when we just bring ourselves physically to a more equal footing. Usually, when we are eye-to-eye, both my 3 y/o and I start talking/listening to each other better and we are able to move forward. I think getting down on the floor (kneeling, sitting, etc ) works because it accommodates and leads at the same time—empathetic and strong —and because it uses no words to change a dynamic. For Pikler babies, this prob also brings back all the good feelings of the diapering routine. For the mom, too,, I see in this child’s gestures—tugging clothes, etc—what might be a request to join the child down lower near the ground.]]> I very much relate to the “not preferred” parent in this example bcs that’s often me ‍♂️ My go-to response is to literally get on the floor and try again—something I learned in RIE class. I think a lot of dads in particular don’t realize how much can change in a dynamic with a toddler when we just bring ourselves physically to a more equal footing. Usually, when we are eye-to-eye, both my 3 y/o and I start talking/listening to each other better and we are able to move forward. I think getting down on the floor (kneeling, sitting, etc ) works because it accommodates and leads at the same time—empathetic and strong —and because it uses no words to change a dynamic. For Pikler babies, this prob also brings back all the good feelings of the diapering routine. For the mom, too,, I see in this child’s gestures—tugging clothes, etc—what might be a request to join the child down lower near the ground.

]]> By: janet https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-129463 Sat, 29 Aug 2020 15:38:34 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-129463 In reply to Suzy.

Thanks, Suzy. Just that awareness of our vulnerabilities can be helpful, because it gives us the perspective: “This is me reacting from my anxiety. I am not harming or letting my child down here.” The calmest among will get flustered and ruffled sometimes. It’s okay, just keep going, keep setting your boundaries, keep reminding yourself that you child can handle these reasonable limits and whatever feelings they might have in response. It’s safe.

]]> By: Suzy https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-129462 Sat, 29 Aug 2020 08:21:19 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-129462 In reply to Felicia.

Janet, thank you for your insight. I agree completely. However, I’m curious what, if any, additional advice you have when both working parents suffer from diagnosed general anxiety disorders. Staying unruffled, while necessary, becomes much, much harder even if properly treating the anxiety. For example, even if a parent is very hungry the child screaming causes loss of appetite and more anxiety.

]]> By: Felicia https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-128518 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 17:03:10 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-128518 In reply to janet.

Thank you for your reply, Janet. I always appreciate your insight and I agree totally that these all-day care situations are completely draining for children. It is definitely the reality. As you said, parents must be ok with the fallout – which may mean that their only “quality” time on a daily basis is the 1-2 hr when they get home from work when their child is in complete breakdown. It’s good to acknowledge the truth and consequences. Especially considering he’s a little guy whose been alive for only 2.5 years.

]]> By: janet https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-128512 Fri, 14 Feb 2020 20:50:25 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-128512 In reply to Tory.

Yes, thank you for adding that, Tory. It’s important.

]]> By: janet https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-128511 Fri, 14 Feb 2020 20:49:46 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-128511 In reply to Felicia.

Thank you, Felicia. Hmm… The problem with that way of thinking is that parents’ concerns and doubts are exactly what is causing the child to behave in this manner. So, before even considering “my child can’t handle this,” I would proceed with confidence and acceptance as I’ve suggested. Then, if the parents are sure that they are being confident leaders and yet the fragility persists, I would consider other possibilities.

]]> By: Tory https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-128509 Fri, 14 Feb 2020 15:52:53 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-128509 This was incredibly helpful as I experience aspects of this with my 2.5 year old (and we have an 8 month old to further complicate things!) Just wanted to flag the sensitivity around assuming working is a “life decision” or ”choice” for this or any working parent. Many families are in a position where it is a financial necessity.

]]> By: Felicia https://www.janetlansbury.com/2020/02/what-to-do-about-your-clingy-child/comment-page-1/#comment-128504 Thu, 13 Feb 2020 16:36:02 +0000 https://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=20043#comment-128504 Excellent suggestions on dealing with the consequences of this parent’s scenario. In my opinion you don’t really address that the root could actually very well be that this child is indeed suffering in some way from a sense of disconnection…causing this cyclical / daily pattern of disregulation. Perhaps he is an extremely sensitive child and this choice that his parents have made is NOT working for him? This extreme behavior is him (very loudly) telling his Mom he needs her and he really can’t handle the current daily expectations that are being thrust upon him. Sometimes the truth hurts.

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