Is it possible he’s expressing how much he misses daddy or how scared he is that daddy left? I wonder if you validate that it’s ok to feel that way if he might get what he’s looking for?

Curious what you would use instead of saying you can’t touch this or do this etc or stop. What would be a better way to stop a behavior that causes some damage to someone or something?

If you have lots of options, he may have choice paralysis. Maybe cut down the choices or even at first choose for them. As an ECE with a child like this in my class, I would probably sit down close by and model some play, eg I would build a tower with blocks or make a train track or ‘cook’ some play food by myself until child showed an interest and joined in. Once child joins in I would play together for a minute or two but then quietly disengage until child is playing by themself.

Since I found RIE I’ve done this with my kids when getting shots- explaining why they’re getting them, acknowledging that it will hurt for a moment but that it’s needed for health and safety. I let them choose which arm they want the shots in and help them be involved in the responsibility of it. They may be scared, but they sit calmly through it, no promise of a “treat” needed after. Nurses and techs usually tell me distract the kids or restrain them, then they brace themselves for crying, screaming, hitting, kicking, etc. When that doesn’t happen they’re shocked! Maybe mine are just good shot takers, but it seems to me that kids just don’t want to be tricked and are up to the task if we trust them to be.

Just put the questions back to him. Saying ‘where did daddy go?’ And having him give you the answer for his own questions nips that in the bud.

My son does something really similar! He’ll say, “Dada? Dada? Takin’ the trash?” (He always thinks if Dada has left, he must be taking out the trash!). And he’ll just keep saying it until we’ve talked about it. Sometimes, I find that acknowledging rather than answering the question can help. He seems to just want me to affirm what’s going on– not so much to explain where Dada is now, but acknowledge that he’s not here anymore. You could try saying, “You’re wondering where Daddy went. He was here, and now he’s gone! You notice that he’s not here!” Then just listen. He may say something like, “Daddy not here,” or “Daddy at work,” and then you can affirm that by saying, “Yeah, Daddy is not here. You noticed that he went to work.”

My son’s teacher at school is a master toddler communicator, and sometimes when a child is repeatedly talking about something, she just says, “Oh, you’re thinking about the tractor” (that drove by yesterday and you can’t stop talking about it). The kids just love that. My son sometimes just turns to me dreamily and says, “I thinking about the tractor” (or the sink, or his friend). I never would have thought about how satisfying it is for a child that young to just be able to communicate that he is thinking about something.

But in those moments, I thought of your website, and just held him and said to him, “I sure wish I knew why you are crying. I bet you really wish you could tell me! For now, I’ll just hold you while you cry, and in time, we’ll both get better at communicating with each other.” Those words held me together. It made me feel closer to him even though I couldn’t always soothe him. And now, he’s 21 months old and I often feel like we’re on a wavelength. We “get” each other, because we’ve been practicing meaningful, honest communication all this time!

So, I think that even if the “nod” isn’t really there yet at one month, practicing communication and listening with infants right from the start has meaningful benefits.