Comments on: I Miss You, And That’s OK (Toddlers And Separation)

By: Amy20

Amy20 — Tue, 10 Aug 2021 19:15:48 +0000

I’m mother and I have a such hard time with stuff like this. We share custody 50:50
And Our 3 year old boy is 7 days one parent 7 days second parent.
Every time he is going he is crying and screaming and he just hates going. I’m worried will he be okay ,is this affecting such a small
kid. Other parent doesn’t mind for this reaction . I wonder how other kids react, it’s sad to see this every time

By: Iona

Iona — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 12:02:43 +0000

Thank you for this post. It is timely for me as we have just started daycare three days per week for our 18 month old and she is struggling with the separation. We did lots of preparation in the lead up (books about going to school/daycare; going on walks to the centre; talking about mummy going to work just like daddy etc) and it definitely helped her understand cognitively what was happening but the emotional impact has unsurprisingly been big. I spoke to the carers today and they said she says “no” a lot to participating in play activities. I was pleased to hear they have chosen to respect her boundaries and have set up a little space nearby for her with a photo of us and her book from home that she asks to take with her every day (called “Llama llama misses mumma”). She goes to that area as a safe space when needed – and that is respected rather than trying to force her to participate in activities she isn’t comfortable with (which would just be to distract her). I feel like this is an acknowledgment that her feelings are ok and she can have space to have them – which is also how we respond at home. Having said that, it’s still heartbreaking to hear of your beloved little one struggling so much with all the change! It’s a lot to ask of them at such a young age and she is a darling sensitive little soul.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 09:22:11 +0000

Would appreciate some tips for separation anxiety for my almost 3 year old.
He has never suffered much from this until recently when I had to go away for 2 separate nights, and leave him with his Dad.
I have been with him every night and most of every day prior to that.
He seemed ok while I was away except for a few crying bouts. But since then he has changed to now not want me to leave the room. I can no longer go to the bathroom, window, be in the kitchen or other room, have a shower. Doing so causes great distress, crying and screaming.
He now won’t eat until we are all sitting together ready.
He is happier if he is left with his Nanna if I have to duck out. Otherwise, he has been known to cry to half an hour and ask his Dad to go get Mummy
I have discussed with the gp who believes this anxiety is due to the nights I was away previously.
Unfortunately, I also must be away another few nights consecutively soon, and I’m dreading leaving him again.
I also don’t want to break his trust in me as I always been there for him.
Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

By: Kristen

Kristen — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:38:55 +0000

In reply to Mazzy. Mazzy, this comment seems kind of harsh to your mom. I’m not sure what you mean when you say your mom has a choice, but if I don’t work my children don’t have food or a place to live or clothes, so no, I don’t have a choice, and I’m sure your mother was telling the truth. The other choice—not working and being homeless and hungry—doesn’t really count as much of a choice in my book.

By: Beth Lavington

Beth Lavington — Thu, 14 Nov 2019 05:23:47 +0000

In reply to Kelsey.

Wow, that’s dreadful, as the nanny you are the second most important person in a child’s life – after the parents, who should at all times be the one’s who the child turns too for love and support – how sad that they negated their responsibilities and put them onto you.

By: Penelope Smith

Penelope Smith — Tue, 23 Apr 2019 23:15:57 +0000

My nephew needs to start going to daycare later this year. He is really attached to his mom and I think he will have separation anxiety. Thanks for pointing out that it would be smart to not discount his feelings.

By: Penelope Smith

Penelope Smith — Thu, 03 Jan 2019 01:36:41 +0000

My sister is going to be needing to send her son to daycare when she goes back to work in a few months. I think he is going to have a hard time being away from his mom. It is good to know that we should help him remember that it is only temporary. It might also be smart for us to find a daycare that he wants to go to.

By: janet

janet — Sat, 13 Jan 2018 05:28:48 +0000

In reply to Aritri.

Everything we do as parents has an effect, but these separations can be manageable for her if she’s allowed to process them fully, as I recommend in the article. In other words, she needs to be able to grieve the losses and also share feelings with you when you return. These won’t be straightforward or seem obviously connected to your separations, but might flare up in a variety of situations. I’ve share more about this dynamic in my posts and podcasts. Here’s a recent one that applies: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/01/helping-child-adjust-two-households-changes-care/

I hope that helps!

By: Aritri

Aritri — Fri, 12 Jan 2018 17:59:09 +0000

Thanks for the article, I was so looking for some advice on toddler separation. I am a consultant mom. I travel for around 7-10 days every month (sometimes more). I have a 3 year old at home. Her grandmom and nanny are there for her when I am away, but I am concerned if this separation is having any long term psychological impact on her. I tell her about the travel and that I’ll be back before I leave, but when I’m away, if we video chat ever, she throws such a tantrum that we have stopped that ritual completely. She asks for me once in a while, at time cries and looks for me all around the house, but overall manages the separation. But I keep wondering what she goes through mentally. Request advice please

By: Ting

Ting — Fri, 15 Jan 2016 07:33:00 +0000

Hi,
This is my first time commenting on any website but I really need some advise.

My 3 year old just started 2 hour of preschool. He was coping well for the first week but the start of his second week, he started crying for mummy in class.

He doesn’t resist putting on the uniform but he gets really upset when we reach the school door. He would cry at times, but when his teacher class him over, he is okay walking over to her.

I tried talking positively about school with him, and getting him to play with his classmates before class. I told him it’s okay to cry too. I make my goodbyes quick, and tell him I’d see him later.

But he still cries for mummy in class. What I learnt from the teachers is that he would be ok playing or listening to his teachers, but after that, he would
Start to cry for mummy, stops, then starts again later.

I really want to help him but im not sure what else I can do or who I can talk to about this.

Any advise or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.